I'm a gay male

#1 14-04-2013, 06:58 PM

Yep, I said it.

Thing is, I feel (and have always felt) more comfortable with straight people. Not that I feel totally comfortable with anyone, but let's not get too off the subject.

My question is....to the women primarily, why is it that I feel more at ease with women? Yes, I'm intune with my feminine side (I guess that's part of the DNA structuring of homosexual men) but I'm also very masculine on the outside, and I *feel* like a man on the inside who just happens to be more sensitive to certain things. I've never had a desire to cross-dress, and am repulsed by the idea (no offense to those so inclined), and I feel like I'm just a typical dude who happens to want another dude who's just as masculine and sensitive.

I'm in a strange limbo land. Most gay men I've found are either too one extreme, or too the other extreme. I'm in this strange balanced land that causes me to be lonely. I'm not "balanced" in all ways....in fact I'm very insecure in some areas. But I mean, I'm a 50/50 kind of guy with all my relationships, family, platonic, romantic, and sexual.

I feel MUCH more at ease with women....I think they seriously should hold the reigns of authority in this world. If only I was straight, I probably would have married long ago *sigh*. Anyway my point is, I've never felt comfortable with men, straight, bi, or gay. I think the nature of our society is the culprit.

#2 14-04-2013, 07:17 PM

One of my old gay male friends was in the same boat as you. He loved the company of women, was sexually attracted to males, but didn't 'like' males as much as women. A conundrum of sorts.

#3 14-04-2013, 07:19 PM

I think it's pretty normal. I'm a bisexual female, yet I have 90% guys for friends. I think it's just something to do with preference or what we're comfortable with. :)

fire · #4 14-04-2013, 07:39 PM

Because I can easily see the same tendency within myself, I would assume it might have to do with seeking the quality of tenderness and compassion. Women in general tend to be more in tune with their heart, and their nature will thus usually possess more of these qualities than the typical male.

If it may be of any comfort for you to hear, the masculine type you seek is definitely out there. It sounds me that you may just have had a tendency to attract the wrong types.

If you observe this to be the case, try to have a simplistic view of the issue, and intend from your heart that it shall be brought to a resolve. Ask your spirit to address the root cause and clear it along with anything that may be associated.

SeaZen · #5 14-04-2013, 08:27 PM

Straight guys can experience the same phenomenon you speak of. They can relax, communicate and relate to their non-sexual guy friends pretty well but not as well when it comes to women (except sexually) due to a variety of reasons.

I have also heard of instances where gay men partner and live with straight females and that is their primary relationship in every way except sexual.

Louisa · #6 14-04-2013, 09:26 PM

I am bisexual, a woman, and I have some similar issues to you, but opposite in certain ways. I also prefer women as friends and I generally feel closr to them. But I am primarily attracted to men in relationships. There are exceptions, and only once have I ever been "in love" with a woman. I can be attracted to them, but usually I feel we'd be quite emotionally incompatible in a relationship, in spite of being attracted.
The woman I was in love with was straight. I think there was something unique about her, and we were soulmates, and had a telepathic connection. As it is with me, she seemed both very strong and independent minded and self-sufficient as well as being very heartfelt, emotionally open and expressive and idealistic, very sensitive. Ideally, I think maybe that would be the best relationship for me- with a woman who has those traits. I've had more than my fair share of bad relationships with men, and while I fall in love with them, I don't think most of them are best for me, though they have a certain strength I seem to need in a partner. But most women even less compatible with me - they are usually too passive, too dependent, too overly emotional and resentful and clingy and not strong and independent enough. (of course - men can be that way too).
I have had many gay men as friends. I strongly suspect I was a gay man in a past life, for a few reasons. lol

twinkle · #7 14-04-2013, 10:09 PM

I have more rapport with gay men who are not as extreme like you. Maybe it feels like an act or not like a person's real self when they act extreme. It probably also makes you feel uncomfortable. I like the feminine or sensitive side that many gay men have that many straight men lack. They tend to enjoy communicating instead of just doing things.