Everything has changed...!

[ForeverRestless]

Oh boy.

It's been about a week since my crazy conversation with my TF, so I've just been trying to process it. The weird thing is I know now what I have to do, and that this is entirely my journey, and that it's all about following the flow of my life not knowing the outcome, not trying to control anything, surrendering to the universe's timeline, knowing that the divine plan has been laid out for me and I have no right and no recourse to try to alter anything. So right now I'm working on me and that's the most important thing. But I also remember how I felt two years ago when I signed up for this forum. I remember how lost and anxious I was. I remember crying all day every day. I remember thinking I would never recover or be with another man, etc. But I started a long journey to do the work (and I've been doing the work), and here I am. I need to share this with you here in the forum because I've learned what works and what doesn't.

In the nearly three years since my TF and I separated, I've struggled so much with something that is private to my friends and family in the real world. Something they will never understand. Something that I can only talk about with fellow TFs. For two years I had not a single incident of contact with my TF and I had many (3D) reasons to believe he had entirely moved on, had never cared like I had, had used me for sex, that I was only fooling myself, etc. I don't want to give false hope to the hopeless, and I don't want to encourage codependency, infatuation or limerance, but I do think when you have found your Twin Flame, you really just KNOW. I could never let him go, in this unique way I'd never experienced before. It's something very hard to explain unless you have a Twin. I wanted him to be entirely free. I loved him unconditionally. My connection to him was never an unhealthy attachment, and yet, I could not let go. My love endured. This is something that you feel deep in your soul if you are a TF and even if you have two years of silence and everyone around you is telling you that this is very sad and you are a fool, somehow you know you cannot listen to them. You see TF in dreams, you feel him at all times, you start to see signs.

It took me years to start to decipher the signs and numbers, to understand what they meant for me. I stress that this is entirely a personal experience. Figuring out this TF stuff is not for the faint of heart, and it won't happen without doing the work. Nothing is automatic, it's really super freaking hard to accomplish, it's painful, and you have to have patience, because the resolution of the situation could take decades, or never even be resolved in this life. You have to get to the point where you realize this and accept this. Where you know you have no control. When you just know that the love and connection is there but beyond that, you have no influence. You just have to work on you. It took so long for me to get to this headspace but now that I'm here, everything is coming together.

God, how do I even get down on paper what I'm feeling? I can't. If you're a TF, you know what the journey is like. How hard it is to get to surrender. The things that start to shift once you do.

I go back and read letters on my computer that I wrote to send TF. Of course I never actually intended to send them. But the place I was in one year ago (two years after TF left) was so different than where I am now. It's crazy how much more balanced I am now, how much anger I have purged. How I have finally learned how to let my heart to become a sea of love, and my mind a river of detachment, as Sri Chinmoy says. It's no coincidence that in this past year, I've barely posted on the forum. When you finally figure out your path, you stop obsessing over it and just follow it. That's when the magic starts to happen.

All the experienced TFs on this forum told me that when I learned to put myself above others (including my TF), fully learned to love myself, detach from outcome, and actually start to move on, the situation would change. That you still love your TF, but you learn to manage it. It's underneath the surface but it doesn't derail every day of your life. That happened too. It was only after I did two years of inner work that I was able to start to get to that place, and only when I was in that place did my situation begin to change.

Here's the thing: I had to move on. I got a new boyfriend. We've been together almost a year. I gradually began to accept my new life. I live in a different headspace now. Life is less 5D, but at least it is meeting me where I am. My boyfriend is giving to me the things I deserve, the things TF couldn't. I finally figured out that this is the most important thing: loving yourself enough to know what you deserve, and not allowing your love for TF to make you feel rejected or less than yourself. To not sacrifice your values for a person who is himself in need of great healing. At some point you learn to let go of the dream of what could have been, and just focus on what is. The present. How to be happy.

My journey is long to find some way to create the same feelings in my life, for me, that I felt when I was around my Twin. That impossible, heavenly high. It's not in him so much as it is in me. It's up to me.

