I am evil

[umbridge]

you can delete this thread

You can change your mind ......

Seeing your error is the first step toward the REAL ......

The REAL is not around the error , it is smack in the CENTER of it!

Uncover IT~!

[umbridge]

I finally understood that I am in love with the Universe. I didnt understand it before that much as I became aware of that today.
I finally understand why normal relationships does not work for me. I love people.
I am committed to my own soul growth and evolution. The more I am in love with myself the more I can be who I am, who I really am. And it feels so liberating and good!

I felt guilty because I thought that finding different people attractive means some way that I am unfaithful. And I can only keep up with people who get that we are multidimensional beings and in further years in relationships area there's going to be a lot of changes. Because everything is changing.
We are changing because we are not so limited anymore. I cannot say that I only love one person, because I feel the love for every person.
Its the time when I feel like I am in sync with the Universe and I always am when I am connected to my heart.
There are actually no right or wrong relationships or people.

The more we love ourselves, the more we accept and love others and the more love grows and the more we feel loved and blessed. It really is a wonderful feeling. Knowing that its OK, to be attracted to different kinds of people (does not matter man or woman or in what age)..

I can feel attraction for the woman who is walking down the street..or the old male teacher who is still teaching physics.. my heart expands and I am wiling to share my love and energy with them. It does not mean that I have to touch them or sth, because we are all energy.. and the more sensitive we are..actually the better.


Love&Light my friends

[sublevel]

"am I evil, yes I am, I am evil, I am man,

[umbridge]

Originally Posted by sublevel

"am I evil, yes I am, I am evil, I am man,

I dont think its a gender issue.

I have felt guilty when I have felt attracted to someone, at the same time felt also guilty when someone is attracted to me, but I cannot respond the same way.

I am who I am and when I am fully expressing myself, being free and playful, just dont want to hurt anyone, when I am just expressing who I am, not always looking for a relationship. Maybe I am teaser and have my physiological issues, but I just want to flow and act on my gut and feelings.

Should I not communicate with people and be myself? Or should I always tell them at the start that I just like to share my energy? But at the same time I dont know where relationships with different people are heading? I just try, watch and see. When I dont feel it to put any more of my effort into sth, I just dont do it.

I guess I just think too much.
Thanks for reading!

Oooo, you don't sound very evil...unless you're drawing people into illusion just to satisfy some whimsy of your own.

But we all own our selfhoods, and our problems. So someone drawn to you has to make their assessment of you and decide whether to fall for your wiles.

If they fall for illusion that's their look-out!

[umbridge]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Oooo, you don't sound very evil...unless you're drawing people into illusion just to satisfy some whimsy of your own.

But we all own our selfhoods, and our problems. So someone drawn to you has to make their assessment of you and decide whether to fall for your wiles.

If they fall for illusion that's their look-out!

I try not to. I just try not to give my evil side power. Because i know I am capable of drawing people to me, get satisfied and then move on. Once enter in relationship like that, seemed like I just wanted to be in relationship or I liked the person, but like does not mean that I am willing to work for it.

I get scared when I see that the other person is attracted and I tend to not fall in love easily. And it makes me feel so bad and guilty. I just am who I am, I can only be responsible for my own feelings. When someone feels attracted or falls in love with me, I cannot stop it, maybe they needed this experience. Maybe they needed me to learn some lesson about themselves? I try to take it that way.

Only when someone is really deeply touched my heart I am willing to work for it. Other times I am just experience what life has to offer.

I dont know what relationships are. Romantic ones I mean. Usually people get attracted and they want to be in relationship, but I dont want to. I just want to have male friends. The ones I got are much younger and older than me. Men at same age, usually start acting weirdly. Friends with benefits or romantic relationship.

Its very natural to feel attracted to different kinds of people. And I have been attracted one-sided and I always take it as an experience or lesson. And I am happy and grateful that for a little time I had someone to think about.

Because I am feeling guilty I feel like I should avoid relationships and be alone, because I feel like am evil and I know how to use my power.

I just try not to over think.
But I just dont want to hurt anyone.

[someguy92]

In my opinion you are just confused.

