When tfs are running and they contact you, but then run again the next day?

memo20 · #1 03-06-2015, 04:52 AM

Why do tfs do this they come back for a day then run again! I don't understand why ?

DejaVU · #2 03-06-2015, 05:42 AM

Maybe testing waters to see how things are?

#3 03-06-2015, 06:40 AM

They are scared of the intense energy between you.
Men generally are afraid that they will be consumed by it, women are afraid that they will be abandoned, so they bolt so they will not have to experience the pain. It's all about fear.

taurusnsane · #4 03-06-2015, 07:23 AM

dont expect him to behave, talk and reply the way you want. this way you dont have your heart broken million times like I did

MissTetley · #5 03-06-2015, 08:34 AM

Prompted by their guides. Neither of us are in control of this. My twin is a runner and yet I'm the one who pops in and out months in between with some comment or other.

#6 03-06-2015, 08:48 AM

Yes, I've had this happen a few times too. Makes it hard to completely 'let go' (although at this point I'm not sure when, if ever, I'll hear from him again...)

I've felt that when he's done this, things may have been really bad in his own relationship & he's been seeking a little reassurance that I'm still here for him.

I've had moments when that's made me feel a bit 'used', as I didn't feel it was really considering me as a person, in regards to how this contact followed by immediate break in contact again would make me feel.

But because I don't believe he would consciously try to hurt me, I think ultimately it's reaching out for a little reassurance and it comforts me to know that he hasn't forgotten about me entirely. Argh, that makes me sound pretty sad and pathetic, doesn't it?!!

Would be good to have a 'runners' perspective on this...

Siobhan · #7 03-06-2015, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AutomatedAlice

Yes, I've had this happen a few times too. Makes it hard to completely 'let go' (although at this point I'm not sure when, if ever, I'll hear from him again...)

I've felt that when he's done this, things may have been really bad in his own relationship & he's been seeking a little reassurance that I'm still here for him.

I've had moments when that's made me feel a bit 'used', as I didn't feel it was really considering me as a person, in regards to how this contact followed by immediate break in contact again would make me feel.

But because I don't believe he would consciously try to hurt me, I think ultimately it's reaching out for a little reassurance and it comforts me to know that he hasn't forgotten about me entirely. Argh, that makes me sound pretty sad and pathetic, doesn't it?!!

Would be good to have a 'runners' perspective on this...

As a runner (who is trying her hardest to bolt herself down rather than bolting again), I have reached out many times because I missed him so much. I was sure that the space and time would make the intense feelings between us disappear. Wrong! The moment there is any contact, they come right back. I know now that the only solution is getting through it, rather than running from it.

I'm so thankful he has held the space for me (painful as it is for both of us), and every morning and night I "send" love and gratitude, asking him to please keep waiting for me.

#8 03-06-2015, 10:45 AM

You know, I shouldn't really be in this section. It isn't that I don't believe that two (or more) people can mesh at a particular level, maybe several levels, but it's this building up of expectations that because 'a' is very in tune with 'b', therefore 'a' has some claim on 'b', even if 'b' expresses some enthusiasm.

Fact is, close as you might get you never own another person and it's asking for trouble building up one's hopes that people a) stay constant and b) acknowledge being owned. It leads to heartbreak.

I'd say it's very rare for someone to be completely attuned, twinned with another. And I suspect that were that the case they'd be inseparable.

Just a thought....

vis-à-vis · #9 03-06-2015, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by memo20

Why do tfs do this they come back for a day then run again! I don't understand why ?

Maybe because we're not meant to understand it and we only confuse ourselves more by trying to understand the unintelligible. Just live and feel what you do in the moment and maybe it is confusion or hurt or anger, don't judge it just live it. It shall pass. I understand your frustration though, mine flies 10000 miles from his home to come straight into my work acting like he's just stopping by, then wants to play cat and mouse for a few days and pretends like he doesn't want to have dinner with me, but then wants to have dinner with me, then tells me he loves me, then disappears for another few months. It's not particularly logical from anyones perspective so I don't think they understand why they do it either.

eternalentropy · #10 03-06-2015, 01:58 PM

I had this happen last Saturday. 4 hour face to face conversation. After two months of little to no talking she told me she was extremely nervous to be talking to me. Not sure why & I have not heard from her since.
With each occurrence I am able to let go more and move on with MY life and focus on MY happiness. Maybe that's the purpose.