Has this ever happened to you ?

Kiwigirl11 · #1 12-06-2012, 01:09 AM

Ok so it's been about 6 weeks since my Tf deactivated his facebook account ,we havnt' had any contact except i have seen him twice briefly at our sports club ( but we didn't talk to each other, just kind of smiled awkwardly at each other lol )....anyway i had kind of started to believe again that this was all in my head and he felt nothing etc, ,until this weekend ,he was playing footy ( soccer ) at the same place my hubby was playing ( they play for the same club just different teams) ,anyway we saw each other as his team was heading for the showers after the game and i was heading to our clubrooms for a drink ....Well all i can say is he must have had the quickest shower ever as he was the first one into the club (his team mates came in about 15-20 mins later )He got a drink ,then basically stood across the room from where i was and just stared at me , even when his mates came in and he was in a conversation with them he was staring at me ,it was like he wanted to talk to me ,at one point he looked like he was about to come over ,but something was stopping him , it actually felt like there was an invisible barrier between us( we used to be able to talk comfortably all the time )....Anyway once my hubby came in he left ( don'tknow if thats why he left ).....but has any one else felt like that ,that there is some kind of barrier there stopping you from talking or getting close ....also when he was staring at me it was like time stopped and we were the only ones in the room, i felt kind of spaced out ( no it wasn't the wine ,i had only had one lol) , i actually felt so awkward like he could see right through me and i wanted the floor to swallow me up and i was actually kind of relieved when he left even though part of me was sad he had left ( so confusing ) also after he left i felt like everyone was looking at me ,like i had grown two heads or something lol ,....has anyone else experienced this ,or am i really just going nutty ,it was really weird

awakeningheart · #2 12-06-2012, 02:21 AM

Yes, Kiwigirl I understand why you feel sad but it is also understandable that he left when your hubby arrived - it may have been too much for him to see you together and to 'pretend' that there are no feelings.

There is definitely a barrier between my tf and myself - that is our spouses. We are respecting our families and our spouses and staying away from each other. For me, right now, that is what I have to do.

sunflwrdanzr · #3 12-06-2012, 02:00 PM

Yep, I feel the barrier and have felt it here and there for the last 2 years. In my case though, I feel I have to feel this to know what it was like for him. I know (didn't then, but what can ya do about hindsight?lol.) I had my walls and barriers and I know he's said over time they became palpable to the point that he had to retreat behind his and build his own. We are around each other a lot and I think I feel and almost SEE the barrier most when either something's going on with the person he's talking to currently and/or when things get close between us, we have a moment, he retreats. Sometimes I'm not sure why it's there at all for sure beyond just the push and pull we're going through currently, running, whatever.

Kiwigirl11 · #4 13-06-2012, 01:47 AM

AH yep i get what you mean ,there is the fact of our marriages ,but thats not what i was meaning when is said barriers (I def dont' see our marriages as barriers ,it's just how it is,thats the path we are both on and i have accepted that, i'm happy to be with my hubby : ) it was just such a weird feeling when he was there ,even now when i think about it ,it feels like i dreamt it .....i actually find it quite funny ,i have never felt like that before ,was just wondering if anyone else has felt like that ,i don't know if it's the energy between us or what it was ,it def was weird !!!

Teal · #5 13-06-2012, 07:21 PM

Great that you figured it out before stepping away from your marriage or he in his obligations. Which in some case some just are not so lucky.:) I would look at this barrier as a good thing.

Kiwigirl11 · #6 13-06-2012, 09:42 PM

Yes i agree tealtwist ,i do think the barrier is a good thing ,i would like to be able to go back to a time when we could talk comfortably like friends ,but i have accepted thats prob not possible now, yes i'n sad about thats ,but hey what can you do? ......I'm actually ok with him being gone from facebook too as i think things where heading in a direction that we both would have regretted ...I now kind of see it as a blessing in disguise :)