Eventually I figured out what the numbers meant. All of them are important, but 3333 and 1111 carry the strongest message. I finally figured out the meaning (for me). 33s? THIS IS YOUR PATH! YES! KEEP FOLLOWING IT! TRUST US! 11s? The door to connection with your Twin (yes, I think this number is almost always about Twins) is open. This is the only time when you should communicate with your twin or expect to hear from him. Your head also has to be in the right space. You have to be totally grounded. Other signs will confirm what you need to know. After the numbers start rolling in, the 1111s, then other signs pop up that reveal the path. Usually a memory, or an inside joke only the two of you would understand. It's a clear-cut opportunity to share. You'll know when it's time. Don't force it before it's time. Something deep inside of you will feel pain and resistance if you talk to your Twin when the time is wrong, so DON'T DO IT.

Also, and this is very important: honesty. The more honest and forthright you are about the situation, the more the energy between you and your twin can flow. But it's important to have honesty that comes from your heart and soul and not from your ego. These are two different things. Writing an angry letter to tell your twin why they hurt you comes from your ego. It's not the right kind of honesty. The right kind of honesty is living your truth and vulnerability. Talking about things in a real way, but a grounded way. You can love someone and be up front about that love without feeling out of control about it. You can share your love without fear of rejection, knowing that no one else can reject you; you can only reject yourself. When your heart really becomes a sea of love and your mind a river of detachment, you will know. You will know because you can talk to your Twin with a spirit of love, stand in your own truth, and also know that you are not placing any of your happiness on what they feel, what they want, what they do, what they admit, etc. Your truth is your truth, not theirs. But the more you live in your soul truth, the more you give them permission to reveal their own soul truth. To feel free again, like they did with you once, way back then. You have to have this detachment because their journey is not yours, and may be on an entirely different timeline. You cannot expect them to step up and offer you anything in particular. Because they may not be able. Maybe not yet, maybe not ever. You have to understand and accept this and let that be enough. But when you are able to detach from outcome, and you genuinely have that in your energy, your twin will feel safe opening up to you and finally being real... to a degree. I know because that's what happened to me.

So much has happened, but in a way my journey is just beginning. I expect this could take decades, if not my entire life. But a life on earth is just one blip in the journey of the soul, and it is not the end. When you strip away your human concept of time and your attachment to it, only then can you be free to fulfill your destiny on this earth. You really cannot "wait" on your twin. If you come to a big turning point in your TF journey in three years, that same turning point could take your Twin 30 years. You just have to be OK with this. You cannot "wait" for them. You have to live your life. In my case, it means a new relationship. Part of my journey toward healing is learning not to compare what I feel for my boyfriend with what I felt for my Twin. Coming to terms with their being no comparison, but accepting my life in the present tense, for what it is. And also learning that feeling profound love but not getting what you need is not worth it. That perhaps getting what you need, but not feeling profound TF love, is good enough. After all, you can feel universal love for everyone and everything, including your new partner. And aren't we lucky to say in our lives that we had both? To have experienced divine TF love even for just a week or so, and then learn to love ourselves divinely, only to come out with a partner who loves us in the way our worth demands. Don't compromise yourself for a perfect love with an unhealed partner, like our TFs so often are. Once you realize that the healing happens on your journey outside of your TF, you will start to understand. Everything comes together to make the whole. And once you've learned all your lessons properly (which can only come after you stop clinging), maybe every road will lead back to your Twin again.

Anyway, I hope my musings made at least some sense. I will be back soon to talk to you about my recent conversations with Twin and everything he admitted to me. I don't think he knows what Twin Flames are, but he understands that we are Twins. He experienced everything I did. It wasn't one-sided. This connection is real, and we'll probably both spend the rest of our lives trying to make sense of that. Hang in there, fellow twins. We are all in this together.

