A glimpse whilst eating a kebab!

[JayTruther]

Hi guys

Been seeking for around 8 years, have kundalini and pretty much watched ALL non dual videos on YouTube including pretty much every "teacher"

Just 3 weeks ago this happened.....

I bought a chicken kebab in fresh naan, covered in salad and sauce.
So as usual I brought up a random non dual video, it was Occult Theo and started watching!

Opened the kebab and started eating, after a few minutes something changed.

I saw this body, moving and picking up bits of the kebab, tearing naan and using it to grab chicken and salad etc.

This was HAPPENING BY ITSELF. There was no me, no boundary of a body just a happening.
Just the view itself as one thing, moving appearence

Entirely impersonal and the felt sense is that nothing is happening just cannot explain it.

All I can actually say about "it" could it's amazing, beautiful and peace beyond explanation.

Has anyone else had a glimpse, hopefully longer than the few seconds here lol.

[Ewwerrin]

Yeah, I have had the exact very similar experience. But also lasted short.

It feels like not just being simulated, but experiencing the absolute perfection of the eternal simulation, beyond description, except that it is infinite variety eternally expanding and becoming more on autopilot.

Now the problem is, how come I am not experiencing this now, and I was experiencing it then? I mean, I know how or why, but the problem is, that if that experience can come and go, it's not really an absolute non-duality, but just a relative non-duality.

We can choose to allow that to happen. Just like we can choose to return back here to the mind. So there is still free will, or perhaps the illusion of free will. Perhaps awareness is not the duality, but the illusion of free will is the duality?

[Ewwerrin]

Here I am thinking I was in charge, when God has been in charge all along. And perhaps this going in and out of non-duality is part of the whole simulation of ever expanding fractality and infinite variety.

"All the forms are the Same One Source appearing in infinite different ways."

So perhaps it is the way in which consciousness changes the way it perceives itself, that makes for all the constant change and variety and never the same and never the same and never the same, even the new experience of experiencing the same thing over and over again, and then again but slightly in a different way, like experiencing it as you have always been experiencing it and then you remember that you have always been experiencing it for the second time, meaning it's a new experience of the same thing, that is completely different and unlike you've ever experienced anything like unto it ever again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again !!!!!!!!

FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER. No beginning and no end. Well... Not that it is possible to go back now, we're waaaaaaaaayyy too deep into this. But definitely no end. So it seems. I certainly would have no idea how on earth it would even be possible to go back to the beginning without moving forwards towards it, as if it is our future and not our past.

[JayTruther]

Thanks for the reply :)

I like your analogy of this not feeling simulated but instead experiencing the eternal simulation.

This was just a few seconds but ever since "it" was seen I cannot help but feel completely lost and hopeless.

As what has been understood at least mentally is there isn't anything the mind made me can do, whatsoever to bring "what already is, here and immediately now" any closer than it can already be.

[Ewwerrin]

Originally Posted by JayTruther

Thanks for the reply :)
... already be.

Wow, thank you also for this. This helps me actually as well.
It helps me remember that I indeed also had no choice or ability to do/change/affect anything. Things were simply just happening.

But that was my first experience, which was accompanied by terror from the physical body. The second time, there was a surrender, a sort of accidental voluntary entering of the simulation, which began to interface between me and non-physical. It generated a vibrational, non-physical infinite bliss version of my all that my physical senses were observing.

Like this time space reality exactly as I was perceiving it, but everything morphed into infinite bliss. Almost like how a tree sometimes looks like it is pulled into the sky, all space material was pulled into the motion and appearance and sensation and scent and sound and impuls of bliss.

The strange thing was, I also seen how all of this bliss had, for some unknown reason, ZERO ability to reach my physical mental/mind. Like my physical conscious waking mind/awareness, was for some reason unable to receive this SEEMLESS INTERFACE BETWEEN PHYSICAL AND NON-PHYSICAL.

[Aknaton]

Originally Posted by JayTruther

Hi guys. I saw this body, moving and picking up bits of the kebab, tearing naan and using it to grab chicken and salad etc. This was HAPPENING BY ITSELF. There was no me, no boundary of a body just a happening. Just the view itself as one thing, moving appearence. Entirely impersonal and the felt sense is that nothing is happening just cannot explain it.

