Awakening - a blessing and a curse

[Quest]

Since I've been with TF, I have really awakened. I can sense energy fields which I had no clue about before. I just never tuned into energy much prior to meeting TF. He was totally in tune with energy, in all aspects, and he reminded me often to be more aware of what my own energy does to others.

Now I see the world differently. On the weekend, I went to a tack sale and there was a demonstration by a cowboy who round penned a horse. I tried to keep an open mind and thought maybe this guy really does have something new to offer but as soon as I scanned the guy's energy field, I knew I was going to be disappointed again. Here is this good looking fellow with a whip in his hand, making all women who were watching crazy (except my friend and I), and he started to work the horse. First thing he says is you get to push the horse so they run and get tired, then you can work with them.

My friend and I left the demo cause we couldn't take it anymore after a while. I was wondering when my friend would say this was enough but she was worried about what people would think, so I waited for her to be ready to leave, and I am proud of her that she found the courage to get up and leave the scene even though lots of people knew her. I encouraged her to listen to her gut and that whatever came from there is right. She was still doubting herself. Both of us felt very strongly that the horse was willing to "join up" right from the beginning. Endorphins weren't even needed, but yet most people think they have to run the horse in the ground first before they can partner up with them. It's such backward thinking and it is driving me crazy since I sense the horse's pain and frustration. They are just confused when they get pushed and pushed even though they have already indicated they are ready to join up. All that people have to do is become aware of their own energy fields. As long as handlers are calm and confident, the horse will be as well. There is no pushing required to get a horse to trust you. Why is it that most people are stuck in active aggressiveness?
As we were walking around, I came across a dog that was hurting inside, and then I was drawn to a horse in the field which came up the fence right away to start communicating. I then had another painful "conversation", his eyes spoke volumes to me, pain pain pain... being misunderstood. I told him I loved him, gave him an imaginative hug and sent healing energy to him. He closed his eyes and started licking and chewing, a sign of relaxation in horses... sigh. I had tears in my eyes at that point cause the pain he was in was so deep.

Then I talked to a trainer who I knew and as I approached her, I already saw the wall in front of her. She was another soul hurting deeply inside but not wanting to let anyone in. There wasn't anything I could do since she was clearly not ready.

I left being somewhat overwhelmed by all the pain I sensed that day. I had to reflect on it a bit more and then realized that the day had been given to me to just confirm what my mission is. With the 2 horses, it was very clear that I was able to help them just by sending them the message that I understood. I sent them love and they accepted, dropped their heads and sighed. The horse in the round pen kept stopping where we sat all the time, so that was a clear sign he understood there was someone out there who was listening to him and understood why he was in pain. Ugh. It was all so overwhelming. Back to my mission, I will have to find a way to contribute more and to help hurting souls. I have no idea how yet, but I know that is my path. I had a clear and strong message that I need to help other living beings heal and raise their vibrations when I was with my TF. And the day on the weekend just confirmed that I should not loose track of this mission. I believe I was given a gift and I need to find a way to use it more.

Thanks for listening. I had to share this since it was another profound message on the weekend. I cried for a few hours afterwards since I absorbed all that negative energy, so now I'm trying to learn to let it pass through me without absorbing it since that would prevent me from doing any meaningful healing work.

So while I'm glad that I awakened, it is a curse in a way as well since I'm surrounded by pain everywhere I look these days; people trapped in fear, animals trapped by people in fear, and the cycle just continues. I want to help change that, in the small way that I can. I think I'm sensing another career change in the future, when the time is right.

[Jatd]

"So while I'm glad that I awakened, it is a curse in a way as well since I'm surrounded by pain everywhere I look these days; people trapped in fear, animals trapped by people in fear, and the cycle just continues. I want to help change that, in the small way that I can. I think I'm sensing another career change in the future, when the time is right."

I just said this to a friend of mine the other day! I feel like everyone's eyes that I look into are holding a kind of hurt that I never noticed before and I feel the need to reach out. Pain is everywhere! What do we do!? How can we help!? I've been looking for places to volunteer. I have to do something. I can't just sit back and watch.
Sharing the Love!

Thank you for sharing this with us!

[Usako]

I am glad to see people are awakening to the pain of animals, humans have truly made a number on them...and only until more people like you Quest can tune into that, well is only until then when they may see them for what they truly are which is on the same level of human beings and not on a lower one.

You could help with charity for institutions who take care of them, who rescue animals in pain. That's a good start and can be mixed with more spiritual ways.

I did get something similar to you when I went to the zoo, it was heartbreaking, just wait until you connect to snakes, antelopes and bears...now that's when things turn very interesting! hahaha

[Quest]

I have already connected to bears. One chased my ex down the road 2 weeks ago ;) But I doubt that he even knew my ex was there. I think he just tried to get back into the forest and my ex was in the way...

Anyways, my TF asked me when I was done rescuing others. My ex told me I rescued him, in a way I almost feel like I rescued my Tf even though I don't have a clear understanding of that yet, and then there are all the rescue animals I took on. My TF almost made it sound like it was a bad thing to rescue but I think I know what he was pointing at. He knew I had work to do on myself. I feel like I'm there though. I have done a lot of work on myself, connected to my own pain, but I have found a strength that I want to use now to help others.

I may write a book once our house is sold and maybe I can take a few months off work to just focus on writing. That's one way of sharing my journey with others. I'm thinking of getting into alternative healing a bit more. I have so much interest in that and have found so many therapies that helped myself. But I'd have to start taking courses.

I'll just keep asking the angels for some help in figuring out how I should help. I'm sure I'll get a message. On fb today I got an oracle card and it confirmed the same message I've been getting, that I'm a spiritual counsellor and want to heal people and animals. That's exactly what I feel like. I "just" have to figure out the format.

