Ready to take back my life!

And, I would appreciate your suggestions on how I go about that. The pain has overstayed its welcome!

I’ve been lurking on this site for a while now. I’m in the same boat as y’all. I have this crazy a** connection I can’t quite get my head around. I’m not so big on labels, but this thing has had me reeling for 3 years, 3 months and 20 days! Give or take an hour or two…

We’ve never truly separated, but we’ve never really had an exclusive relationship, either. Yes, we have been intimate many times. It’s completely off the charts. We met via online dating so we were both looking for a relationship. We find each other and its crazy love at first sight. And, it is definitely not one-sided. It’s very mutual. It’s still very intense, yet he still keeps his distance. We have both acknowledged, and discussed at length, it’s a “soul connection”, yet he remains at arm’s length. I don’t get it, but I’m done waiting! I’m not willing to put my life on hold. Just last month, I turned 52. At least I know I’m not crazy, right?!?

I know I need to work on me, but riddle me this…how do you truly let go? I meditate. I get the Law of Attraction thing. I’ve actually been somewhat successful at manifesting silly stuff. I’m somewhat in tuned…chakras are open, but yet, this man occupies my mind 24x7x365. As I mentioned, the pain has overstayed its welcome.

I know I need to let go and surrender. How does one actually DO that? Please don’t tell me to pray. That’s how I meditate. I don’t get why I can’t get my head around this and let go. I know that screams EGO...how do I change that? How does one kill the ego?

well if it is indeed a twinflame connection there is no letting go... u just have to give in to it(so does he) or there will be MORE pain... as for killing the ego, i dont think thats possible... better to put ur ego in its place(look at it this way, when facing decisions, always listen to ur ego, but let ur heart have the final say)... u say ur 52, u doubled me, im 26...

Originally Posted by PrimeTime

And, I would appreciate your suggestions on how I go about that. The pain has overstayed its welcome!

I’ve been lurking on this site for a while now. I’m in the same boat as y’all. I have this crazy a** connection I can’t quite get my head around. I’m not so big on labels, but this thing has had me reeling for 3 years, 3 months and 20 days! Give or take an hour or two…

We’ve never truly separated, but we’ve never really had an exclusive relationship, either. Yes, we have been intimate many times. It’s completely off the charts. We met via online dating so we were both looking for a relationship. We find each other and its crazy love at first sight. And, it is definitely not one-sided. It’s very mutual. It’s still very intense, yet he still keeps his distance. We have both acknowledged, and discussed at length, it’s a “soul connection”, yet he remains at arm’s length. I don’t get it, but I’m done waiting! I’m not willing to put my life on hold. Just last month, I turned 52. At least I know I’m not crazy, right?!?

I know I need to work on me, but riddle me this…how do you truly let go? I meditate. I get the Law of Attraction thing. I’ve actually been somewhat successful at manifesting silly stuff. I’m somewhat in tuned…chakras are open, but yet, this man occupies my mind 24x7x365. As I mentioned, the pain has overstayed its welcome.

I know I need to let go and surrender. How does one actually DO that? Please don’t tell me to pray. That’s how I meditate. I don’t get why I can’t get my head around this and let go. I know that screams EGO...how do I change that? How does one kill the ego?

1) What do you mean by he keeps his distance?
2) What do you want from him? He doesn't seem to be running if there is never really a separation.

I agree with Mig, if it is a TF connection there is no letting go. On the other hand that doesn't mean waiting around for him either. Perhaps u need to focus on love in other ways- non romantic, friends family and yourself.

You can try to date other people, that might help clarify if he is your twin or a sc If he is your twin you will find little satisfaction in other relationships, you will have him stuck in your head no matter how long you stay away.

Thanks for your replies. I have found this site to be informative, helpful, and at times, somewhat humorous. 

Originally Posted by mig

always listen to ur ego, but let ur heart have the final say)...

I feel like my heart is keeping me stuck here. My heart wants what my mind knows it can’t have. That’s where the pain comes in for me.

Originally Posted by Lightworker42

1) What do you mean by he keeps his distance? 2) What do you want from him? He doesn't seem to be running if there is never really a separation.

By distance, I mean we talk and he talks about us being together and doing things together. It’s like he almost sees us as a couple in the future, but we rarely spend any time together physically. We only live about 15 miles apart. I have not seen him since sometime in January.
We may not be separated in the conventional sense, but he’s definitely running in the emotional sense and I’m definitely chasing in the emotional sense. For me, I think it would be easier if we completely severed the 3d connection. I doubt severing the spiritual connection is possible. I try to set boundaries, but I can’t adhere to them myself so I certainly can’t expect him to respect them. It’s quite the dance we’ve got going on.

Originally Posted by belle5

I agree with Mig, if it is a TF connection there is no letting go. On the other hand that doesn't mean waiting around for him either. Perhaps u need to focus on love in other ways- non romantic, friends family and yourself. You can try to date other people, that might help clarify if he is your twin or a sc If he is your twin you will find little satisfaction in other relationships, you will have him stuck in your head no matter how long you stay away.

I do need to focus on friends and family more. I have been somewhat withdrawn the last couple of years. I have been trying to work on myself, but perhaps it time I get out of my head and focus on others more.
As for dating others, yeah…been there done that! I’ve even managed to break a few hearts along the way too. And, that doesn’t help me feel any better about myself. He knows when I start to get close with someone else and he chases. On several occasions he came back, told me he loved me and wanted a relationship. He acknowledges our souls are connected and there’s purpose. I end what I had started with someone else and then he runs again. The soul shock starts all over. With each episode, I seem to sink deeper. The energy and vibrations have been off the charts since his last flea in January.
I believe if I could get my head to surrender, I know I would feel better. How does a person accept the fact that your soul will always be betrothed to another? I have been married twice, but I have never loved like this before. And, I know I could never settle for anything less now either. That sucks because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. Sometimes I wonder if this is my karma. Was I that bad of a person and this is my penance?
I’m going on vacation this week. I hope a week on the beach soaking up the sun will help calm this tattered soul some. Thanks for letting me vent. I actually feel a tiny bit better just putting some of this pain out there. Maybe my subconscious needs to read it too!
Blessings to all!

