He told me we girls tend to fall in love with guys we don't even know ;)

Originally Posted by Nada

Aspies are actually very expressive of their own perceptions/feelings. Infact, they are hyper sensitive to their own feelings and hyper exaggerated to anything related to themselves (although their perceptions are false and not reality due to the dysfunctioning frontal cortex of their brains).

Nada, you are a _____. Clearly, it's because you're a woman. To support my argument, I will find many other guys that also think women are _____, and then tell everyone I'm right.

The above was for illustrative purposes; to show you how your arguments look to me rather than to say who you are. (which is why I didn't fill in the blank...)

This is what you're doing to Aspies. You've had a bad experience. You're reading a bunch of stuff from people trying to understand Aspies that don't understand them, so that you can make them look like jerks. And that way you can relieve yourself of any responsibility from your poor relationship.

You claim "dysfunction", and I don't see it. I see "functions differently than you". Seeing someone that's different than you as "wrong" seems to be where a lot of hate and war in our world originate.

Originally Posted by Nada

However, they are absolutely un-empathetic to everyone else's feelings and perceptions.

No.

Originally Posted by Nada

Plus due to the lack of executive function, they have major problem with impulse control.

Lack of executive function? So, we're effectively zombies, huh? I guess that's an easy way to pile hate on an entire group, sure...

I don't know you Nada, but you're hating on me and a bunch of people I know and care about because of someone you don't like. Anyone can be a jerk, Aspie or not.

Just because you knew one that didn't show you his empathy or executive function doesn't mean he doesn't have it, and certainly doesn't mean that all Aspies don't have it.

Originally Posted by Geezzy.G

Are we confusing To feel with the EXPRESSION thereof?
It just may be the method of expressing whatever IS felt that is of issue here. Suppose when being told he is loved or adored, instead of getting doey-eyed and mushy, what if he remained stoic and detached/unfazed yet inside the fireworks were going off? He is still feeling things, just not showing them in a way that is easily perceived traditionally.

Another poster commented a page or two back on how in our present social climate, it's not safe for guys to show emotions (other than anger) for fear of being labeled as something we're NOT, called "sensitive" and a host of other things that aren't fun to deal with. In western society, to be casually aloof, not revealing any inner-feelings is the norm. I hate that about the times we're in, but that's popular culture for you.

Thank you for this.

[twinkle]

I do not know if we can write website links so I will copy and paste what is on a forum called psychforums about people with asperger's syndrome.

Posted Question:

It is a commonly known fact for all mental health professionals that persons with Aspergers Syndrome have a lack of empathy, would you agree with this? Do you feel other peoples pain, and understand it?

Answers:

Cognitive empathy, yes.

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I can only understand my own pain. When my wife bumps into something I feel no sympathy and think to myself, "You should have been watching where you were going; it's not that hard." I rarely ever bump into anything because I'm always paying attention to my surroundings. When someone else does I feel no empathy for their pain.

That's just an example. I feel very little "connection" to people either. Not even to my own parents. If it weren't for my parents calling me to "catch up" (whatever the hell that means) I wouldn't even try to communicate with them.

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If someone hurts himself, or lose a relative, or an earthquake destroy his house, I have no shared feelings, do not feel bad.

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In my experience as an aspie, if I actually get the message somehow that a person feels bad about something, then I can be empathetic. But the problem is not so much the lack of empathy but the recognition in the first place that empathy is called for.

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I think it varies, and it's true. When i first heard about 9/11, i didn't feel anything about the deaths of the people i didn't know, and i still don't. i don't understand the shock that took place across the country afterwards.

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I can spot emotions of others, though I am unable to give them the same importance/weight as other people do. It might look like I am cruel and dont care about the feelings of others. But I do care, though I dont think feelings are so important. I have problems with "respecting" feelings of other in many other situations aswell, but its probably, because I have really negative attitude towards most people. @ about 9/11
For me its just another silly game of humans, repeated same mistake over and over in the books of history. I have no pitty for people that dont learn from their own mistakes, natural selection anyone?

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i don't feel a direct sense of grief or loss for them either. i don't know them. the damage was localized. this may sound selfish, but i knew i wasn't in danger.

