Limerence vs. Infatuation

girlsearching · #1 06-07-2015, 09:56 PM

I've been thinking how much I hate the connotation that "infatuation" carries, and how people dismiss it as being immature. I don't like defining limerence in terms of infatuation because they are so different to me. Does anyone else feel slightly offended when limerence gets paired with infatuation and is simply defined as a longer crush?. I don't think any of us are immature. Crushes, infatuations are, "yes they are cute, blah, blah. I'd like to date them. " This is not limerence, this is not all consuming, this is not the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think of while you fall asleep. This is not thinking about them every free moment. This is not dissing them when they go to the prom with someone else. This is not the pain you feel when there is no reciprocation. There is no way you can compare infatuation to limerence, for some people it may start as infatuation, but when it gets to limerence it is so different.

On the contrary, crushes tend to consume my every thought. When I first feel passionate about someone, it could be a crush. If such passion lingers for a long time, then it might end up being limerance. I think the symptoms for a crush and limerence are virtually identical... the main difference is that crushes last for less time than limerence.

girlsearching · #2 07-07-2015, 04:52 AM

I don't know what to feel, I have crushed on guys before, but than there are some that I can't erase from my mind.

qwerty · #3 22-07-2015, 03:24 AM

Yup, I've been there (or so I think, at least)--There's this person I haven't even interacted with in any way for a long time, and yet I still think about them.

The term 'limerence' itself does confuse me, though--The definitions I find online seem to have a negative connotation to them, and are associated with things like obsession and emotional dependence. Do you see limerence that way (as originally described)?

Lucyan28 · #4 22-07-2015, 05:35 PM

Hello girlsearching, I was thinking in writing a post about this subject too, I'm also feeling some limerence myself lol, it's something beautiful actually ;)

Love, Obsession, Limerence, Crush, Infatuation.

We certainly have a lot of emotions here, all of them equally difficult to describe with words.

Maybe we can't feel Limerence without Love, what I mean is that perhaps there is some 95% which is actual love and some 5% which is limerence for example.

There is a subtle line between limerence and obsession, be careful there, the obsession is a heavy emotion, when we forget about our life and focus only in the target, forgetting to do our daily activities, then it could be an obsession. (I was obsessed with a guy for 3 years when I was 17 years old, now that I see that phase of my life, it feels like if I was living in a nightmare totally doped by that obsession)

I think we can't get rid of the limerence when we realize that we don't need the other person to feel the same way that we do, each person has free will, when we understand that, the possible negative feelings just disappear.

I hope this helps a little bit :) my best wishes to you.

Lucyan28 · #5 22-07-2015, 05:40 PM

Also to get rid of any crush in minutes there is one simple solution

Say to the guy/girl how much you love him/her. If they don't feel the same way, then you can move on fast.

It's too painful to have a secret big crush or limerence for someone, the more time you hide your feelings the more it hurts.

girlsearching · #6 26-07-2015, 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucyan28

Hello girlsearching, I was thinking in writing a post about this subject too, I'm also feeling some limerence myself lol, it's something beautiful actually ;)

Love, Obsession, Limerence, Crush, Infatuation.

We certainly have a lot of emotions here, all of them equally difficult to describe with words.

Maybe we can't feel Limerence without Love, what I mean is that perhaps there is some 95% which is actual love and some 5% which is limerence for example.

There is a subtle line between limerence and obsession, be careful there, the obsession is a heavy emotion, when we forget about our life and focus only in the target, forgetting to do our daily activities, then it could be an obsession. (I was obsessed with a guy for 3 years when I was 17 years old, now that I see that phase of my life, it feels like if I was living in a nightmare totally doped by that obsession)

I think we can't get rid of the limerence when we realize that we don't need the other person to feel the same way that we do, each person has free will, when we understand that, the possible negative feelings just disappear.

I hope this helps a little bit :) my best wishes to you.

Lucyan28 thanks I agree I have to learn to let go, and accept that he doesn't have the same feelings for me back. I'm really hoping that this is just a case of sever Infatuation , and does not turn into Limerence whatsoever, because my brain can't take all of this. It's like I'm basically attracted to a Brick wall, that's unmoved and unbothered .

girlsearching · #7 26-07-2015, 06:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by qwerty

Yup, I've been there (or so I think, at least)--There's this person I haven't even interacted with in any way for a long time, and yet I still think about them.

The term 'limerence' itself does confuse me, though--The definitions I find online seem to have a negative connotation to them, and are associated with things like obsession and emotional dependence. Do you see limerence that way (as originally described)?

qwerty I fully don't understand Limerence all that well myself either, but from other blogs and forums I have came across :

Limerence means having attraction for a person, and involuntarily, having an obsessive, overwhelming need to get the same feelings reciprocated by the loved ones. This term was first introduced by Dorothy Tennov, a psychologist, in the year 1977. Later, this term was further explained in her book named ‘Love and Limerence’ that was published in 1979.

Limerence, the person is emotionally attached to another person, and has a strong desire to own him or her. And this involves sexual desire as well. It is a near-obsession kind of attraction, where the one already in love can do anything to get the one whom he is attracted to.

However, it is not necessarily love. Limerence may be a high-level of attraction, infatuation or a crush. Consequently, this strong feeling may fade away in a short period if the requirements are met or the first party realizes that the possibility of getting the other person is low.