[ByChance]

Hello, I am new here. Please, forgive my English.
I wanted to share with you that I can relate with what you said completely. You put in words what I feel. It took me 13 years to reach the point in which you are. I had my heart chakra opened only few months ago before I reconnected with him. The energy emanating from my chakra is just beyond words. I never knew chackas could opened. And only months ago I started the process of detachment and allowing my TF to be completely free. It is a process, it is like a path. Finally I found a path after I got to the conclusion the same as you did, that letting them free, we are helping them to heal, helping them to be who they truly are. And I feel the energy conected between him and me and the more I stand in my truth and my feet and the more secure and madure I become, the more grounded he becomes. I feel him growing strong. It is a feeling, a sensation.

I had a few days wandering if someone could relate to this and I am glad you posted this. I do feel the love you put in your words and your wisdom. I can feel your state of mind. It is a feeling of freedom and love.
I am experiencing this as a back and forth process. One minute I feel peace, the next time I cry because we are not together, the next time I release the need to control the outcome and then I set him free again. From what I am experiencing at this stage, I feel as if the universe is in charge of everything, as if it is already writen. The more I let go, the more I feel the flow of life in me. The life experiencing itself through me. I do truly believe now that there are forces beyond ourselves. I guess this is what others call surrendering. Maybe. It could be that I will know it only years or decades later. But time in this doesn't count. We have the eternity, we are the eternity.

I completely agree with you in that we most not accept to be in a bad relationship with our TF, TS, SC or what ever we want to called it. I was the one who cut the communication between us for 9 years after one episode in which he behaved unpolite. I reconnected with him after I forgave him and he aknowledged to me his bad behaviour in that ocassion. I felt he have grown. And it was amazing because it was as if we had talked the last time just yesterday, as if 9 years never passed, as if we were in some kind of parallel reality when we talked.

There is so much to learn and to see. To learn to trust in oneself and in them, in life and in the universe. To learn how to love another person accepting them the way they are. To believe in oneself and know we are powelful beings. To relate to others without being clingy or needy, to stand in our true power. To love or give without expectations but setting healthy boundaries. To stop codependency in our relationships. To know we are worth of love and be treated in a kind and good manner. To detach from the outcome. To know that they have their own time line to grow and heal. To know that the answers, strenght, the knowledge is within ourselves. We don't need validation from any thing outside ourselves. Everything is within because we are the universe.

I am so glad you explained yourself that well. You helped me understand this even more. Thank you! I see your words as a sign, as a synchronization. The universe is telling me through you that in healing and growing I am helping him too. I used to be that needy, that clingy. But 13 years has helped me to become stronger. And every single day I grow even more. There is so much inner work to do. It can take me years to be who I really am.

Is he my TF? I don't know. I only know there is a deep connection, that I love him deeply and that he does too. I only wish for him to be happy. And I know that he has impacted my life in such a way that I have become a better version of myself and I am walking the path to become my true self someday.

There is so much to say. Though I do not have much time to post here.
Namasté.

[ForeverRestless]

Thank you so much, ByChance!

I feel so much in your reply. It's like you said the words I did not have. I feel very connected to you and your journey right now and I feel we are experiencing the same thing for sure. It is sad that only our souls and our guides know what is going on and our 3D selves, the human shell, is so blind as we try to figure things out. We have to admit we are helpless and know nothing, allow ourselves to be guided. I do love my twin's soul but sometimes I am frustrated by where he is as a human. I get mad he cannot see what is in front of him, cannot allow himself to feel what I know he has started to feel so many times, underneath everything. But I also know it would be pointless for him to give himself into the love now because there is so much more to be done, so much for him to accomplish, and so much more on his personal journey perhaps even than mine. I have no say. He's on his path and maybe I will marry my boyfriend. It's beautiful and OK. There should be no hope placed in a Twin reunion and if it is meant to happen, I will know. I can send my Twin love and understanding from afar but that is it. I have to let him be on his own timeline and the more I see the universe unfold according to what seems like a script I know that I am on the right path. I am grounded enough to know that the conversation I had with TF last week, while it was a confirmation that he knows we are Twins, it does not suggest more. I back away again and let the universe take the reins. This is life now. And I am happy to do it because I know it leads to a better outcome than anything I could try to control. This thing is crazy, but it is real. I am so glad to have people out there who can understand this and share the journey with me. Thank you for being there and thank you for what you said. We are in this together. We are one in the same. We have each other. Together maybe we can make a real change.