Your on the right track! This is just as you have said it, a glimpse. You had a glimpse into anata/the selfless presence. You experienced the emptiness of phenomena, that there is no doer, no seer. Like Patanjali says, when the seer and the object are one, this is yoga. You can grow in this experience through self-inquiry or examining that experience you had. Who was I before self arose? Who am I since there is no self? Eventually, you will realise it and relate with your world as it is without colouring it. I have a number of these glimpses where everything just is. Things just happen without any involvement of self. No colouring, no grasping, no expecting... Just being in action. I think they call this wu Wei?

[JayTruther]

@Ewwerin I see that the glimpses for you must have been longer than the 2 or 3 seconds here.

Your insights really help to unveil more of this mystery of npself. How long did these glimpses last?

@Atnakon Please share your glimpse experiences, I think between us something could trigger if that makes sense 🤔

[Ewwerrin]

Originally Posted by JayTruther

@Ewwerin
How long did these glimpses last?

Less than 3 seconds for sure. Ok... Maybe 5 seconds. it's not like I was measuring it with a stop watch or anything.
I didn't create the experience on purpose. So don't know how it came or went. I usually feel like these things happen through the path of least resistance.

[Ewwerrin]

Now that I think of it, it's almost like my mind was a small entity that existed on its own dimension, completely seperate from everything else, which includes physical and nonphysical and the seemless/synchronised bliss interface in between both, as the quasi physical. The mind was somehow someway seperate from all of that. From that experience. I mean... Always had been. Because I recognized that it was the identity that I had always identified with. As I had never known/experienced anything outside of it. Even now... I am my mind. Which is WEIRD....

It, the bliss interface, also felt like a digital consciousness. I was so tired at the time that I didnt even have the strength to activate fear about it. I was just sort of enjoying how this "simulation" of bliss interface, was unconditionally offering me on autopilot, not only my potential bliss perception (5senses), but also my potential bliss action/response/impulse to that perception. Its hard to describe the details of my ability to choose based on free will how much, or not, to synchronise with those impulses and perceptions. At the time. Because it lasted short but definitely I engaged a bit and changed my physical body to see how it changed the simulation offering of the quasi physical gamma wave bliss interface.
But I engaged with it for sure so I know it was there for sure. Which is weird. Because the simulation was offering unconditional bliss perceptions and optional impulses, algorythmically, based on PERFECT NON INTERFERENCE. So whatever this digital consciousness or mechanism was, it was very much based upon the eternal laws. Whoever designed it, I assume it is simply an eternal aspect of existence? Like a non sentience. YES! NON SENTIENT as if this non sentience was communicating or rather RELAYING information in between my physical body an my greater non-physical source/soul consciousness/being. Even tho minde/ego-self/identity was somehow inaccesible to any of these things. And all of these things were inseperable, except the mind or ego which for some reason stood out in a such a strange way. Unexplainable...

The interface was offering optional impulses that could be synchronised with based upon free will. But it was always there. It was never withhold from my physical being!

So to think, now, how come I never experienced it and neither now... Its not even accesible to me even if I tried now.

In that experience my mind was the identity I had been my whole life and in that moment I noticed that it was not related to anything that actually exists, neither physical nor nonphysical nor quasi physical. Even tho my mind was still there but somewhat also kind of not really there as a real thing. Very strange. Like a small black gap of unidentifiable unrelatable strangeness in between all physical nonphysical and quasi physical things that actually really existed, and even tho my mind was unidentifiable I still recognized that it was indeed my mind, the identity, my identity that I had been my whole life. Which from the broader non-physical consciousness' point of view, was literally as good as non existence, or a piece of insignificant rock in the middle of a big infinite river of infinite freedom.

