Healing From Childhood Trauma

(copy/pasted from what I wrote on another site)

Some of you may or may not know that over the past 6 months, I've had bouts of extreme anxiety, characterized by a sudden onset of intense emotions, nasty mental imagery and distorted thought patterns.

My counsellor for group therapy, which I go to almost every Wednesday, once said to me that often, individuals with autism or Asperger's Syndrome, which is what I have, will sometimes experience large jumps in the brain's development, leaving the emotional development in a gust, trailing far behind. And sometimes it is very hard to recuperate until the heart has caught up.

About 2 weeks ago I became sick with bronchitis. It may or may not have been sort of ironic that at that time, my emotions were finally catching up to where my brain launched off to about 6 months ago. I could not afford any more time lost from school as I was already very far behind, so my doctor had to prescribe some antibiotics.

Last Sunday night, when I thought that I was all better, I felt another really intense pang of emotions, causing me to have to miss the next day of school to get some rest. When this happened, I realized that I just uncovered a part of myself that had not gotten a chance to heal from any of my intense childhood traumas. This was *really* getting to me. I felt like, once again, I was going to go insane. On Monday, the day I took off, I asked for some sort of healing from the Universe. I kept it all in my mind, and I basically said something along the lines of "Let it happen on the spot. Surprise me - that is the best form of healing I can take right now."

Last Wednesday before group, I had a somewhat lengthy and intense sobbing session, in a room alone with a teacher at my school. For the first time in a while, it felt like some of what was causing my intense anxiety had been resolved. My call from two days before was answered. I felt much lighter, though somewhere in my heart, I know that much of that hurt and sadness still resides. It's very deeply-rooted, and involves more than one intense trauma that happened when I was just a little boy. It's still affecting me today.

Last night, it came up intensely again. At first I couldn't see what was causing it. It was so intense I nearly broke down again. So I hugged my stuffed animals tightly (I was doing this in bed) and, low and behold, it was another trauma that I needed to let go of. With tears in my eyes, hugging my stuffed animals as tightly as I could, I said to myself, "I love me! I love myself with all my heart and all my mind, for all of my shortcomings and everything!" It was the first time I could say that to myself, and actually mean it. I had to do the stuffie-hugging more than once, but after that, I began to feel much better.

Deep in my heart I can still feel it tugging on me and I know it will take a long time to heal from it all. Are any of you still struggling to heal? Can any of you relate to this?

[Belle]

i can.

For me, it resonates very much with the inner child, which whilst wasn't rampantly abused or neglected, underwent very subtle and subliminal and unstablising positioning which leaves me with a deep mistrust, lack of self-love as I was told how WRONG that was, and the list goes on.

When I started to connect with the inner child, I remember glaring - me at her and her at me. It was swords at dawn - pure hatred on both sides. I was shocked. I'm not really into hate.

Slowly, slowly slowly we are getting there, learning to love and trust adn that is a huge journey with the self.

Hugging teddies, pillows, stroking animals - all these things I find are deeply therapeutic and helpful. It's small steps for me, little and often. I really really struggle with it, I ponder the "what ifs", and also a wild anger against those that served me a misjustice(s) as a child and have seemingly a gazillion times more successful lives whilst I struggle with - well most things. It's not fair .... the little girl in me cries out.

It sounds like you have some good people in your life which will help you along the way, and glad you are able to get rest, I hope you get fresh air along the way.

It sounds like you're doing really well. You have got all the help there and just believe that you can get better. Sometimes, I believe that the biggest hurdle is working out what the problem is...and recognising that you can get in control of it.

Respect to you for doing that xxx

[John32241]

Originally Posted by TheLegendaryDreamer

Last night, it came up intensely again. At first I couldn't see what was causing it. It was so intense I nearly broke down again. So I hugged my stuffed animals tightly (I was doing this in bed) and, low and behold, it was another trauma that I needed to let go of. With tears in my eyes, hugging my stuffed animals as tightly as I could, I said to myself, "I love me! I love myself with all my heart and all my mind, for all of my shortcomings and everything!" It was the first time I could say that to myself, and actually mean it. I had to do the stuffie-hugging more than once, but after that, I began to feel much better.

Deep in my heart I can still feel it tugging on me and I know it will take a long time to heal from it all. Are any of you still struggling to heal? Can any of you relate to this?

Hi,

Self love may be the hardest concept to actually understand. I have 4 web sites which focus on this subject. The link in my signature is one of them.

It is quite powerful to say or think this thought.

I love me! I love myself with all my heart and all my mind

That is because it will get the energetic attention of your higher self in a very profound way.

The issue(s) which is causing you the most grief at this time may well have that so called "silver lining". The only goal in life is to be truly happy and joy filled, according to some spiritual teachers. So any thing which can get us to that "way of being" can be seen as a blessing in retrospect.

I hope you are inclined to "think like this" and that we can talk some more about these things.

Sincerely,
John