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I'm on the spot talking to him/her, I can't understand what's wrong and therefore I don't say anything right. Even, if I understand, I have no idea what I should say about it.

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I have empathy, I just have to make a conscious effort to use it. My logical thinking usually takes priority over my emotions.

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I have way more empathy for animals than for humans.

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I get bored with conversations really easily and have trouble connecting with most people. This may be a lack of empathy of some sort.

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Empathy is supposed to be the ability to "feel" another person's pain.
I can't.
Then I guess I do lack empathy.
I can't "feel" another person's emotions, because I feel dissociated from other people and can't "connect" to them.

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Autists and Aspies are generally self-centered, empathically-speaking.

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In terms of emotional empathy I have none. I've lost family members, and when I see people in my family crying at the loss of loved one, I'm thinking "why cry? People are meant to die." I knew someone who's sister was murdered, and he was clearly upset, but I felt no emotion towards his loss or for her. I am thankful I can keep my mouth closed because I'm sure in some situations I'd have landed myself in trouble had I said what I thought. I've been called sadistic by lots of family members but it's just me.

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This disconnect may even seem to be schizophrenic in nature.

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i can't say i can truly empathize with a mother who has lost her child, because i don't think it's something who's not a parent can understand.

Those on the Aspie sites seem to be more aware of their conditions and accept their diagnosis. They are probably more higher functioning emotionally than most other Aspies.

They are there to figure out what they can learn from each other to improve their behaviors.
Most Aspies do not follow these positive steps.

Instead, they often blame others for diagnosing and identifying their dysfunctions that are actually detrimental to their lives.
My husband is one of them.

Even he was in therapies for almost a year and I even had him to attend an Aspie support group for Aspies, he does not want to acknowledge any of his life long negative presentations due to his abnormal brain function.
He rather just take medications to control his anger and depression only.
But he does not want to make any other behavior changes.

Hence the reason why I was advised by the therapies to leave the marriage. And it is the same reason why I came to the same conclusion.

Here is a good medical info about Asperger syndrome at US National Institute of Health (this is the US national research database depository for medical and health related researches. Those of us in the healthcare field search this web site for pertinent information related to our professions).

The section about what cause Asperger is interesting and that is the area where most researches are focused now. Since this disability is neurological (actual abnormal developmental of the brain), the research focus is on identifying genes and changing the brain function from the neurological stand.
They already identified abnormal specific protein level for the Aspies. So, with further studies, we may able to come up with medication or neurological treatment for this genetic disability.

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/a...l_asperger.htm

Originally Posted by Klairic

Nada, you are a _____. Clearly, it's because you're a woman. To support my argument, I will find many other guys that also think women are _____, and then tell everyone I'm right.

The above was for illustrative purposes; to show you how your arguments look to me rather than to say who you are. (which is why I didn't fill in the blank...)

Klairic,
Being a woman is not a neurological disability (same as you being a man) so your illustration does not make any sense to me.
Anyway, this does not matter.

I am sorry that you are suffering from Asperger syndrome. I know that this condition is genetic and it has nothing to do with what you did.
You did not inflict this condition on yourself.
Just like any other developmental disabilities based on genetic factors, it is very unfair condition for anyone who is suffering it.
I feel nothing but compassion for those with Asperger syndromes.

I know that you want me to not talk about its presentations.
However, by having this open and honest conversation about it, we actually bring more awareness and understanding to others.
It can help others (both undiagnosed Aspies and neurotypical people) in their relationships and their lives.

There is a good book written by an Asperger man that was highly recommended to those with the same syndrome.
Here is the author's web site.
http://www.davidfinchwriter.com/

The issue is not that you have the condition. The issue is how you decide to make it work in your life among others.
Accepting the condition with all its negatives is the only way, although it may not be comfortable to acknowledge them.
If you do not acknowledge the issues, you can not work on them because you do not know what to work on.
You may not know what the negative presentations are since you are thinking differently than others.
Professional counselors and those who love you can help you with identifying some of your conditions that are negative impacting your life.

You are going to be OK and will do well.
Why?
Because you are admitting that you have Asperger Syndrome. This is the major positive step.
Some day, there may be a medication for the condition or other treatment options. - Since it is an actual neurological condition with physiology.