For start every person is different, but again we are all the same, its kind of hard to grasp the concept. Ofcourse we can love other people of same gender or even different species, love is universal. But love and sexual attraction are TWO different things, we can love anyone who we wish to, heck I love my friends, family, my cats everyone who has good heart, I am attracted to people who are good, but sexually attracted only to women. You must understand that love is not sex and sex is not love, love is when you care about the other person, the positive energy, when you want to help them and protect them, when they are close to your soul. Sex is just physical pleasure and tool for reproduction,people think love is sex but its not, its just hollywood poppycock wich hurts alot of people in the process. Physical world has its limits and we must accept these limits otherwise we will live in delussion. We live here and now in physical world, spiritual world is when we die, of course spiritual journeys are important, but our home is physical realm in this moment, living between two worlds is dangerous to your soul.

Evil, evil....you dont know what true evil is. You know there is major rule in your life, do what you want in your life AS LONG AS YOU DONT HURT ANYONE IN THE PROCESS. Its simple, good and evil, well seflish and unselfish are two different sides of a spectrum. They are two sides of the same coin, we have evil side and good side, we NEED both of them in life. We need good side to be human and evil side to protect us from danger. Balance is key, golden middle road, one extreeme or another is dangerous. Than there is what I call true evil, the void, darkness. Its hard to understand unless you experience it...evil is absence of God, its absence of life and hatred for it. True evil is out of this world, its malevolence, its void ,its utter nothing, pure nothing. There is trully nothing worse that nothing for the end of time. You can adapt to anything, but you cannot adapt to nothing, its impossible, its going against principle of life, of existence.

You are not evil, you are just confused, you just need time for yourself to discover who you are and how you work.

[Volaju]

Originally Posted by umbridge

I try not to. I just try not to give my evil side power. Because i know I am capable of drawing people to me, get satisfied and then move on. Once enter in relationship like that, seemed like I just wanted to be in relationship or I liked the person, but like does not mean that I am willing to work for it.

I get scared when I see that the other person is attracted and I tend to not fall in love easily. And it makes me feel so bad and guilty. I just am who I am, I can only be responsible for my own feelings. When someone feels attracted or falls in love with me, I cannot stop it, maybe they needed this experience. Maybe they needed me to learn some lesson about themselves? I try to take it that way.

Only when someone is really deeply touched my heart I am willing to work for it. Other times I am just experience what life has to offer.

I dont know what relationships are. Romantic ones I mean. Usually people get attracted and they want to be in relationship, but I dont want to. I just want to have male friends. The ones I got are much younger and older than me. Men at same age, usually start acting weirdly. Friends with benefits or romantic relationship.

Its very natural to feel attracted to different kinds of people. And I have been attracted one-sided and I always take it as an experience or lesson. And I am happy and grateful that for a little time I had someone to think about.

Because I am feeling guilty I feel like I should avoid relationships and be alone, because I feel like am evil and I know how to use my power.

I just try not to over think.
But I just dont want to hurt anyone.

Depends on how you draw people to you; like, I don't know: Telling them all this stuff about your heart, your inner core, your life, your family problems, your ideas of relationship - sexual desires, sexual empathy, and all that jazz - and bring them close to who you are while empathizing with them, and then pouring all of your emotional problems on them as if though they are a bucket - and then when it feels like things are too close you just shove them off like they aren't anything and then move on elsewhere because either you are too frightened to realize you pulled someone close to you or you are really just letting your evil side get a taste of who they are and when its done you let your evil side decide whether or not they are worth. You already hurt them when you pushed them away - by sitting there telling them all those things, you drew them close to your heart - and then when you get close to their own and see them for who they are you then push them away.

When you let someone feel strong feelings for you, next time do them a favor and just tell them they aren't worth it right then and there - don't lead them on like they are some kind cattle for a meal. I can understand if all you want is a sexual relationship, that's different - if all he wants is to **** then that's that. But if you are sitting there pouring your heart to someone and getting close to the point it gets sexual and then rubbing them off and pushing them away later because of so-called fear, then that's far from right in my eyes. That's not just seduction, that's teasing and using other's just to pour your negative feelings into and then leave them there with this feeling of being used and abused.

Just my two-cents.

[umbridge]

Yesterday I felt extreme guilt. I felt so dark. But what I suppose to do then?

