Thinking about him again...

[Kiran]

It seems I can't forget him (actually, I don't know if I even want to, but sometimes thinking about him just hurts a little inside...).

I think about him every day, if even for a minute. I like to have these little "talks" in my head, words he gets too, without them being spoken out except in our heads...

Today I worked on my book, and there found again the text about our special encounter, spiritual sexuality beyond anything considered "normal"...

But then, even if we have a soul connection, and even if it's so strong, that I can feel him and he can feel me, I am sure we are not meant to be together in this lifetime. He has a girlfriend, and it's okay, after all we have a big age difference too and people in my surroundings would not look with benevolent eyes upon our relationship. They don't know about our soul connection, I never told anybody, because they just wouldn't understand.

Sometimes I wonder, why did we even meet, why did we even find each other, if we were only to be friends in real life, or partners in our lucid dreams (we have a spirit daughter called Valeria too, but only we two know that)?

WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS?

I wonder, will I ever find someone I love more than him? I already lost the one I once considered as the love of my life, and I really love this guy, our soul connection is so strong, and astral sex with him feels so great. But we will never be together in real life, SO? Why? Why did we meet? Just to find out that it's never going to be possible? It hurts...

[umbridge]

Unfortunately you dont find someone who you could love more than him. Its sad, its painful, but it is just the way it is.

Whats the point? To help you grow and heal from the past wounds.

[Jatd]

Oh this.. yes. I am in the same boat. There is a big age difference between us as well, and not a minute goes by that I don't think about him. But could we really ever have a relationship without being looked down on? How heartbreaking.. and there isn't another that I will ever love as much. I have come to terms with that. I am almost to the point that I would be ok being alone forever. His love will sustain me for a million times over. I just can't be with anyone else. It just seems so, ... fake. Without substance.

Originally Posted by umbridge

Whats the point? To help you grow and heal from the past wounds.

This just (literally) made me open up my eyes really wide. This is exactly what has come of it for me. Ever since I hit rock bottom, I've been coming across reminders of my past. I.e. old journals, papers, pictures, etc. Finally I took a moment to sit down and recall my past milestones from when I hit adolescence to now and I cried...a lot. But it was the first time I've ever recognized what ive been through and gave myself credit for it all. I finally felt brand new; healed. It was an epiphany. This is exactly true. And it wouldn't have happened without this experience. And now i keep seeing 333. Thanks, umbridge, for your words. <3

[smARTistic girl]

Originally Posted by Kiran

It seems I can't forget him (actually, I don't know if I even want to, but sometimes thinking about him just hurts a little inside...).

I think about him every day, if even for a minute. I like to have these little "talks" in my head, words he gets too, without them being spoken out except in our heads...

Today I worked on my book, and there found again the text about our special encounter, spiritual sexuality beyond anything considered "normal"...

But then, even if we have a soul connection, and even if it's so strong, that I can feel him and he can feel me, I am sure we are not meant to be together in this lifetime. He has a girlfriend, and it's okay, after all we have a big age difference too and people in my surroundings would not look with benevolent eyes upon our relationship. They don't know about our soul connection, I never told anybody, because they just wouldn't understand.

Sometimes I wonder, why did we even meet, why did we even find each other, if we were only to be friends in real life, or partners in our lucid dreams (we have a spirit daughter called Valeria too, but only we two know that)?

WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS?

I wonder, will I ever find someone I love more than him? I already lost the one I once considered as the love of my life, and I really love this guy, our soul connection is so strong, and astral sex with him feels so great. But we will never be together in real life, SO? Why? Why did we meet? Just to find out that it's never going to be possible? It hurts...

It only hurts a little? I'll admit, mine hurts a lot. I'm in a pretty similar situation - big age difference, both of us in relationships, no way to ever be together without hurting/disappointing a lot of people. I'm always asking the "why??" question, too. I work hard on making the most of the situation. It's so important to me that we stay in contact, that we stay friends. Because even though it's painful to think of him so often and know that we can't be together, that pain is NOTHING compared to the pain I feel when one of us tries to break all ties. I sometimes wonder if the pain of separation from our twin is a hint of what hell must be like...

[Kiran]

Thank you all for your answers. It's nice to know that I'm not alone with this and you are in similar situations.

umbridge, I am thinking about what you said, that it makes me grow and heal the past wounds. Yes, I have grown with him, he is ever calling me forward. And I've healed a lot of pain from the past, from when I lost the other guy.

smARTistic, it is exactly how you say. The pain of thinking about him is nothing compared to the pain it would be if we parted.

[Nymphea]

Originally Posted by Jatd

Oh this.. yes. I am in the same boat. There is a big age difference between us as well, and not a minute goes by that I don't think about him. But could we really ever have a relationship without being looked down on? How heartbreaking.. and there isn't another that I will ever love as much. I have come to terms with that. I am almost to the point that I would be ok being alone forever. His love will sustain me for a million times over. I just can't be with anyone else. It just seems so, ... fake. Without substance.

Oh how I wish my TF said that. He keeps dating with lots of girls he finds at datingsites and I hate it.

[Nymphea]

Originally Posted by smARTistic girl

It only hurts a little? I'll admit, mine hurts a lot. I'm in a pretty similar situation - big age difference, both of us in relationships, no way to ever be together without hurting/disappointing a lot of people. I'm always asking the "why??" question, too. I work hard on making the most of the situation. It's so important to me that we stay in contact, that we stay friends. Because even though it's painful to think of him so often and know that we can't be together, that pain is NOTHING compared to the pain I feel when one of us tries to break all ties. I sometimes wonder if the pain of separation from our twin is a hint of what hell must be like...

The same here. I don't why we have to go through this but it's the way it is. I feel so lucky to be in touch with my TF, we are good friends. But I want so much more I only I could...