On The Steps

[Abbara]

On The Steps

Oh, wonder!
How is it that I find myself
so suddenly and unexpectedly
on the steps that lead up
and away from the Abyss?

Resigned*ever to wander endlessly
until that longed for day
should chance to dawn,
when I would see no more
of this scarcity and starkness
expecting then to draw my last breath.

But here,*
in the flowering of my new days of pride
I see that my feet have inadvertently
found their way to the other side.
I didn’t see the road sign
that said ‘You are almost there!’

I turn and look back
expecting to see the gloom
of forests dark and drear
the canyons bleak and dry

And oh, glorious wonder!*
I see behind me the Garden of the Gods
The pathway paved with gold
the Cherubim and Seraphim ever watching.

....and I know, as I suspected....
I never ever left the sight
never ever left the provision
of Father and Mother*
who love and sustain me.

On the steps leading up
and out and away
from the Abyss
It is difficult, looking back*
to even see the path*
that led me here.

I turn and smile
I take the hand you offer
and with your help
continue my climb
up and out and away.

*© 12/16/2000

I started to explain how this came to be written, but I find it really interesting to hear what you 'intuit' about what is posted. I did share the poem 'The Abyss' earlier on SF.

[Miss Hepburn]

Abbara, you are really something.
Excellent.

[brokenwings]

This gave me bona fide goosebumps .

Which kicked in at the Oh glorious wonder moment...

Was this written after illness? Although may just be relating that to my own emergence from years of poor health and the aha's that I have looking back to see how incredibly valuable they were and what a massive amount I learned and how much I grew during those times.

Thankyou Abbara

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by Abbara

On The Steps

Oh, wonder!
How is it that I find myself
so suddenly and unexpectedly
on the steps that lead up
and away from the Abyss?

A sudden turnaround in changing life cycles?
A shift and space to move beyond the old cycle holding you down?
Ascending begins?

Resigned*ever to wander endlessly
until that longed for day
should chance to dawn,
when I would see no more
of this scarcity and starkness
expecting then to draw my last breath.

A deeper level of trial and tribulation
Where an opportunity came to light to move out?
Where the real dream of you came alive/the dream within the dream?
Moved you to awaken to a major new beginning
A major crossroad in change in your world?
A shift from something that left you empty and stripped in some form?

It almost feels like you walked away from a life that you perceived would lock you in forever?

But here,*
in the flowering of my new days of pride
I see that my feet have inadvertently
found their way to the other side.
I didn’t see the road sign
that said ‘You are almost there!’

The movement of change, as shift into a deeper level of self worth?
Recognising that all things come to and end in time even when we cant see change coming?
Cycles end, feelings change, life goes on
In the walk you began to notice little things, new things moving you up and out?

I turn and look back
expecting to see the gloom
of forests dark and drear
the canyons bleak and dry

The ever present old self/cycles
Still wondering if it will rise and still be a part of this new walk ?
Old world view?

And oh, glorious wonder!*
I see behind me the Garden of the Gods
The pathway paved with gold
the Cherubim and Seraphim ever watching.

Your now aware of the old view transformed
The view behind you has integrated, coming full circle?
Gold is the open gate of spirit/light/god/angelic bearers of spirit/fallen angels?

....and I know, as I suspected....
I never ever left the sight
never ever left the provision
of Father and Mother*
who love and sustain me.

The knowing state where you realize that the past was a perception of not being supported and loved, yet in the shift you realize we are supported and loved. Your eyes open to see, your heart open to feel?

On the steps leading up
and out and away
from the Abyss
It is difficult, looking back*
to even see the path*
that led me here.

The transformation now merging into a deeper state of being all things clear?

I turn and smile
I take the hand you offer
and with your help
continue my climb
up and out and away.

Gratitude arises and the support now comes in new ways in knowing and feeling. Ascending those steps ?

*© 12/16/2000

I started to explain how this came to be written, but I find it really interesting to hear what you 'intuit' about what is posted. I did share the poem 'The Abyss' earlier on SF.

If I am intuiting in the way this formed, then I can relate it in myself and how all this feels in the shift and major turnaround where you begin to live more in loving awareness.Walking aware of yourself now beyond the darkness and trails we all endure in some way. Their are no bells or whistles in this kind of awakening, just the pureness of spirit and endless gratitude/grace that never leaves you. You walk it all..

It feels like a major ending and new beginning over all but would love to hear your own view of you in all this.

[naturesflow]

"We're fascinated by the words, but where we meet is in the silence behind them."

~ Ram Dass

[Abbara]

Originally Posted by brokenwings

This gave me bona fide goosebumps .

Which kicked in at the Oh glorious wonder moment...

Was this written after illness? Although may just be relating that to my own emergence from years of poor health and the aha's that I have looking back to see how incredibly valuable they were and what a massive amount I learned and how much I grew during those times.

