Feeling toxic and unsupported

[Renessme]

Is this how it feels to be an adult? I feel unsupported by the people surrounding me. Problem is i just feel that. I never asked for any support either. I don't feel lonely but i feel alone. So alone. Like i am surviving in this world on my own. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Career is going good, small side business picking up. But i feel i got no friends when in reality i have a few good ones. I feel toxic really. It is frustrating! Especially since I know I've got no good reason to feel this way. Some attribute it to adulting. Is this really how it is to feel adult? Fending and surviving? Feeling toxic for no apparent reason? This few good friends i have are either busy with their lives too or too far away. And when they ask to meet, something comes up that I can't enjoy their company. :( this feeling is frustrating.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Renessme

But i feel i got no friends when in reality i have a few good ones. I feel toxic really. It is frustrating! Especially since I know I've got no good reason to feel this way. Is this really how it is to feel adult? Feeling toxic for no apparent reason?

That's real self-development work right there. You are being honest with yourself. Self-honesty is the most brutal sort of spiritual work, which is why it is making you feel that way. Good for you. Yes it has to do with becoming an adult.

[Renessme]

Oh as i write this my solar plexus is flaring.

Anyway, will it go away in time? I do hope so.

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Renessme

Is this really how it is to feel adult? Fending and surviving?

After a time that transforms into relaxing and being. That's the process you're involved in right now, learning that. I would go so far as to say it is a lesson that cannot be learned without first taking account of where one currently is in their soul journey, both the good and the "needs work." And that requires brutal self-honesty. Read up on Saturn Return, that's one of the influences taking place here for you possibly.

[Renessme]

I thought i was over that already. My saturn return was brutal. It really felt like I barely got out from the gates of emotional hell which is why i am afraid i might sink into depression again with the way i am feeling right now. Though i have read that when saturn transits your 8th house, which it does now in my case, you will definitely feel isolated. I used to have tons of friends. There were even times one group will turn possessive and be jealous of another but I don't know I just find myself alone now. Feeling like a hermit not able to relate to a lot of people. Sometimes even those closest of friends i have i cant relate to them anymore.

While browsing this came on top of my youtube feeds and i guess it synchronistically tackles how i feel.
https://youtu.be/PSoTpxD_uSY

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Renessme

Sometimes even those closest of friends i have i cant relate to them anymore.

Maybe all part of this process... I went from living in a spiritual community in my 30s and 40s, surrounded by hundreds of teachers and spiritualists, to having exactly 0 friends and acquaintances. I email my sister every few months and that's it. I think it's because I already had two full lifetimes worth of socializing and talking to people in this one lifetime, is why lol.

[Renessme]

You know, i realized i dont want another life anymore. If i dieand if reincarnation is true i will decline lol

I possibly had my share of extroversion. Feeling a lot introverted lately. I dont feel like reaching out to anyone as well and yet i abhor this feeling of isolation. Like really, after all that, i would be still unsupported. C'mon universe!

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Renessme

I dont feel like reaching out to anyone as well and yet i abhor this feeling of isolation... C'mon universe!

I talked about this process on another thread this morning, Attraction VS Wanting. It involves a shift in one's consciousness state. From a "wanting" relationship with the universe, to an "already have" one. This in my experience is how we attract that which our soul needs and desires. We don't create it, we step into it. We step into that which already is. This is all part of learning relaxing and being.

[Renessme]

Ill go read that thread. :)

a few days ago i was all about letting go but today especially a few hours ago I am in a state of wanting again. I know i really need to transmute this feeling. I know i can but earlier i am gasping for help. And thank you for walking this process with me sure helped calm me. :)

[Baile]

Originally Posted by Renessme

And thank you for walking this process with me sure helped calm me. :)

Hey that's good to know that my years of life misery are paying off, hehe. Words and higher ideals are just that I know, whereas these feelings of being lost etc. are very human and quite real, and can be really difficult to live with. No illusions there.