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Originally Posted by Cristina
Hi Twin,
How do you manage through the separation?? Do you obsess about him at all?? When you say spiritual connection --- I guess, can you tell me more?? Does he understand or appreciate the connection as you do?? It sounds like you are on straight forward with your spiritual progression which, is cool.... I guess I'm just curious what others are doing or have learned that I need to learn...  |
It took a long time to come to terms with it, and after 18 months of physical separation (second time) it's only been in the last three months or so that I've began to feel more at peace. I should think about the process really, and write down the stages I went through as it might help others. What I did feel, when we fell out most recently, from the first evening after we separated, was this feeling of eternal connection with him, like whatever goes wrong between us in the physical is not affected in spirit. We are together eternally, entwined eternally. I have never, and I repeat never, felt this way about anyone before in my life. Not an ex boyfriend, not an estranged friend, not a dead family member. I have always felt that kind of 'See them in the afterlife/spirit world' kind of feeling, when someone leaves your life seemingly permanently, but this was way beyond that. It was totally different. And this was months before I began to look into the TF thing. I still feel it. It's unbreakable, it really is. There is no escape
He also told me psychically at the time of our falling out (again from the first evening it happened) that we were 'already married' Since he is married in this life at the moment, I had no idea what he was talking about and thought it was hilarious. Until I looked into the TF thing a few months later and realised he was referring to the Divine Marriage....! He also kept saying 'Your black is my white' At first, I thought he meant that we just weren't seeing eye to eye, and that we were like chalk and cheese, which was pretty accurate for us at the time. Until, again, a few months later I realised that he was referring to the TF Yin/Yang connection - black and white! I am the black Yin and he is the white Yang.
That evening (our falling out had occured during the day) I was surrounded by spirit guides and I could hear their voices and comfort, as well as his. I now know why I was surrounded by so much love that night - separation from our TF is an incredibly traumatic experience.
Maybe the process for me, from then to now, was kinda like a pendulum, where when we separated this time round it swung right into abject pain, and as time went on the swinging from abject pain to peace became less extreme. In between the two sides (abject pain and peace) were issues around doubting and believing the connection, and I seemed to swing between those two quite a lot. Now those swings are becoming less frequent and less extreme in their nature, and I am feeling at peace a lot more. While it is wise to not lose touch with physical reality and forego an open mind about TFs in case we are wrong, I have found a place in my life/heart/mind for the strong possibility that he is my TF, that the experience is real and that it is the universe that will ultimately decide each step along the way.
I think that has been the hardest part of the journey - reconciling the profound, crazy, spiritual experience with the reality of every day life, without developing a psychosis!
I don't know how much he knows about this on a physical level, as we have never discussed this, but I feel his soul knows because we communicate regularly in spirit. Most of the things happening have not been vague/easily explained away and many have been backed up in real life. Eg on two occasions in the past, a few months prior to our second separation, I felt him walk into the room while I was on the computer - the energy was incredibly strong and I literally stopped what I was doing and said hi to him! Each time I found he had emailed me at the exact time I felt him walk in.
The first time it happened I was completely unaware as to why his energy was in the room. It was around ten minutes later, after continuing to browse the net feeling completely bewildered as to what had just happened, when I casually opened my inbox and there it was. The second time, I was wise to it though still just as amazed to find it sitting there, and it stopped happening after that, almost as if he/the universe had made their point and that was all I needed to know! It's not like he emailed me very often, either, he would only do that once a fortnight or so, so it was pretty unusual and a very strong indicator that there was spiritual communication going on between us. This when he lives three hundred miles away from me as well by the way...
The initial obsessive feelings 'why did he hurt me like that?' and 'when is he coming back?' have died down into a more peaceful acceptance and awareness of the connection. Only for the strange experiences I have had that cannot be explained away, I'd think I was crazy for still holding on almost two years later! The time indicates a lot too - anybody else I had fallen out with, boyfriend or friend, I would be over by now, and he and I were never together romantically either!
I also feel a great deal of affection for his family, like I know them, even though I have only met a couple of them. But that's probably because
he knows them lol, and since we are essentially the same soul capable of communicating our emotional experiences to each other, that probably explains it!
I'm qute happy to date and love other men in the romantic sense too, so I know the connection isn't a romantic obsession, and am going out and living my life as normal. He's just 'there' now, part of me, within me, on a low light! And I usually see him staring back when I look in the mirror - we have the same eyes! Still freaks me out at times that, even though I know what to expect by now! xx
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