Thankyou Abbara

Thank you bokenwings. In the ‘human realm setting,’ mine was not physical illness, but a series of huge sorrows. My circumstances involved the death of a grandchild, family, my extremely compliant, obedient and self-sacrificing nature, and feeling completely tossed away in divorce. It fractured the family, our three children and my husband's four nieces we had taken in to raise. I had tried so hard to establish this group in love. I was a fervent ‘church lady’ and had begun to evolve into a deeper spiritual relationship because of my decision to live as if I believed what I was reading in scriptures. Always looking for 'the silver lining,' I realized that my alone time now made it possible for me to do my own healing work, for I had no idea who I was. It was a massive gift for me to be 'alone' at this time, thus the fractured family served a good purpose. Relieved of matriarchal duty and privilege (source of wise advice, grandparenting, baby-sitting LOL), I threw myself into my healing work with all my might… and then I found myself. Most of me anyway.

[brokenwings]

Oh my, Abbara
I can only imagine what you went through, but what absolutely - what word will suffice here? - incredible proof it all is of the 'dark night' forcing
( lovingly) us inwards, to find and realise our true selves.

I feel choked to read your words, and now I understand my goosebumps completely.

This is a very special poem...

[Abbara]

Originally posted by Naturesflow

It almost feels like you walked away from a life that you perceived would lock you in forever?

Naturesflow... awesome intuiting. Wow, I think that is a crucial line for what was happening to me. I actually envisioned myself in a deeply rutted trail, going in circles. I recall saying to God one night after choir practice, "If this is all there will ever be, singing in the choir and teaching Sunday School, OK. I don't like it, but I love you." I wanted more. More. MORE!

I would likely never have walked away from my husband and quarrelsome family on my own, but believe I was given a big boot by a woman with whom I had made a "between lives agreement" to help each other get unstuck in this life. She came into my room in a dancing whirl of pink and gold light to reveal that to me one night. The woo-woo impressions, visions and synchronistic events came like a tropical storm around this time. I had tried so hard not to be woo-woo, but after holding it in so long, I guess it just erupted like an artesian well and washed me away! LOL I was ‘set aside’ by family because I defended one child who was made a scapegoat by the entire rest of the group.

So much for the BIG SORROW that got me headed into a new spiritual reality. I knew I couldn’t take this family woe into a loving relationship. Wound pretty tight, I couldn’t relax to get into meditative states. So I envisioned running and jumping over a stark cliff and found myself landing in the abyss. It worked super for years, then one day, a giant angel caught me and I said, “You aren’t gonna let me do this anymore, are you? The answer, just a playful grin.

The looking back at the Abyss... my attitude was a bit more stubborn, like I had survived the worst someone could throw at me and I wanted to remember how tough it was. I might even have been a bit sad to leave it behind, being so compulsive and fascinated with it all. LOL Such attitude! But I began to climb toward I knew not what...

And then I met a man, who became my second husband, and I knew love again. Crazy bed-bug, teenage love.

[Abbara]

Brokenwings... your signature sums up what happened to me, quite nicely.

Kintsukuroi is the Japanese art of mending broken pottery by filling the cracks with gold.
They believe that when something has suffered damage and has a history, it is more beautiful.

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by Abbara

Originally posted by Naturesflow

Naturesflow... awesome intuiting. Wow, I think that is a crucial line for what was happening to me. I actually envisioned myself in a deeply rutted trail, going in circles. I recall saying to God one night after choir practice, "If this is all there will ever be, singing in the choir and teaching Sunday School, OK. I don't like it, but I love you." I wanted more. More. MORE!



I would likely never have walked away from my husband and quarrelsome family on my own, but believe I was given a big boot by a woman with whom I had made a "between lives agreement" to help each other get unstuck in this life. She came into my room in a dancing whirl of pink and gold light to reveal that to me one night. The woo-woo impressions, visions and synchronistic events came like a tropical storm around this time. I had tried so hard not to be woo-woo, but after holding it in so long, I guess it just erupted like an artesian well and washed me away! LOL I was ‘set aside’ by family because I defended one child who was made a scapegoat by the entire rest of the group.




So much for the BIG SORROW that got me headed into a new spiritual reality. I knew I couldn’t take this family woe into a loving relationship. Wound pretty tight, I couldn’t relax to get into meditative states. So I envisioned running and jumping over a stark cliff and found myself landing in the abyss. It worked super for years, then one day, a giant angel caught me and I said, “You aren’t gonna let me do this anymore, are you? The answer, just a playful grin.

The looking back at the Abyss... my attitude was a bit more stubborn, like I had survived the worst someone could throw at me and I wanted to remember how tough it was. I might even have been a bit sad to leave it behind, being so compulsive and fascinated with it all. LOL Such attitude! But I began to climb toward I knew not what...

And then I met a man, who became my second husband, and I knew love again. Crazy bed-bug, teenage love.

I am glad you made it out..