Thoughts on affairs in marriage

Do you believe that a long term marriage can survive an affair? Emotional, physical or otherwise. Why or why not or how?
If you have direct experience, please share how long you are/were married.
Thank you!!!
Namasté

[Spiritlite]

I've been married for 2 years, been together for a total of 7 years. To me cheating is the end all. Never ever will I cheat on my husband and never would he cheat on me. If either of us cheat on one another what is a break up, there is no way I could go on with my husband if he cheated on me, never. If he found a woman he fell in absolute love with I'd bless him and be on my way. No I could never live with a man who cheated on me, ever. If I cheated on him, then I would expect him to leave me. End of story.
Spiritlite

[Silver]

I'm sure many have had their marriages survive, in a variety of ways. It's all so individual, some get married for convenience. I've had a situation twice in my life, one was a committed nonmarried relationship where he cherished me but strayed by going out on a date once, and he eventually confessed it to me, me being none the wiser that this had happened, and he really was in love with me even though he got tempted. I feel our relationship was more holy than the one in which I was married on paper. The one where I was married on paper, was not to someone that I belonged with and he may have thought so, but his heart wasn't in it, sadly enough, and he said something that hurt as much as if he had cheated right under my nose.

[Roselove]

if the cheater is commited to changing and the partner is willing to forgive and they can move past trust issues the relationship can survive but i have to agree with spiritlite, i would never cheat on anyone and not sure i could move past that

[Lightspirit]

I hope this dony upset anyone out there, but I am not at all a jealous person.
If I se someone touching my wife I think of it as she is bringing them happiness and vice versa. one of my best friends is a girl and she trusts me with here to go out and do stuff with. For me it wouldn't be detrimental. lol a couple of nights ago I hada dream I woke up with my wife's boyfriend next to us in bed ( the one that doesn't exist at all except in my dream). I told her about the dream the next day and told her I dont mind this arrangement ...long as I get to share him too lol. JK

I don't think so at all. I don't care how much forgiving you've done, how much therapy you go through, no matter how much counseling you two get, the one that was cheated on will NEVER forget and will ALWAYS think twice. I know cuz my wife cheated early in our relationship. Cut your losses and move on. If a person cheats on you then they don't love you no matter what the excuse is.

[Smiler]

I honesty dont know..having counselled people there is so many different types of marriages.

I think my answer would depend on what sort of foundation was built by two ( and I mean 2) people in the first place.

Love is Love.... To me its all about real love ..not a piece of paper.
The marriage document is a commitment to love on many levels ..how many people live by that?
I have seen a lot of marriages without Love or one sided Love sadly.

Its not for me to judge another s path! I certainly would not tolerate it by my husband in my marriage considering the dynamics of my relationship! It simply would be time for me to move on.

And they say people thinking it is the same as doing it ay !

All the best
:)

I had been married to my wife for seven years when I found myself in the beginning stages of planning an affair. I was so out of touch with myself and everyone else that it took a couple of days before I was able to admit to myself what I was doing. I realized I had been preparing for something like this for some time. I don't care what anybody says, cheating doesn't "just happen." If you are deeply in love with someone the thought would never even enter your mind. It takes a long period of mulling over a person's irritating habits, shortcomings, and constantly comparing them to others. This is all building up to justify an affair. I never actually cheated on my wife. As hard as it was, I admitted to her what I had been planning. I simply did not want to be a cheater. Today we are best friends and business partners. An affair is a serious betrayal of sacred trust, and irrevoccably changes the nature of a realtionship. If trust is replaced with suspicion, then there can be no healthy relationship. We are always teaching others how to treat us. If someone thinks they get away with treating us a certain way, they will. As a beautiful, spiritual being, you deserve the best, both from yourself as well as others. Ultimately, only you have the answer to your question.
Light and Love,
Ash

LIVLUV... im curious why you ask this? Did this happen or commit the affair or are you considering one???

Bottom line, some people survive it depending on the reason the affair happened and the circumstances but overall its still wrong and i would not stay with the person if it was done to me!

[7luminaries]

Ppl can forgive of course. But I personally would never expect forgiveness unless there were extenuating circumtances. You thought your partner was dead...or you were abandoned. Or you were raped.

Extenuating circumstances aside, I think that I could forgive infidelity. Trust, however, is a different matter. I don't know if I could ever trust after an infidelity. And thus ppl may have to move on even after they forgive, simply because the trust is no longer there.

I actually think maintaining your emotional commitment is also very important. If you have either legal or emotional ties, you need to honour those as they are both fundamental. If you betray either of those, you have betrayed your own conscience and your partner's trust. Same for your partner. In a marriage, these ties are made very concrete and public, and they should be respected.

I am now in process of coming to some emotional closure with someone who is physically miles away. And yet I think it is similar to any other relationship because the bottom line is that you must resolve the emotional ties. I cannot be fully present to myself and to another until I have resolved the emotional aspects. I think it's important to sort out your emotional ties even when there are no legal ties, so that you can be fully available and present to yourself and to whomever else is in your life or may come into your life. It's a form of deep respect and love for others in your life and for yourself.