Hi everyone,
I'm new here and I guess I'm really looking for like minded souls who can help me make sense of whats been happening to me over the last few months. I'll try keep this as brief as I can without being too long. I'd just like to say that knowing there is somewhere like this I can come to is a real relief, and I'm thankful to anyone who can offer any kind of input.
Basically, around October time a spiritual awakening occurred for me.I was already deeply spiritual but I felt I shifted up a level. Things were building and changing but softly until on Christmas night I had a bit of a melt down. Suddenly it was as if my solar plexus had burst open and I remembered how much I loved my ex. This was a freaky revelation to me as he had done some real bad things, we split up and as a result I had to use the police to keep him from harassing me for the last two years (we were together for 7). Our separation was the worst pain I've ever experienced and as a result I had to cut him off to keep myself together. It never healed though. *Note he never did anything physically harmful - he just had issues.
On boxing day I was still in bits and the ache in my solar plexus was so physically painful and overwhelming I spent most of the day in bed crying over him. (I had pretty much never thought I'd break breath to him again, I really was so finished so to realize how much I loved him was so emotional and painful). Despite all odds, how afraid I was of him and everything that happened I messaged him for the first time in over two yeasr and arranged to meet him in the middle of the night on the 27th Dec. I couldn't wait any longer I felt I might burst, and I still to this day can't actually explain why I messaged him then. I had never wanted contact with him that whole time. He had totally changed. We talked and cried for hours, explaining and apologizing and the next day the pain I had carried over our separation and all of the hurt was completely gone. It had been there for two years, I couldn't believe it! I told him I wasn't coming back and that I just wanted us to heal the rift between us.
Meeting him did something to me. It supercharged this awakening and everything went haywire from then on. I've remembered past lives, boosted abilities, had visions and spoken to guides and had amazing healing experiences (done by myself, I'm an energy healer). However, in short, the visions I've had have shown me something within him. The part I always loved but couldn't understand why he felt like a different person. The part I loved always seemed to be shining in there covered by all this other negative stuff that I couldn't relate to. It was always light against dark with him but the two never seemed to marry and I could never understand it. He's not a bad person.
Its real hard to explain but I was basically shown that my twin soul flame is in there, inside of him. As if they have been braided together for some time. I was shown that my twin has been asleep within him in a sense and that on his 30th birthday he would awaken and that we would do all sorts of things together. Things I had always assumed were my own path to follow in a career of healing, but now it all seems so clear that he is part of it and will accompany me. I could sense my twin so clearly and have been able to talk and he has explained a lot of this. I have seen my face reflected in his, but also my ex's face is the same as his, but I know that they are two different people? How can that make sense. My twin is also often represented by a native indian which is much easier to recognize and make sense of. Some of the visions and experiences with my twin have brought up emotion I never thought I could feel and now I feel sure that if I can't have him in my life, no one else will ever do.
I do feel him around sometimes. Especially if I'm upset with my ex or we are discussing something sad between us. I can feel tingly but firm energy touch me, comforting me and i've honestly even seen my arm hairs move. Something is defo there!!
I've never felt more sure of anything- especially in my twin's presence spiritually. But I'm really struggling to marry my intuition and my intellect. I do a lot of healing work on others and my intuition is usually spot on so I have no reason to doubt it, but how can I possibly believe in this? I feel like I am going mad - I truly expect it to happen, and I'm just here waiting.
His 30th birthday has come and gone but I see no changes. When I asked my twin he explained that it would take some time for my ex to fully leave and that he would hang around close for some time while my twin fully exchanges into his body. So I guess I just have to be patient.
However the other strange, and somewhat undeniable thing is that I recognized that this was all occurring in sync with the grand cardinal cross. I'm totally freaked that the dates match. (October it began, 27th Dec we met, 23rd April the cross was complete - which is my exes 30th birthday -also the cross represents transformation and shedding of skin like a snake and I cant help but feel sure that it relates to him and this walk-in experience that I am expecting for him.
I guess I just had to get this out somehow. I need guidance, clarity. I don't know. I guess I know the answers and they seem so clear and sure, but how it can possibly happen I just don't understand. Part of me still fears I'm mad. But it makes too much sense.
Does anyone have any thoughts, opinions, or even answers to any of this. Any tiny contribution you can make would really help, even just to feel I'm sharing it outside of myself helps.
With deep appreciation,
Indigowolf xxx