Can you be your SC's rescuer/guide? Should you be?

[gypsymystique]

I am told that angels and stuff come later. I just felt time stop the first time I saw my tf and that was pretty mild.

[Usako]

But can you send your HS to check on/protect them? How? I want a crash course on this!

Originally Posted by John DiFool

Since my initial "rescue" I have continued to try to build her up, send her cute and/or uplifting pics (sent her flowers once) and convince her that she is the terrific person that she is.

Dear John

You did NOT rescue anyone, especially her.
You did what any good friend or neighbor would do. Some food, kind words, and little companionship are NOT considered RESCUING.

It is merely PHYSICIAL SUPPORT and COMPASSION. You did that to show her that you have these abilities and that you care for her.

We all need physical support at some point in our lives. You also WILL need this kind of physical support from someone in the future.

Why?
Because we will all become old, sick, and die. Some of us are already there.

I am sensing that you are afraid of getting hurt after you invested physically and emotionally into this relationship - Because others in the past disappointed you.
By withholding physical intimacy and physical support, you are thinking that the possible "hurt" will be less painful. This is not the actuality because the pain actually will be greater due to regrets.

LOVE IS TAKING A RISK. LOVE IS ACTION.
Without taking a risk to show LOVE through actions, NOTHING will happen.

IF SOULS do NOT want PHYSICAL LOVE, THEY WOULD STAY IN THE SPIRITUAL WORLD.
IF SOULS JUST WANT SPIRITUAL LOVE, THEY WOULD STAY IN THE SPIRITUAL WORLD.
Souls are in this physical world to experience LOVE with ALL PHYSICAL SENSES.
Hence the reason, why they are born into our physical bodies.

In fact, SPIRITUAL LOVE is NOT the priority in the romantic LOVE pyramid.
Physical love is the foundation of the romantic love. - Similar to Maslow's hierarchy of needs pyramid.

For a satisfying and complete romantic relationship, mental, emotional, and spiritual loves have to be developed after the basic physical love is established first.

We are fooling ourselves if we think that the physical love, physical caring, and physical support are beneath us.

If we do not have these physical aspects in the romantic relationship, none of the other aspects will ever satisfy our cravings.

Just read others' postings about their cravings for the physical intimacy and physical longing for their SCs. Most of them claim to have the spiritual connection and love for them already; however, the LOVE is not satisfied and something is seriously missing without the physical love foundation.

You are going through the UNCERTAINTY period in a new relationship and this is a normal dating stage.

Most couples break up during this period because they do not understand that this is a normal psychological stage of dating.

Since you are NOT sure if you want to be around her (now that she is dating you), VISUALIZE the following images in your mind.

1. She will get better and stronger. She will find her career path again and will be productive again.
2. Once she is better (and since you are not next to her anymore), she will find another man and will get into a romantic relationship with him.
3. He is the one who will kiss her and will make love to her.
4. He is the one who will be there when she reaches over for affection and love
5. He is the one who she will marry and may have children with
6. He is the one who she will share laughter and all joys of her life.
7. He is the one who is holding her hands.

You will be just a fainted memory.

If you are perfectly OK with the above images and are glad that she is in another guy's arms, you should let her go. In fact, I insist, if that is the case.

Just observe and wish her well from the far. You may be safer but you will be missing out a lot.

People come and go.
Only few pull you so strongly that you have a spiritual awakening from its soul connection. It is a rare blessing. But if you can let it go, do that. I just hope that you will not regret your decision 10year from now... or even after 20years from now....

[gypsymystique]

Originally Posted by Suika

But can you send your HS to check on/protect them? How? I want a crash course on this!

There isn't really a separation between twin souls. It's all an illusion of the ego. You don't have to send anything. Just concentrate on the protection being there and it will be.

[John Elessar]

Nada, I honestly don't know what you are on about (and that was true of your last private post to me, of which I will say no more of course). She's had one sort of illness or another for a solid month now (caught a cold the other day), and can't do a lot of outside activities without exhausting her energies-are you suggesting that I should try to seduce her now, when she isn't 100% and the timing is not right? I am mainly concerned with her personal and spiritual growth right now, the physical side not so much. And now as of this morning I found out that something very hinky is going on at work with respect to her, something which could prove very hazardous to me as long as I remain out of the loop (i.e. something either she isn't telling me or my bosses aren't telling me, and I'll leave it at that).


