Is he very unreasonable

[Guff779]

My father turned 66 and since Jan 2020 he has been like this. Just complains and argues.

He has two major bank account savings,
He gets*pension*£180 per week
He gets £70 a week from me on top of his private pensions,
He gets an extra £30 a week which he lied to me

He will get contributions from me in the future,
He has his mortgage paid off,

He got paid child benefit for me and my sister for 18 years,
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I do all the chores, chase this, that, do this that, take him places on my day off, more, sort this out for him////////

I've helped him way too much in the past
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He complained a long time clean my bedroom, throw the books on the bookshelf away,

He say chuck the stuff in the garage away

He tells me to clean 1cm of soup away

He was very brutal and regimtened every day off all he did was*complain

Arguing about putting cooking oil anyway

He keeps complaining about the motor oil leak from me car which there hasn't been a spot on the floor for 3 weeks,

He complains about money and bills when bills comes every 3 months
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He says why don't I clean the car and I can't do nothing and complaining a lot
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He could watch TV, go to a spiritual church, take a walk, this man is ridiculously negative now
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He doesn't listen
He doesn't listen to me developing something, he doesn't listen to me going abroad
He doesn't listen and I don't have to get married, I can have a gf

He doesn't listen and he seems he wants to please others

He gives the power away to relatives

He doesn't even say nothing even when asked,

I've got to live 40 years of life, he should be more prudent then this
---'z
I wonder why this attitude, taking away someone's liberties, I do too much for him

He doesn't pay for petrol, car tax, insurance or telephone bill Or food

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This guy Is set for life and got financial protection from me and he still complains, he gets £130 more than the average pensioner a week, he gets a massive financial help from me and government and while many many do not, in this fortunate position all he can do is*complain

Complains today about me not listening to him, didn't I just do everything, look on the internet for insurance do this and that yesterday?


Complains about this and that. I listened to many to him yesterday then he says no listen to him today

He says take blood test every 3 months, then he says when he goes on holiday you have to go somewhere else, not giving keys.
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Today he is complaining again and again different times of the day.

As you read, he gets £270 a week and saves I assume from what I've seen and he pays for nothing £260 a week he saves, bill comes comes every 3 months and I give helping hand he still complains about money ///////

He isn't going to pay down, he allowed my sister to not give him money every week, he isn't going to because I have stuff to pay for. It's cruelty now, he is taking away my life and my future

So he's saving £260 per week and he gets £120 more pthan the average pensioner plus the immense extra help from me when bills comes.

He won't stop even if I say.

He has no sympathy for me and he lacks appreciating, he's got the finances and all of his needs catered, everything.

[hazada guess]

At your age, isn't it about time you left home? you can still care for him.

[iamthat]

Ah, Guff779, family obligations can be so difficult. If this person was just a friend you could walk away from him. But he is your father and you have a lifetime of feelings and memories about him. You don't seem able to just cut yourself loose.

So he is pushing all your buttons and you resent him for doing so. You want him to be different, but the sad fact is that he is what he is and he is unlikely to change.

All you can do is change yourself. Which may mean finding the courage to move out and get your own place, but financially that would probably be more expensive for you. Or you can stay with him and try to accept his demanding and unreasonable behaviour with an attitude of cheerful patience.

No doubt there are karmic issues between you and your father which are playing out in this relationship. Maybe one day you will look back on it all and realise that your father has been your greatest teacher in this life. But that doesn't make the lessons any easier.

Peace

[Geeta]

Guff779, how about trying to draw healthy boundaries and letting your father know about them? Set some boundaries and follow them yourself irrespective of his response. Have faith in your inner light.

ॐ

[Starman]

Guff779, He is unreasonable to the way that you reason, but if you reasoned differently then he might
not be unreasonable. Change your attitude and you just may change your world, or at least how
you see the world. Try to be creative when dealing with your dad.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by hazada guess

At your age, isn't it about time you left home? you can still care for him.

I agree with this. If you're still living with him, leave and get your own place.
If you already have left why are you still paying him so much?
Doesn't sound like he needs any additional money from you.

Set healthy boundaries for your own protection, leave if you haven't yet, stop paying him and pampering him.
Time to think about yourself and what you deserve in life.
Often when people get older they get so incredibly manipulative, it's up to you to not fall for that.
Take your power back, stop making his life easier and your own worse, stop fattening his bank accounts and start filling your own.

Oh and stop whinging about the past. The past is the past, it's gone. Work with what you have now, in the now, and start taking care of yourself.
He will kick and fuss, but that isn't your problem. Someone treating you with so little respect is a clear sign to get out of that situation.

He's your father, let him live his life.You can go live yours.

[pixiedust]

It's fair to contribute if you're in his home. Don't resent him, make your own decisions.