Hey there everyone,
I have a bit of a problem, in my relationship. I am not sure if there is really something wrong, but sometimes we have a problem.
We pretty much almost never fight, its easier to us to talk about things, but sometimes something he does hurts me.
The thing is that I am a very artistic kind of person, I paint, make things and care a lot about the meaning of things. The symbolism, the meaning. But every time I try to explain to him what I made, what it means to me, he shrugs and explains that he is not the type of person that understands that kind of thing. And he doesn't try.
For me, deep inside this is scary, because he does not seem to understand that what I show him,.. is me.
My deeper self, my deeper knowing.
When I have come to understand something about myself, I try to express it. But in that, I am alone.
I will give an example.
This past time I have been working on a painting with a peaceful looking girl on it, that has her eyes closed. There is a lotus flower growing above her head, and green lotus leafs around her.
In my thoughts, my painting is about a person that is looking inside herself, that is why her eyes are closed. The lotus symbol is about growing from nothing into something. Growing from the mud, to the light above the water. To me, the mud is about the difficulties in the past, and the lotus is growing out of it.
In the painting the girl is me, that is how it feels to me. I look inside and see that I am growing. It is basically what it is about. It is me seeing my potential, which is special to me because I am a very shy and unsure kind of person full of self doubt.
Painting it, helps me to grow.
When I am painting it, I feel joy, because I realize there is potential in me. The amazing thing is, that it just flowed. Which is what I search for all the time.
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To me, all of this has meaning. Meaning that makes me happy and hopeful. It gives me energy.
I tried to explain this to my partner, but he was like 'ah well, I am not the type of person that understands these things'. And that was that. He does appreciate the technique, or how well it is done. But the meaning is gibberish to him.
To me it is so important that my partner, understands this part of me. That I can talk to him about it. And I even want him to see it, by himself, what it means. Because it is me,.. I want him to understand me. To see me.
Friends see it, my mother sees it, lots of people see what it is about.
Sometimes I get all quiet when this kind of conversation happens. I get so scared.. and my motivation to express more, gets lost.
Is it a bad sign in a relationship?
Or is he just a very different kind of person? And should I learn not to want him to see what it is about?
Is he scared of the deeper meaning of things? Can I help him grow into that?
Or should I not try to change it?
I feel ungrateful, because there is so much to him that is wonderful. I love him a lot. It is just this one thing that really bothers me and scares me.
I cannot express this big part of me, to him. He does not see it.
He does care about the fact that I am painting again, he tells me over and over to keep on going, because he wants me to be happy.
But he does not see me. He just sees pictures.
I just wanted to share it here, and see what others would say about it.
Can you help me?