The gamma state was also related to the experience. The quasi physical bliss interface as I experienced it seems to resonate with the way I perceive the binaural gamma frequency of 40+ hertz. Very high and seemless or streamlined interfacing and integration or cross communication of different levels of my consciousness and apearantly also mind? But at the same time my mind or ego self identity was exactly included in the way that it was actually not included. That is what its inclusion was. It was simply included as "not included". Very strange.
Or unincludable even. Almost like a piece of plastic amidst thousands of lightning rods all channeling down ans flowing through crazy yields of electromagnetic currents.

Almost like a piece of nonexistence, even tho that doesnt exist, so how can it be there? And how can I am experiencing it my whole life, if it is literally NOT A THING?
Or maybe like a void bubble in between physical/nonphysical/quasiphysical and incompatible with all of them Unmergable and unopenuppable. My experience of my mind in those few seconds was so strange exactly because it was there and yet also not. And yet, here I am, I somehow retained this information.
Almost like there was nothing there in ego/mind self identity to open up. Or unable to enter it or exit or receive or relate or connect in anyway. Like utter and complete seperation. And inaccesibility. That was my mind from that point of view, strangely, the mind that is who I have experienced myself to be my whole life, including now, the mind I have identified as myself and as "I know nothing outside of this me, this me... This is all I know." This is who I am even now!
To experience how insignificant and disconnected it was, is very strange to reflect upon now, because now I am in this same one mind again. Why?

Anyway, because I have so few good experiences in my life, I have learned to milk them to infinity when they do occur. Which is perhaps why it seems like I experienced allot for a long time. No, that is just my elaborate description of those few seconds. And also extended focus after the experience (as I always do) helps me retain as much information as possible and not lose the memory of the actual experience itself (practicing occasional dream journalling and dream recall helps with this ability also). And ofcourse extended contemplation on the short experience and reliving it and immersing myself in every single minute detail of it, this helps crystalise the experience into memory for my physical mind self.

I can talk 500 hours about my pinky, that is just who I am. I have never been able to understand anything, and yet, the mind is all I have ever known. The very mind that doesn't understand anything.

I do focus on my memory of these kind of experiences quickly after they have occured, cause I noticed that these kind of experiences contain crazy load amounts of information. That is why they often also last so short. We often think they are insignificant, but they are made to appear that way, otherwise they will not survive in our memory, or they will slip out of our ability to acces them, in the physical mind or ego self. If the actual significance was completely decrypted instantly, it would instantly slip out of the mind or normal waking ego self identity. Or else it would split, or destroy the ego. That is the weird thing... Why is nonphysical consciousness always so seemingly hands off? I can think of many answers, but I simply dont know. It might be love, it might be uncircumventable eternal undefiable absolute law.
whatever this state of consciousness was, it is attempting to communicate with the ego.
I experienced in those few seconds answers to so many questions I had been literally begging to receive an answer for.

In the past, I experienced much longer experiences, which strangely lasted even shorter than 5 or 3 seconds in physical time and space. But it's affects rolled out into time and space in absolutely long lasting horrific ways.

It is hard to describe... But I'll just leave it here, cause if I could describe those experience.... By the time I describe 1 second, all the ink runs out by the time I have just wrote the first 200 books about it, and then I grow old and die. Which is kind of strange... Because it reminds me.... What on earth am I doing on this earth still? Or mind life appearantly. Or ego self perhaps.

It was allot nicer outside of the ego self. Felt allot more freedom. Infinite clarity even beyond the physical senses through the quasi physical interfacing interpretation of nonphysical source consciousness of those physical sense perceptions. Almost like my soul was an eternally active algorythm that eternally interpreted every single experience with utmost infinity of dynamic bliss in sense and impulse also. In perfect vibrational frequency response and synchronisation and seemless interface.

I am literally seeing flashes of deep blue globes of light, as I'm speaking about this. It would be nice if I could create this experience on purpose. Focusing so much on those few seconds of experience certainly feels good/better when I am able to mantain focus more purely on the experience.

But my mind is absolutely convinced that my body is sick, and the numbers on the scale don't help dispell that conviction either. So learning to focus again will be hard if not impossible. Maybe that's why the experience happened. Maybe its not the amount of focus. But the kind of focus. Or the level or dimension of focus.