My obsessing has almost ended, but...

So, last night tf wrote and we discussed his feeling like we're just friends and then he asked if I would ever consider us in the future so that opened it up for me to write him several times again. Now I kind of went overboard again with the connection talk and he called it a "torrent". I think he wants me to leave him alone, but then he'll try to relax me by saying it will all be ok. I feel just sick about the way I am acting. I can't tell if it's a torrent of a lot of information or he's conflicted.

I need to run away and never come back, huh? I am mortified right now!

Please tell me some of you get this. I am making a complete fool of myself. I need a grip. This is probably not even a tf thing anyway.

We don't talk about soul things, there's no telepathy. I still think I am heading in the wrong direction with this.

[Impulsv]

No I've been this way. Last dec I though I had learned to manage the intensity. After meeting him within two days I was in my knees crying feeling i had failed us, overwhelmed wanting to know how he feels n wanting it to end. So I emailed telling him if we should try again. I did it over fear cuz I wanted to know now. The unknown was to intense. Ofcourse I thought I was ready, I wasn't. But this separation I learned what I had been missing unconditional love for self.

Me n tf never talked about telepathy sc until that email

Perhaps you are trying to hard to force something between the two of you. Maybe you might feel more calm if you use acceptance and trust. If you believe in a higher power, or God or the universe charting your course, perhaps you can lean on that and simply move on in your life and focus on YOU.

If you can truly get to that place that there are some things we simply have no control over, you will be much more at peace.

I would also ask yourself why you feel you need this connection.

Perhaps, you are not completely comfortable or happy in your own marriage or within yourself. I would hate to think you are depending on this man as a crutch for your own happiness. Ask yourself why you need to be connected to 'anything.'

Happiness cannot be given by another; we find it within ourselves and in the way we think, view life, others and ourselves.

I hope this helps some.

Love that word, torrent. Oh yeah, I made a complete fool of myself in the beginning. I'm still mortified that I only stopped short of serenading my twin on a street corner. Still considering it, hee hee.

Don't beat yourself up. If he is really your twin, he'll forgive you no matter what. That's how I am with mine.

His kind and loving words collide with these cease and desist and torrent comments and my ego wants to battle him. I let it go for about 3 hours, but I just wrote and told him we need to move on. I can't be doing this with him. It feels abusive, obsessive and unhealthy. He knows how to push my buttons. I did not freak out in my message, but I explained that I did nothing wrong in writing him with my conclusions about our connection (mostly I was telling him we should focus on our primary relationships and go on with our lives and see where life takes us, so it's not like I was begging or anything. My messages are usually about this kind of thing, and that's too much, apparently, because I got the stop writing me and I'll write you later thing).

I have no idea if he just needs to process the messages and that's why he needs me to stop writing so much, or if he really wants me to leave.

Well, I decided it for us. I am not used to being treated this way. My husband reassures my ego, and this guy challenges it.

Why am I concerned about this when I have a husband? Is my marriage solid? I have no idea right now. That's why I need to get off this roller coaster.

Thanks for reading!

OK, so now he writes and tells me he can't follow all the emails and he needs to be able to remember what I've said so when there's too much it's tough. He also said I seem to be unnecessarily punishing myself with my thoughts and he wanted to pull the plug on that.

Again, will the ride ever end?

I told him we need a game plan because I am obsessing and rambling and need to sort out my stuff. Hopefully we can take space.

His girlfriend will be moving in from overseas this summer, so I know it will die down a lot. Maybe that's why I have been so stressed and in need of reassurance. He'll be leaving me and I will be so sad.

Maybe also find yourself a way to redirect your focus into something you love like an activity, start a workout program and even yoga which is very balancing; anything that helps you in an emotional/spiritual way.

I believe that slowly you will be able to obsess less over this and find a new you in there somewhere. That's what rebirth and evolution are all about and if you gain it without him, that's how it's meant to be.

I agree Soulful!

I was all geared up yesterday to get back to myself, and now I'm back in with him. Next week I start a new grad school class that will keep me very busy and I have about a million things to do yet this week. Why can't I get anything done when he and I are comminicating? Is this normal or abnormal? It feels codependent and twisted. I can see that it is unhealthy. It really is reminding me of the nasty boyfriend situation I had in college. The difference here is it's normally not negative (my base insecurities are trying to be cleared I believe) it's just intense and occupies my thoughts too much.

Any thoughts about that? Either many of us are in unhealthy tf relationships or this is just par for the course with the tf thing!

If this is par for the course, I don't want it.

I truly think what is happening with those who have no physical contact or actual stable relationship with the one they refer to as their soul mate, soul connection (whatever you want to call it) is that they are hoping for a special connection like the ones who actually have a physical, steady or permanent relationship with their soul mate. I know for me, I don't have this type of soul connection with my husband, so this connection latched onto me like a leech and I allowed it by sticking around for the blood sucking it has done and also chanced the damage it could have eventually done to marriage.

It seems like some will do anything to obtain it; even lose their self-respect. It seems very unhealthy and co-dependent to me, which is why I am outta there!

I don't care how synchronistic or special it seems, it can't be healthy if it takes this much work when an imbalance keeps rearing its ugly head and one is willing to lose oneself in the process of trying to find oneself.

If the love one pours into the soul relationship is suddenly transferred to oneself or God, I think the outcome will be a very positive, amazing one.

Transformation starts when someone takes the journey toward themselves seriously and doesn't depend on someone else to help them get there!

As much as I really can't explain what happened to me and I know it was real, I'm not about to hang around any longer for the person attached to the so-called soul that I never asked to be attached to like this.

Breaking any unhealthy habit can only be mastered by oneself, like a dependency such as alcohol or drugs. It takes the conscious work of the individual to make it happen.

And, if thoughts of him filter in, I still have the power to release them. It's my choice to not be a victim of those thoughts that try to have the power over me.

Originally Posted by ksjm33

I agree Soulful!

I was all geared up yesterday to get back to myself, and now I'm back in with him. Next week I start a new grad school class that will keep me very busy and I have about a million things to do yet this week. Why can't I get anything done when he and I are comminicating? Is this normal or abnormal? It feels codependent and twisted. I can see that it is unhealthy. It really is reminding me of the nasty boyfriend situation I had in college. The difference here is it's normally not negative (my base insecurities are trying to be cleared I believe) it's just intense and occupies my thoughts too much.

Any thoughts about that? Either many of us are in unhealthy tf relationships or this is just par for the course with the tf thing!

I'm so glad you are able to see this situation for what it is! Yes, it sounds very codependent and unhealthy! I would never say it's "par for the course with TFs" because that gets people in the mind that dysfunction is what defines a twin soul connection. It's not. Not at all. As long as people think that, they hang on and hang on and get crushed because they can't walk away from an attachment they need to believe is their twin.

That said, you are on the right track with recognizing how unhealthy this is! When I was in a situation like this, I freaked out and obsessed and wrote way too much and all of that. My insecurities were overwhelming! It took a lot of time, distance, aging a bit, and some level headed conversations for me to see why I was reacting the way I was and bombarding this guy with my terror over losing him when he just needed space and time to process his own feelings. My freak outs totally didn't help. I had to realize this was all about me, and coming from me, not him. And it wasn't until he went away and we were separated in earnest that I could start to see that, and deal with the feelings on my own instead of projecting them on him and waiting for his response or approval.

It did turn out ok! And I'm in a very different place now!

Have you considered blocking him on your chat/email whatever? Just completely disabling contact? That way there's no back and forth "I'll write you later" "could there be a future for us but I don't want anything serious right now" business. It's in your hands and you can take control any time you want!