Some people (aspie or not) are just not aware enough to know if the emotions they get flooded with are actually theirs or someone else's. Men can be coldly logical sometimes, but that doesn't make us mentally dis-ordered. Women may beg to differ. We men see many women crying over aspects of a thing, that has nothing to do with the actual problem itself. Sure, we look at you and think you're crazy, but not in a "Handbook of Clinical Psychological Disorders" kind of way. It's all perspective.

I thought this original post was about a girl that liked a guy? (ain't it beautiful!)
The whole aspie part was something she only mentioned flippantly, in passing. How did Asperger's talk take over her whole thread???

Originally Posted by Geezzy.G

I thought this original post was about a girl that liked a guy? (ain't it beautiful!)
The whole aspie part was something she only mentioned flippantly, in passing. How did Asperger's talk take over her whole thread???

Because his self description and her observations clearly indicate the typical Aspie presentations.
This is a neurological disability that significantly affects any relationship.

When you want to get to know a person with any kind of disabilities, you can not ignore the factors that influences and impact the relationship and the person.

If you want to date a blind person, you need to know that there are certain considerations that you need to think about in a relationship.
You have to consider the fact that a blind person may not enjoy an action movie where there are not much dialogues. - but all visual effects.
So, you have to take the person to a music concert instead where both of you can enjoy the date.
You probably do not want to take the blind person on a mountain bike ride or an alpine skiing trip.

It is same when you are dating a person with a neurological disability. You have to know what the differences are and know if those differences can be compatible with you.

Hahaha!!!
I am terribly sorry, but the part about taking a blind person skiing was too much. That would just be cruel. My laughter is juvenile and I apologize.

But CLEARLY? I don't know about that. I believe the debate team is still hunkered-down around the buffet table on that one. None of us are really experts here. I've had several, several friends that were addicted to heroin at one point and time(some died from it, tragically), but that doesn't make me an authority to saw that anyone frequently nodding out is automatically a user. For all I know, they could be narcoleptic, and albeit far less sensational - just TIRED. In America particularly, when people don't fit pre-packaged patterns of behavior we are waaay too quick to assume something is wrong with them. We're all different and react to things different-ly. That's basically the jist of what I've been trying to get across.

We're still cool, right? ::

Nada,

It's not that long ago that having female parts would have been considered a reason for any problems you have.

I don't "suffer" from Aspergers. I'm at the point where I've overcome the "negative", and there are a lot of really positive things about this.

There's good reason why mental health professionals think things like how Aspies are un-empathetic. It's the ones having problems with their lives that seek help. Those of us that didn't have major problems don't get the same level of attention, thus the sample of people being diagnosed is severely skewed. Also, with all of the negative stereotypes about Aspies, healthy ones generally don't want to identify themselves as such. I chose to "come out" to help dispel negative stereotypes. It would've been easier if I was gay, as at least that's accepted now.

I'm offended that you think I need help, and need medication to be cured of something.

Just as there are "negatives" to Aspergers, there are many that go with being "neuro-typical". Are you aware of yours?

One is not better than the other. I don't want to be neuro-typical. I'm quite ok with the way that I am. Any suggestion to the contrary is likely coming from fear, ignorance, and a weird sense of superiority.

This all started with the idea that "all Aspies are like _____". Sure, you can make generalizations. You can say we are more likely to be a certain way. But to say that all of us are a certain way, and that you then hate on us for it... that got me to say something.

I am an exception to your rules about who an Aspie is, and if I am one, then there can be others.

As far as how this applies to the OP, consider the guy as a person. Don't put him in a box. Start from a place of what it means to have Aspergers, and then see how much of it applies to him. Look for where he's breaking out of that box, and encourage him to be himself.

[twinkle]

What do most men know? They know not to tell a woman she looks fat in an outfit. But, this guy the OP wrote about told her that she looked chubby. It is a deviation from the norm so that is how the apsie focus came about.

[Kiran]

Originally Posted by Geezzy.G

I thought this original post was about a girl that liked a guy? (ain't it beautiful!)
The whole aspie part was something she only mentioned flippantly, in passing. How did Asperger's talk take over her whole thread???

That's exactly why I stayed out of this discussion for so long