[Usako]

Yes, that is very true, we cannot rescue others at least properly and truly before we rescue ourselves. We cannot offer them strength if we are weak, or courage if we are scared...that's something that got me some days ago which agrees with what you mentioned.

That is so cool! Writing a book, I really hope you do it and the courses on therapies. You'll do it, I am sure and I cannot wait to read that book.
Writing is one of my strengths so to speak and it not only helps you, but to inspire others.

I wish you good luck in finding that way!

Quest

I too have experienced this awareness of pain when I am out in groups of people....I also pickup on energies of love...and who are open to being healed.

I attract them to me - for those who know me I find they need to touch me and yes if in a large group situation for too long I end up absorbing their energies and are in tears by the time I'm done.

This is a gift - and it is thru this I have recognized my mission also - but I must learn to remain in my heart centre in order for me not to keep getting affected - I must learn to allow it to flow through me.

I have begun a healing course and am starting work on me first - hence the questioning and emotional releases I am currently experiencing. I am also experiencing detachment from Jay - not at a Soul level but at an emotional level - the clearing is working.

I grew up working with horses - I'm not sure you knew - but I completely relate to what you described - I remember being able to sense this as a child - and felt their pain when people tried to break their will. Horses are the most magnificent animals they are willing to please with love - it is about combining energy of horse and rider - a true connection between horse and rider is evident when thru very little movement by the rider - the horse instinctively is tuned in and understands what the rider is asking for...wow Thankyou for sharing that story, it has been a long time since I rode but it took me back as if it were yesterday :)

A friend shared a quote with me yesterday that I think you will understand It was with regards to TF, Me and trying to understand it all...

"She told you exactly what you needed to hear. Thats all. You're going to realize as I did, that theres a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path."

I have realised it doesn't matter if Jay is or isn't my TF, or if he is or isn't awakening too so we can reunite...it matters that I have awakened and am on my journey to being all that I am for my mission here...

As you are also Quest good journey to you Hun :)

Awakening is an ongoing process. Feeling the pain and suffering of others may endure but your relationship with that pain will surely change. As to the question : blessing or curse, awakening inherently is niether. It is simply a necessary process for all of us.

[Quest]

Thank you so much, LS! There sure is a difference between knowing and walking the path. However, right now I'm just getting the message that it's ok and that the answers will come to me and I will eventually get more clarity as to what I will do. I know and trust in this very deeply which is why I'm not feeling too much pressure to rush into things. I can't force it. I'm where I am for a reason, and I feel like I have been making differences for people in my job too. Otherwise I would not have had it for so long ;)
Horses are a god-sent for me. I connect with my mare on a very deep level, and I don't know where I'd be today if it wasn't for my previous herd of 3. I have helped them to heal and they have helped me to heal and move on. They have been such a blessing in my life! It's amazing how much they have to share when you truly listen to them and are open to receive the messages from them. They are true healers. I got to the point where I was riding and thinking of a particular movement, and my horse would do it. Just like a soul connection ;) My TF and I would say things that the other was thinking, same goes for my horses...

Buzz, yes, a curse or a blessing: I guess in a non-duality world it is neither, or both at the same time ;)

[VanillaRayne]

I know exactly what you're feeling. Maybe it's odd, but where I used to kill insects without even a second thought, now I can't even bring myself to do that. People think I'm strange, but I just think, "What if we are ants to some other species?" I can't watch violent movies and the news exhausts me. Sometimes I even can feel the emotions and pain that others are going through to the point where I literally feel their own pain in my body.

I've always had this ability to an extent, but now that I'm beginning to learn how to control it a little bit better, I can better cope with it. But sometimes I get somewhat angry that the world is the way it is and people are so cruel to one another, for things that, in my opinion, amount to nothing, such as power or money. Thanks for sharing though, it's nice to know I'm not the only one like this!

I hear you, Quest.

What comes through most strongly for me since my own awakening is the fear. No matter how much we all try to pretend otherwise, it seems like everyone at their core is afraid. Perhaps because this was an issue that knowing my SC brought to the forefront for me, what I perceive the most in people is this deeply-rooted fear of being judged, of being found to be less than they think they should be.

It's so sad because of course we are all perfect, radiant, amazing beings. But as I certainly experienced myself, being told that, even knowing that for oneself intellectually, doesn't take away the fear of being found to be inadequate in some way. It really does seem to take the shift in perception brought on by awakening in order to be able to "know" that there's nothing wrong with us.

I tend to keep a buffer or barrier in place when I'm out in public, and really try not to dwell even intellectually on what I can now sense, because the emotions can swamp me in no time flat. It's when I'm home that I let my awareness expand, and when that happens the urge to "do something" about rips me apart because I don't yet know what to do. It seems like such a simple thing - if only they KNEW - but like I said it's really something that can't be conveyed intellectually, and as someone that has always prided herself in communicating in words, in ideas, it's hard for me to find another way.

As for animals - your post made me realize that I've probably been unconsciously avoiding expanding my awareness in their direction. I've had experiences my whole life of having animals communicate their thoughts/feelings to me (for instance, watching gorillas in a zoo enclosure and noticing one just staring at me, locking eyes with it, and hearing its plea so clearly to be let out, to be set free -being in there was hell on earth for him. or having the same "locking eyes" experience with an elephant - in that case, it was actually shaming me for - my sense was - supporting its imprisonment by going to the zoo in the first place; it knew that unlike many others, I knew better.) I think I need to get better with working with energy at the level I'm at now before I open myself up to animals, whom I've always found it easier to connect with, and to empathize with, than people.