Struggling with life

[In vita mea]

I miss the days of when I was a kid so much. I feel the loss of those days as though it were a death of part of me. I was so lucky to have a loving family & to have so many positive experiences as a child. I have so many memories of those days and it breaks me that it was now so many years ago & I'm struggling to look back at those times that I've lost. Times when I was younger & my family was younger & all seemed like good times.

I think some of it relates to the inadequacy of my adult life. I'm 35 now, single and with a 'school leaver job'. I have graduated with degrees in both Law, and Business, but when I was younger I never really knew how to go about getting a career, or what to do, and so I bounced from one low end job to another. Next up my school grades were poor as, although I had the ability, I didn't focus on the exams as I failed to appreciate just how significant the exams were. My poor grades were a stumbling block preventing me from entering graduate careers.

As for being single; I lacked confidence with women as I never really had any good experiences & so I never actually had a gf until after high school. I know that's late. I was good looking in my youth but was anxious about doing anything and so time and opportunities passed me by. I was worried about just going for it, thinking that I would be pushed away.

Now I feel as if my heart aches as I reflect on the time that has passed me by. I realise that I had all this potential & I've wasted it. I'm now 35 and doubt that I'll ever amount to much in life. I question whether I'll ever meet another woman & really, I feel low because this, to me, wasn't the way that my life was supposed to turn out. All the while my parents are getting older & I'm terrified of them getting even older & their difficulties that they will face. Plus the idea that one day I will be without them.

I've sought guidance before but feel like this is something I need to beat myself. I don't know what to do though as I feel trapped in a moment which often fails to deliver true satisfaction & I know I'm only going to get older & my life will get harder. I'm scared & upset. I don't know what to do.

There's still time to do a lot. And you've come to the right place to find ways to start.

There may be chances for a "late entrant" in a career post. Getting in an organisation might be the answer then when there, see what can be done.

...

[linen53]

You are 35. I am 61. Your life has just begun!

The advice I can give you is to be proactive. Take that step out of your sheltered dwelling and do daring things. Join a dating service. A good one. Get a new haircut. Buy dashing new clothes.

You are the author of your own life. What you dictate is what will be written down. If you don't like yourself than change. Only you can do it.

As for your parents, they have to move on as they get older. It is inevitable. Life won't stand still for them. We all have to go through it, as painful as it is. I'd suggest you sit down and talk to them about plans when they will need assistance with their everyday lives. And I might suggest a book for you on death. It's by Julia Assante, PhD, titled The Last Frontier; Exploring the Afterlife and Transforming Our Fear of Death. An excellent read. It will give you hope.

Aren't having fun? That's because you aren't doing anything to have fun. How about joining a dance class? Or join a skin-diving class. Volunteer in your community too. You can do this!

[In vita mea]

I'm trying to get back in to shape by running. I'm a member of 2 running clubs & head out running at least 3+ times per week.

I am starting voluntary work for a charity in the next week.

Once I've lost the weight, I'll buy new clothes. My aim is to get good shape by the end of July. :)

I've started upping my activities as I want to make the most of my life.

The difficulty with an after life is that it's all hope. I will look at the material that you've suggested but to me an afterlife sounds like too much of a fairy tale. I do though keep an open mind as I know that events have unfolded and documented which can't easily be explained using rational approach.

[linen53]

Good for you. You are in the interim at the moment so all looks lost. Keep moving to improve your situation.

Just because you are bored with yourself, others won't be! Sharpen that wit of yours! It will help tremendously. The best way to experience life is to live it!

Internally I am an introvert, but you wouldn't know it if you saw me on the street. I'm not afraid to talk to anyone I don't know. I use wit a lot.

And just because you don't believe in an afterlife doesn't mean one does not exist. From the extensive reading I've done on the subject all material says basically the same thing. There are many different "heavens" after we die. We go to the one that perfectly matches our vibe. My heaven won't be the Summerland (the perfect place) most often spoken about. Mine will have horse dung and dirt and lots and lots of happiness and laughter.

[Tobi]

It's just lovely, what linen and lorelyen said....

In vita mea...did you enjoy the subjects you studied? Did you have any visualisation of how you could use the knowledge you'd learned, afterwards...? Or were they done in a kind of 'automatic' way?

If you really were interested in those things, then re-sit your exams! Do it all over again! Use your evenings and free time to revise. And then make a mental plan of how you would like to step forward after you qualify. It is NOT too late. (Sometimes I think University courses aren't appreciated as much by 18 year olds as they are by mature students.)
I have a friend who was a very high ranking military officer. He decided he'd had enough of the "War game" and quit! This was a big deal as he was also a military attache.
Guess what? He got some regular admin. job....then he went self employed as a window cleaner....then he managed a shop....
And then...he studied law for 3-4 years and qualifed. Guess how old he was when he did this? 55.

You can do it if you want to. If you really don't want to (be sure of that first) -then do something you can really put your heart into.

[Howla Dark]

IMHO you're a success and at the moment your life is comfortable... being single should be seen relaxing and free! You've a lot of self time to do what you want. You have a job. A "school leaver job" is nothing to feel ashamed about, as it means you're responsible and capable of independance. You have cool degrees in things I couldn't do.
What you need is some career guidance and to feel happier about yourself now and set a goal.

[RyanWind]

Any call to a religious life? Lots of Monasteries in the world. If you have advanced degrees, you can get a teaching credential and that pays really well in certain states. Special Ed teachers are always in demand.

It's okay... People are always questioning what they could have done with their time. In my experience... I'm in my early twenties. I have a boyfriend and a full time job, and 1 friend that I see often. And that's it.
Even my mother tells me my life is really boring for my age. I'm literally always in the house with a book or something. And occasionally I will look up and feel miserable and fed up, wondering what the bloody hell is wrong with me?!

I know in later life I will reflect, and regret. We often worry about where our parents will be, I still live with mine. And even though I get itchy feet and wanna move out and begin my own life I know it won't do them any good right now.

Be thankful for everything and just be imaginative, try and think of where you want to be and set goals. If you want them badly enough you'll strive, and make yourself feel fulfilled. My heart goes out to you dude, remember you're not alone.

[Bluescreens]

I may not be of much help but I can tell you are someone who genuinely cares... you sound very kind. Just the way you care for your parents and want to look out for them and their future. We need caring people like you, and as much as it may seem to be going terribly, someday things will turn around... you just need to give it time.

However, it's always good to reflect on our past and realize our failures, but the more you seem to dig the worse it seems to be. Accepting that those are the things that have shaped you into the kind and caring person you are today is the first step, people with a good heart will always find joy from being compassionate towards others. Perhaps your calling will come to you later in life, I hope for you to find the passion you had as a child and I think that if you truly want it than you will find it again. Peace.