When I was a teenager, I was quite shy, maybe it was not shyness, maybe it was my sensitivity. It seemed like I always knew more then I asked even if nothing was said.
I always have been good with words, thats why for everyone it seemed very logical choice when they heard that I want to study literature in collage. I always have liked writing and many people encouraged me to go for it.

Anyway. In my teens I tended to live in fantasy world. I was raised up without my father and for some years I did not know how to approach them. Men have always seemed very similar to me. Like I really get what they are thinking and seem more natural for me than being a woman. Maybe because my mother is very masculine I dont know. At the same time my father is carrying feminine energy. He have had many wifes and lot of women in his life. Maybe because he was raised by his father and aunt, not by his mother. His mother and father did not get along well and both had separate lives. It definitely left some scars in his heart. His relationships with women was not healthy.
I can only relay on the letters he sent to me many years ago where he wrote how terribly sorry he is for causing me pain and he never wanted me to have such kind of life. But as we all, my father also had a dark side. You can imagine, that when you are handsome man and in good contact with your feminine side, you are definitely popular among women. He knows how to dress and how to act, classy gentleman. And I am proud of him even when he did things to me what made me afraid of him. But I forgave him after all he has been through he is still my father.
I remember how I missed him when I was a child. I never really wanted to ask my mother about him, because she did not seemed to be very opened to talk about it. Its sad how relationships work, sometimes it will left us so scared and scarred that we dont want to think about any other relationship which could help to heal us. And my mother closed herself after the pain my father caused him. And she is still hurting. She has buried it deep into her... I understand her.

So I have a very masculine mother and absent father, no brothers nor sisters, not many close relatives, grandparents are dead and all my life I have felt alone. Until I met my SC or TF or whatever the name and my true spiritual journey began. I am very grateful for that. I got hurt and felt indescribable pain, but I am still alive. He tried to do everything to kill my love for him, but I have to say that he was not that successful. I love him and I know that he is the one. And not in the romantic terms anymore, love is not only emotional, it goes beyond all of this. I would do everything for him. The road has been very bumpy and I have felt guilty for even entering in his life and trying to understand why all is what it is. Maybe because I thought that this connection is sacred and we dont get hurt, but what it happened was that we both hurt each other the deepest way possible than even my childhood issues felt like tiny problems compared do this.

I always have wanted support from others. But I did not know how to ask for it. He opened me to the world and its miracles and put faith in me that everything is possible if you just believe.

Last time I got really hurt was in Spring. I came to him and said that I need him, he said to me that I should find someone who make me happy, because he did.
After that I felt very heartbroken, because it really seemed like its the end. I drank 2 week almost every day and felt very suicidal. But his words kept repeating in my head: "Find someone who makes you happy.." So I tried everything and did everything what I would not do before. I fought with my fears and felt like I really have to expand my love..when I cannot talk to him, where I find the support, where I find that love I am seeking? So I had to open up myself. I was very closed and held myself for him before for over 5 years maybe, because I hoped everyday that he will come and we end up like in fairy tale. It did not happen, because real relationships need work and trust and love is that clue that holds couples together over time.. I believe so....relationships need work and effort..things wont always fall magically in place unless you work on it.

Because before I was closed and then I got terribly hurt and felt like I need to share my love which I had in my heart with somebody or with everybody.. I started to share myself..
And I really found someone who makes me happy, its ME. I make myself happy. No matter what happens outside of me.. I can make myself happy.. I dont need another person to make me happy, because it does not happen anyway..we are all responsible for our own happiness..thats why healthy relationships are made when two people are already whole not searching the wholeness in another...

And now I am just experiencing what life has to offer. Somehow I am really scared of the pain I have gone through..even looking back to this experience, its seems all like a dream. Sometimes I even question myself was it all real or just my imagination.

But something tells me that I have to keep on going to experience and expand. I still believe in Divine Timing and Divine Plan.

So to sum up.. I took the love I had from one person and share it with everyone of I felt connected to..
I did not want to be alone anymore..
I did not want to feel hurt..
I just tried everything ...


Maybe I am evil due to this.. at the moment I am just trying to cope with what I got.


I have to say I feel much more at ease now when I have written about it. Feels like my energy is lighter, I am not carrying any guilt and my frequency can go higher again.

Thank you for reading my friends
take care