Mirrors and dealing with it

[Sam.I.Am]

I totally understand where you’re coming from as far as discerning the situation goes. The situation itself is so indescribable and life-altering that the human mind can’t help but want to categorize it as “this” or “that.”

I too, have been in several toxic relationships with men which makes the situation that much more complicated. I only really started to open up to my soulmate about 6 months ago because I didn’t want to end up in yet another toxic relationship where I was going to get hurt.

Soulmate relationships in that regard are very funny. I think in a sense, you have to realize that at some points (or many points), that a soulmate relationship is painful. Granted, it should never be abusive and the goods should outweigh the bad, but it will have its ups and downs just like any other relationship. As the saying goes, a lotus flower can’t grow on a marble table, in order to blossom, it must grow in the mud.

For some reason, we put soulmate relationships under this analytical microscope. Maybe it is because of past hurts. Maybe it’s because we want someone to rescue us. Who knows? There could be a whole list of reasons, but why waste our energy obsessing and analyzing when we can become further connected?

Trust me though, I know where you’re coming from. I know that my soulmate is always coming from a place of deep love, but sometimes he just ****es me off! He often tells me what I need to hear, as opposed to what I want to hear, and sometimes he can be rather harsh about it.

I have a tendency to be overly-sensitive, and my self-esteem isn’t the best, so that doesn’t help. I have found that tuning in to your emotional state can be rather helpful. Like, if your soulmate says something that you were hurt by, ask yourself how you’re feeling? You’re not going to perceive the same situation in an anxious state versus if you are calm, present, and connected.

Also, realize that your emotions are temporary and fleeting. They don’t represent the situation as a whole. If you are really hurt by your partner, tell them. For me, just a simple “You hurt my feelings has gone a long way” in just creating awareness for my partner.”

I know it seems almost unfair at times. I wonder how much more open I would be with my soulmate if I hadn’t gone through such trying relationships. I feel guilty because he’s much further along in his healing journey and he definitely loves me more. I haven’t healed enough to fully accept myself or him. And, it sucks because the doubt doesn’t stop. I have wanted to ask him a thousand times why he loves me so much because sometimes I am so engrossed with fear that I can’t recriptocate that fear back.

Honestly, I think we all just have to be patient with ourselves. This is a process above all else. You can only try to meet someone where you yourself are. And, how can we analyze the situation when we are in the middle of healing? You’re only causing yourself more suffering. I’m looking for the same internal peace too and the best way of finding it is by allowing yourself the time and patience needed to heal your heart. Only then will the real answers come.

Sam

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by emeraldheart

Don't forget you can also have a look at all the good qualities in others (including TF's) for which you admire.

One fun excercise is to notice a trait you really admire in the other and then reflect it back to self. Is there somewhere you can find this trait in yourself? Hint... it may express itself differently in you

For the purpose of developing stronger self - love, awareness and self - acceptance... this can be a fun addition to add to the tool box.

That is a good one indeed. Thank you!

[Aponee]

Lovely post...I'm dealing with the same issue.

So much so that I dreamed about two months ago that his son brought me to him. I said to him, is there something you want to say to me? He pointed his finger at me and repeated louder is there something you want to say to me.

I woke up and realized...I was the one being silent. I had been holding back. I'm the one who looks away in dreams. I'm the one who can't always surrender. Loving to this level is really like no other. We shouldn't be too hard on ourselves if we stumble with this.

This started 25 years ago for me and it's been a long journey. Yet, I feel it is all going according to plan. We have played out our roles in the 3D for the first 18 years or so and now it's developing deeper. I can look back and see the story and truly feel deep within my being that this is the way we chose. The paths meeting along the way.


Love to all of you beautiful twin flames

[BlueCat]

Committing means you are vulnerable, you truly open up, show the real you, stay true to yourself as well, and at the same time you fully accept the other person AND allow them in. Not just 50 or 60%, but 100%.
I think it is pretty safe to say that very few are able to do this. Because it is downright scary to be that vulnerable. You need true inner strength for that, again something most don't have, not 100%.
So committing, yes, but I think for most it's rather conditional: "I will stay/commit but if you do or say this that or the other I will reconsider and/or I'm gone!"
The 'I'm gone' bit doesn't necessarily mean leaving the relationship, it can also be emotionally withdrawing. Or becoming nasty or bitter.

THIS. I still have issues about committing this way, i feel triggered a lot when he express some kind of happiness on some events because i dont know why i connect that with that person who was/is with TF and i feel really bad, probably it's just a stupid fear and he is involved just him not anyone else. I also considered to leave many many times because of things i didn't like at all, it's really hard to stay and accept all of these things.