[ByChance]

Originally Posted by ForeverRestless

Thank you so much, ByChance!

I feel so much in your reply. It's like you said the words I did not have. I feel very connected to you and your journey right now and I feel we are experiencing the same thing for sure. It is sad that only our souls and our guides know what is going on and our 3D selves, the human shell, is so blind as we try to figure things out. We have to admit we are helpless and know nothing, allow ourselves to be guided. I do love my twin's soul but sometimes I am frustrated by where he is as a human. I get mad he cannot see what is in front of him, cannot allow himself to feel what I know he has started to feel so many times, underneath everything. But I also know it would be pointless for him to give himself into the love now because there is so much more to be done, so much for him to accomplish, and so much more on his personal journey perhaps even than mine. I have no say. He's on his path and maybe I will marry my boyfriend. It's beautiful and OK. There should be no hope placed in a Twin reunion and if it is meant to happen, I will know. I can send my Twin love and understanding from afar but that is it. I have to let him be on his own timeline and the more I see the universe unfold according to what seems like a script I know that I am on the right path. I am grounded enough to know that the conversation I had with TF last week, while it was a confirmation that he knows we are Twins, it does not suggest more. I back away again and let the universe take the reins. This is life now. And I am happy to do it because I know it leads to a better outcome than anything I could try to control. This thing is crazy, but it is real. I am so glad to have people out there who can understand this and share the journey with me. Thank you for being there and thank you for what you said. We are in this together. We are one in the same. We have each other. Together maybe we can make a real change.

Thank you for your reply. You sound so beautiful. I almost used the word "script", too, for describe what the universe does with us. But oh well, I do feel a deep fear in using the label TF. I just know that I found in the description about the stages of the TFs that I can relate to them in an amazing way. And I do feel I can only impact the people around me with what I am experiencing, helping them in some way with love. I do not feel I can't impact the world as they say. Somedays I question everything and then cry because I can't even see him. We live far away. But I feel the deep love, though I am not prepare to called it a divine love. Maybe in some years to come. Only time will tell.

We didn't end up together at that time because we had a lot of issues, insecurities and fear. I can see everything better now. I am feeling now as if I was kind of prepared by all the pain and growing to do this task to help him. I found everything crazy being so analytical, but because the love I feel for him I would just do it, just grow more and just stand still there, surrendering to the things as they are, so he can grow even more and heal. And at the same time I will take care of myself and share love with the others around me. For sure, we don't know nothing.

I send you light for you to follow what is there for you. In my personal case we are in different relationships and I have familiar commitments. But I feel it was meant to be this way for us to learn some lessons about pride, judgement, selfiness and forgiveness. We live in different countries, too. It would be very difficult for us to be together, but only the universe knows. So, it is weird, because I feel we will at some point, but it is almost impossible. I only know that when I spoke to him after 9 years I felt as if I knew what he would say. So strange. As it was an script!

Well, peace, love, light and wisdom for you!

[ssdm1]

This really resonates with me ForeverRestless.

For the past couple weeks I have been striving harder to be detached from any particular outcome and just allow things between he and I to just be.
For me this is learning (and teaching) a new way to love. I'm learning most people in my life see a relationship between a man and woman as all or nothing. People expect we should be in a relationship, or I should give him up completely. I ask myself why would I give him up completely. We get along well, we do love each other and have for over 30 years, but our relationship is different, deeper and I realized that a long time ago and I just allow it to flow as it will. While we were in a romantic relationship decades ago, that is not where things are today and I accept that (some days easier than others).

Having faith that things will work out as they should is very difficult for me. I want to keep that faith but I also don't want to hold onto something that may never be and this is where I'm learning to let go and let things just happen. I am doing a little better with this and I actually feel better.

I hope you post your story of your discussion with him, I'm interested to hear what happened.

[KaH29]

Beautifully said Forever. Thank you for sharing. <3<3<3