Is these enough signs of abusive?

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

For me, this is not the type of person I would want to associate myself with and be around... Whether male or female...

He actually generally has a very positive high vibe. I've found with certain people if my vibe isn't high enough,they slip out of my reality and once i get my vibe high,they come back. Being as energy sensitive as I am,sometimes my vibe can get dip low for awhile. He's not the most depthful person but I think maybe in some ways he is just too immature.

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by life.love.regret.

...Probably

Also,i worried it seemed this way earlier but it wasn't a matter of leading him on. We always only ever hung out in groups and it would've been very hard for me to think he liked me as more then a friend. He actually treated me worse then other females,it seemed like he didn't let me in and showed me less attention.I think reflecting on this,from a psychology point of view,a lack of dating experience can make a resentful towards a woman. And,he is more of a bro type,where he lets himself be closer to guys and favors opinion of fellow guys then he does women. There's insecurity there and i think he was even insecure of his ethnicity. I sensed,even once i heard him lie and act like he was 50% of another ethnicity. I think he fears his ethnicity is less attractive to girls and so it makes him harbor that as a fear and project it.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by annabelle239

He actually generally has a very positive high vibe. I've found with certain people if my vibe isn't high enough,they slip out of my reality and once i get my vibe high,they come back. Being as energy sensitive as I am,sometimes my vibe can get dip low for awhile. He's not the most depthful person but I think maybe in some ways he is just too immature.

The 'talking negatively about you to others behind your back' and 'saying bad things about you to individuals who are interested in you' is really serious in my opinion and an automatic dealbreaker in terms of having any type of relationship with this person. I find it to be manipulative, controlling, deceitful, two-faced, selfish, spiteful, etc... How could you ever trust and respect someone who acts that way towards you (or even others)? From my perspective, you can't...

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by nothingexpert

I think his abuse is mostly in the form of emotional manipulation which as someone else said is possbily worse because you cant see the damage it can do. That and truthfully from the sounds of it, he has the potential to be physically abusive in the right circumstances. I would not keep a person like this in my life or at the very least I would keep him at arms length.

Yeah,i can see that. The part of purposefully not inviting certain people out and putting people in boxes like that is not cool to me. I hated when i first sensed that about him. I wonder if there's certain things i've done though that seem wrong.

[HMyBodhisattva]

Wow. I don't know how one could read this list and want to be around this person. I don't see anything particularly positive at all. Many of these traits sound like my abuse ex-husband who ended up raping me at the end of our marriage, and I would consider everything on the list a red flag and not have this person in my life. This is not a person you can "fix", this is how they are. I would run away fast. But that's me. You just DON'T joke about sexually assaulting someone, and groping someone that doesn't want to be groped, that a form of sexual abuse. imo

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

The 'talking negatively about you to others behind your back' and 'saying bad things about you to individuals who are interested in you' is really serious in my opinion and an automatic dealbreaker in terms of having any type of relationship with this person. I find it to be manipulative, controlling, deceitful, two-faced, selfish, spiteful, etc... How could you ever trust and respect someone who acts that way towards you (or even others)? From my perspective, you can't...

Yeah,i always wondered what exactly he said,too. He always seemed like the most non-judgemental type and until I found out he had feelings for me,I had thought it was because he deemed a difficult person to be around that is why he talked about me and and seemed mad at me. Im glad i have since realized i am not a difficult person. It doesn't feel good when you get invited out and some people there have this facial expression and way of being like they know something you don't and have been amused by you and talking about you. I've never done a thing wrong to this person. I did things that made him feel good about himself in a way he wasnt used to yet somehow i get treated worse,and not let in. Quite frankly,i think the bunch of them are jealous for talking about me. I have sensed a few of the people in this group are gossipers and that one of them may have even lied to this guy about me to keep us apart.

[annabelle239]

Originally Posted by HMyBodhisattva

Wow. I don't know how one could read this list and want to be around this person. I don't see anything particularly positive at all. Many of these traits sound like my abuse ex-husband who ended up raping me at the end of our marriage, and I would consider everything on the list a red flag and not have this person in my life. This is not a person you can "fix", this is how they are. I would run away fast. But that's me. You just DON'T joke about sexually assaulting someone, and groping someone that doesn't want to be groped, that a form of sexual abuse. imo

He was black out drunk when he said that to the girl and the girl is a tough type girl who tends to stand up for herself well and is one of his closer friends. Im sure she wasnt afraid of him for that but just annoyed. I don't really like those kind of jokes either and when he said that remember thinking this is too much drama but knew he clearly was just offended and super drunk and not right in the head. That's the drunkest i've ever seen him. I'm really sorry for what happened with you and your ex husband.

I meant he's probably gay.

I knew somebody who was just like this. You could have been writing about him. Same issues, same attitude, same everything. Turns out he was gay and really didn't want to be.

What's posted above it's definitely indicative of a certain level of misogyny. Sounds a bit like alcoholism maybe too. Alcohol can lead to some very nasty talk. My Mom and Dad used to say stuff to me while drunk that they'd never say sober. It was abuse to me. I would walk away from this guy so fast. Whatever the problem he's toxic and no amount of apologizing can make up for this kind of stuff once said. It definitely scars...

[wolfgaze]

Annabelle, how do you think this individual would act (react) if he were dating someone and that someone decided to break things off with him? If he treats people he's not even in a relationship with the way that you describe - I'd be real concerned about how he would handle being broken up with and in his mind 'rejected'.... I bet it wouldn't be pretty... If he's displaying such strong insecurity issues and antisocial behavior prior to someone even being in a relationship with him, you can imagine this behavior would be intensified should he be in a relationship and then have that taken away from him...