Am i really this broken?

I've been crying so hard, so much, and it doesn't seem like its ever going to stop. I just can't stop crying because I keep obsessing over the people who hurt me and continue to. I want to go Home so badly, so badly, I don't even want to be on this hell hole of a world. I just don't understand why I hurt so much. I'm very sensitive, but why?

This breaks my heart. I wish I had something to tell you.

[Minerva]

Hi Athena,

I too suffer with similar thoughts and emotions. In fact, I was hospitalized for a short period of time because my depression had gotten so bad I thought it best. I am not sure what your thoughts are on God, but I know one thing that got me through is that I was placed on this Earth, at this time, for a reason. Nothing is a coincidence. There is something I am meant to be doing and completing and I found that my passion for creativity is what brought me out of a lot of my down periods. I plan on making a living out of my love of creativity and I think being able to do that will make this life more tolerable.

What is something you really enjoy and love doing? Try immersing yourself in that for a time. You might be surprised at how much better you feel. Also, having someone to talk to like a therapist is always a good idea.

We can't always depend on other people but we can depend on ourselves - and the activities we enjoy and passions we have - to uplift us.

Much Love

Thinking of you too.

Hoping that you find the strength that you need to see you through each day.

[vortex]

Love to all you be in all ways of being
Crying is a releasing of emotions let it happen, sending love
Know the sun will shine again

[Monika]

Originally Posted by Athena_Heart

I've been crying so hard, so much, and it doesn't seem like its ever going to stop. I just can't stop crying because I keep obsessing over the people who hurt me and continue to. I want to go Home so badly, so badly, I don't even want to be on this hell hole of a world. I just don't understand why I hurt so much. I'm very sensitive, but why?

I had very often the tendency to depression and feel very lonely. And also a lot of people behaved to me by very hurting ways. I found that when I start to listen my favorite music it will lighten my mood within short time. Thus when I start to feel depressed and lonely I immediately take my MP3 player and start to listen. I was very sensitive whole my forty years of my life. But after I understood that very hurting situation/people come to my life while I need to solve certain things.
If you want to attract different people to your life - people who will respect you and feel sympathy for you - you must to start respect and loves them at first. There are a lot of books about "Law of attraction". It helped me and I changed my personality. After that I started to attract a different type of people as before.
Another advice I can offer you is to start to going out and to be with people. I was introverted but I started to you to hiking with tourist group and found a new friends. Now I dont´t feel further lonely.

Originally Posted by Athena_Heart

I've been crying so hard, so much, and it doesn't seem like its ever going to stop. I just can't stop crying because I keep obsessing over the people who hurt me and continue to. I want to go Home so badly, so badly, I don't even want to be on this hell hole of a world. I just don't understand why I hurt so much. I'm very sensitive, but why?

This is so very saddening, particularly for someone so aware of the world around them as you. It's a terrible admission that the world is falling into dystopia, many succumbing to nihilism but that isn't likely to change any time soon. Industrialisation has served humanity so poorly leaving people without purpose. Now it's falling apart.

I sometimes wonder if the Biblical prophets weren't right - we're approaching end days.

But it needs your faith and trying to find at least something good about days - every day, even if it's just that the sun is shining and inwardly you can be free so, difficult as it may seem, you can focus your sensitivities on something worthwhile - helping people, just small acts of charity that could bring light to their lives, a feeling that someone cares.

Or expressing your feelings in acts of creativity no matter how simple or complicated. Writing them into a story with yourself as one of the characters might help. Yes, it'll change from day to day and might give you anything from jitters to embarrassment to panache when you read it back, but it is something you've done. It would be as good as a magical diary.

Difficult, yes, when you really feel down. But if even a moment of relief appears, make a start on something.

Ultimately your wish will come. Life is very short. People of my parents' age often talk about how the years rush by. Then we move back to the world of spirit. You will have done your time here. But while here, there is always some good to look out for and be.

Love to you.

[wolfgaze]

Athena there is a wonderful book full of wisdom and insights about the important process of emotional release and the journey of discovering the true nature of your being. It's called 'The Untethered Soul' (Michael Singer). If you haven't already read this - would you be open to exploring its contents? The audiobook can also be found hosted on Youtube.

Other ideas/suggestions:

-I don't know if you already journal or not - but the thought of pouring out your soul through your writing and allowing yourself to completely connect with and tap into those innermost sensitive thoughts & emotions. It's all about bringing everything within you to the surface where it needs to be consciously acknowledged and experienced so that it can be let go / released (sounds like you are already going through this now, which is important). You could even burn the writings after you complete them as a symbolic gesture of those emotions/feelings being let go and dissolved (just be safe about that if you do go that route lol).

-Is there a specific matter that you're dealing with that you have maybe been viewing in a certain light or perceiving a certain way that has not been functional for you and is not helping you to heal and find transcendance? Sometimes it takes awhile before we find ourselves ready to explore a new line of thinking about and a new way of perceiving our burdens - and once we do progress is slow going at first but then we discover that we are finding our way out and transmuting those negative emotions by altering our internal response to the sensitive matter in question. You push your awareness in a new direction and this changes the way your mind and body react to the stimulus. With this in mind, might it be helpful to go into detail and open up about the things you are really struggling with, and to seek suggestions/ideas from others about ways to explore perceiving the matter(s) in a new light? There may be others out there who found themselves experiencing similar circumstances and can comment on how they ultimately brought about their healing.

-It is my experience that the longing for 'home' initially feels like a longing to physically return somewhere, and to therefore be removed from your current environment - but what I found was that the source of these deep feelings was rooted in the desire to consciously reconnect with your own true nature - your soul energy. This will happen while you are still here experiencing your Earthly lifetime! And when this process plays out, you will absolutely feel like you have 'arrived home', and you will experience the wholeness that already exists within you. So please consider that while your physical mind may be influencing you to perceive that you don't belong here and belong somewhere else - that these feelings are instead spiritual in nature and will be remedied by bringing about a certain state of being that you will experience in the here and now.

You are not broken, friend. The challenging hurting/suffering you are navigating your way through will serve as the ultimate agent of refinement. It burns up the 'old' (your old self) in order to clear the way for you to bring forth the true nature of your being. I know it doesn't feel that way while you are going through the hardship - but you can maybe try to trust me on this as someone who has been there and experienced intense suffering during my life journey. You will secure your own liberation - and your suffering will be behind you once and for all... Keep pushing yourself forward - you will get there....

Kind Regards,
~WOLF

[lenvdb64]

How well do you know the Self?
Have you done a Natal Chart for yourself yet?
This would give you a good understanding of your Life Path, you challenges and obstacles, and where you decided at soul level to grow from these challenges.

We all have to grow and need to grow in the various dimensions.

We are Physical - to grow strong physically we need to take care of our physical bodies, eat well, and train hard, like gym, physical exercise etc. Growth comes from physical challenges we face.

We are emotional - to grow emotionally we need to face difficulties that will challenge us to grow. Unfortunately such challenges often come from hurts and disappointments. The key is to see them and remain detached to them.

We are also Intellectual - to grow Intellectually, we need to study, learn subjects and do exams.

All growth comes from being challenged and being taken out of our comfort zones. Usually the soul chooses such hardships and challenges as part of its journey, and your Natal Chart will show you these challenges.

[Freekre8]

No you are just in a larval stage