Edit by SF Staff

[Usako]

Originally Posted by gypsymystique

There isn't really a separation between twin souls. It's all an illusion of the ego. You don't have to send anything. Just concentrate on the protection being there and it will be.

Thank you!!!

Originally Posted by John DiFool

Sorry for the lack of updates-my internet went down for almost a week. I'll note that I still don't know what she and I are, exactly-perhaps that in itself is a telling clue...

The question of course is because that is exactly what I seem to be to her now. She got violently ill over Memorial Day weekend and I was literally her only option for support. Thanks to a certain SF member , I brought her some groceries along with some pep talks, and that essentially made me her unquestioned hero in her eyes.

Very long story short with particulars replaced by generalities: she has lived a rather lonely and painful life, and right now is struggling to address all of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, establish her career and find her path. A lot of her current struggles mirror those that I had 30 years ago, but she has a few things I didn't have-she has found her passion, even tho the ****** job market is frustrating it, and she does have her Christian faith (which is our sole major difference, as I am more of a Taoist/Buddhist/Pantheist-yes in just about every other way we match up very uncannily, something she herself has acknowledged). She also has a deep latent reservoir of strength that I am trying to get her to tap; last night she said that she is determined to "rise above" all the people who has wronged her and show them that they are wrong about her.

Since my initial "rescue" I have continued to try to build her up, send her cute and/or uplifting pics (sent her flowers once) and convince her that she is the terrific person that she is. We haven't done anything physical beyond cuddling and holding hands (which is fine with me also for the most part for reasons I won't go into here), but we have had a few dates-she got a lot out of us going to a seashore park and just walking and talking and taking in the sights.

So-is this a good idea? I don't want her to become too dependent on me of course; I kind of suspect that I am simply doing what I've done many times in the past from the "other side" (if you catch my drift), but now can interact directly with my charge in person. But there may be some real dangers here as well. Thoughts?

[Note that this is no longer about trying to "win" her or such-I am mainly concerned with how I should proceed from the perspective of fostering her growth, if I should at all of course.]

If you're a Buddhist then you very well know that you can't rescue or guide or foster or anyone else. Focus on your own plate and the rest will take care of itself. What I mean by that:

Ask yourself, "Why am I tempted to want to rescue her?"

"What is it about ME that makes me want to rescue someone?"

"Why do I feel I need to foster or guide her spiritual growth?"

"What is it about ME that makes me think I know what's best for anyone else? That I can play the role of guide? That I can foster anyone's growth other than my own?"

"Is this my own ego at work here?"

"Does this need in me contradict all my Buddhist teachings?"

"Is she not entitled to walk her own path in her own way, and make her own mistakes? Do I not trust her to do so all by herself? If I don't trust her, what does that say about ME (not her)?"

"If I truly believe she has a 'deep reservoir of strength' is it ego to think she needs ME to help her tap it? Who am I to believe that? Why do I need to believe that?"

"Why do I need to believe that we shared past lives and we were in this situation before? Why does my ego need to tell itself that story? What is in it for me? What is the pay off to me?"

This isn't about her at all. It's about YOU. What is going on in your own life, your own career, etc... that draws you to this woman, and into these particular dynamics? What is it that you are avoiding, which is on your very own plate? Why have you attracted this energy to you now, of all times? Is this a pattern for you? If not, what is it about this time of your life that makes you want to take on this dynamic?

[John Elessar]

Good questions-I'll just say what has worked with my students, which is what I am attempting to cultivate here: an air of open-endedness, letting the person in question find their own way, not throwing a ton of arcane theories and half-thought-out observations her way, nor any judgements. I'm not sure what else I can say here, as this attitude is one I am quite comfortable with now. It is true that some old issues are arising (I think I already said that), which is why I am trying to be a bit cautious now.

[Topaz]

Unfortunately it is part of my nature to hold the mirror up to my Sc and say here you are amazing , you have all the power and tools in your life to move on and create a wonderful life . However in the normal world it is freaky , selfish and I realise if they are not ready it is their choice . I still have that wonderful connection with them and am truly blessed that they came into my life, so I could grow .