Originally Posted by PrimeTime

Thanks for your replies. I have found this site to be informative, helpful, and at times, somewhat humorous. 

I feel like my heart is keeping me stuck here. My heart wants what my mind knows it can’t have. That’s where the pain comes in for me.

By distance, I mean we talk and he talks about us being together and doing things together. It’s like he almost sees us as a couple in the future, but we rarely spend any time together physically. We only live about 15 miles apart. I have not seen him since sometime in January.
We may not be separated in the conventional sense, but he’s definitely running in the emotional sense and I’m definitely chasing in the emotional sense. For me, I think it would be easier if we completely severed the 3d connection. I doubt severing the spiritual connection is possible. I try to set boundaries, but I can’t adhere to them myself so I certainly can’t expect him to respect them. It’s quite the dance we’ve got going on.

I do need to focus on friends and family more. I have been somewhat withdrawn the last couple of years. I have been trying to work on myself, but perhaps it time I get out of my head and focus on others more.
As for dating others, yeah…been there done that! I’ve even managed to break a few hearts along the way too. And, that doesn’t help me feel any better about myself. He knows when I start to get close with someone else and he chases. On several occasions he came back, told me he loved me and wanted a relationship. He acknowledges our souls are connected and there’s purpose. I end what I had started with someone else and then he runs again. The soul shock starts all over. With each episode, I seem to sink deeper. The energy and vibrations have been off the charts since his last flea in January.
I believe if I could get my head to surrender, I know I would feel better. How does a person accept the fact that your soul will always be betrothed to another? I have been married twice, but I have never loved like this before. And, I know I could never settle for anything less now either. That sucks because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. Sometimes I wonder if this is my karma. Was I that bad of a person and this is my penance?
I’m going on vacation this week. I hope a week on the beach soaking up the sun will help calm this tattered soul some. Thanks for letting me vent. I actually feel a tiny bit better just putting some of this pain out there. Maybe my subconscious needs to read it too!
Blessings to all!

Do you think any of us could just get to a point where we can just relax and accept the connection? Can we just enjoy it without any expectations of a future?

[Metropolis]

Originally Posted by Lightworker42

Do you think any of us could just get to a point where we can just relax and accept the connection? Can we just enjoy it without any expectations of a future?

I know this question was meant for PrimeTime, so I hope you don't mind me saying something about it, just based on my own experience over the last few months or so.

Yes, I think so. I think when we accept it for what it is, when we truly have no expectations, when we are absolutely resigned to the fact that, if it is to be...then it will be, when we stop waiting and hoping for something that we don't have... well, then 'something' happens. I don't exactly know what that 'something' is; if I did I'd gladly bottle it and share it around!

I suppose essentially its just about acceptance of all the above. Accepting that you have some kind of 'thing'... connection... affinity... gravitational or magnetic resonance ...whatever you chose to call it, with another human being and allowing it to be what it is in the here and now.

I also think there is something in believing that you as an individual, are more important than any connection you may have. I think its easy to get into a state of codependency when you make it, the connection, bigger than either you as an individual, or bigger than the other person.

I'm not saying I don't still have off days and I'm not saying it will go away - for me it hasn't gone anywhere - still not an hour goes by without a thought of the one I feel the connection with. But it feels easier now.

As I said, just my own personal experience which seems to have somehow worked. I'm pretty much a pragmatic, 'just get on with it' self-reliant type, and I do appreciate that what works for me may not be everyones bag of cookies.

Ahhh, the question I keep asking myself. Can we just accept and be ok without expectations?? Let me know if you figure this one out!! I am guessing that is true and real love. To love with no expectation if how it will affect you.

For now I am patient, and I know that regardless of what happens in this lifetime we will go home together.

For a while I felt lonely, but then I realized that the love I feel for TF is like the sum of all the love I feel for everyone else in my life. It's as if the love I feel for my child, the love for my parents, my friends, the love I have for the universe and all it's creations and the love I have for myself collided in a giant supernova.
Now I focus on each of those loves, and truly the sum of its parts are equally as wonderous.

[CrystalSong]

Healing began when that moment was reached of being absolutely fed up to the ninth degree with mentally obsessing about him 24/7/365 while nothing improved or changed between us and in fact seemed to get worse and more confusing.

Once day the love sick puppy syndrome and constant energy connection and etheric awareness of him and accompanying loss of minutes of the day through constantly thinking of him just made me want to vomit in self loathing as having so little control of self and mind.

Once the decision was made to take control of my mind and energy back again and to totally halt my behavior internally and set off on a new track it happened. The internal manifested into external reality.

I still think of him, every week or so, what a blessed change that is and it will decrease more and more as I heal more and move more into alignment with Spirit.
Once I lived and breathed for him - now it's because life it's self, independent of anyone else, is worth living!

I find that completely focusing on clearing (I dedicate at least an hour and a half to reading off a set of invocations to invoke healing light and meditation) is helping me alot. Even though it's very hard to integrate this truth in the 3D world---there is absolutely no way you can be separated from your TF [i.e. --- yourself]! These connections inspire and challenge one to do everything in their power to connect with Source and transcend duality.

You know that biblical saying --- "Seek first the Kingdom of God, then all shall be added unto you." And of course, "The Kingdom of God is within you."

It is that "dweller on the threshold" --- the negative ego that strives to pull you into duality, loneliness and drama. Don't listen to it!