Love & Obsession/addiction

How to know the difference? THAT is the question.

I've been in love, had flings, made mistakes, even a loveless marriage and now I finally think Ive met the right one, well... apart from his kids having an inbuilt sex radar everything is nice.

I've been learning about codependency, love addiction, the difference between love and obsession and it makes me wonder how we can ever truly tell when we've got it right. I mean the last guy I was with who I really loved turned out to be a sociopath, a total narcissist, caused nothing but heartache, I really believed he loved me . . . like we always do!

I've been with my sexy Scorpio for 6 weeks now and I'm worried that loved up phase may be coming off its initial high, we are becoming more relaxed around each other and what worries me is that this could be another waste of time.

I think about him all the time and love getting his calls then I start to get paranoid and think sloooow down, I even baked cakes which goes against my new relationship rules! Last thing I want is it going head over heels then flat on my face. I have mars and venus in scorpio so its within my nature to become deeply involved but last thing I want is an obsessional relationship.

Any thoughts??? can you tell the difference between a happy healthy relationship and one that is obsessional?

I might just add, he also has wanted me for a very long time, hope I dont disappoint.

[samantha]

I would like to know this as well. I tend to become deeply involved and i also have mars & venus in scorpio. I am single though at the moment but i met someone not long back well known him since school and in my late 20s i developed some feelings for him but he was taken then so i kept it to myself. I felt some strange stuff with him, not bad stuff i just dont understand it. I think about him still not conciously but he keeps popping into my head. Dont think im obssessed but woiuld be nice to no what to watch for just incase.

There is a difference between love and obsession. Love is pure and kind,its attracts only humble and kind emotions with a little bit of jealousy, but obsession is based on selfishness,it is mainly based on the needs of oneself, a person who simply wont let go because of insecurities and fear. Obsessed people fear to let go and start over, they dwell so much on their comfort zone that they wont allow change.

This is very simple and true Shone. Some people refuse to let go and it is fear of change, fear of never having it again. I've been there.

I'm now in a very different relationship, this guy isn't obsessed with me which is surprising for a Scorpio. I attract men that get obsessed or codependents or love and sex addicts. I can go all day and not hear from him, its very unusual. So this is teaching me how to trust, relax and not be needy or attention seeking. Its very weird though lol.

Originally Posted by Osian

I'm now in a very different relationship, this guy isn't obsessed with me which is surprising for a Scorpio. I attract men that get obsessed or codependents or love and sex addicts. I can go all day and not hear from him, its very unusual. So this is teaching me how to trust, relax and not be needy or attention seeking. Its very weird though lol.

Sounds like you're merely having difficulty in adjusting to a different type of relationship ...
I say slow down & just have fun while the two of you are together ...
If it doesn't turn out to be a long term relationship it would not have been a waste of time ...
Think about all the valuable meaningful lessons you're learning from this guy ...

A good many people like some sort of drama in their relationships ...
For them, it brings out emotions that they interpret as love even if the emotions are negative ...
When drama is not present it makes a person, who is unaccustomed to it, feel like a fish out of water ...
Floundering around lost & confused ...

Others use sex to establish an immediate connection, if the other is not willing its immediately thought of as rejection ...
People are in such a hurry to get everything they want & they also want guarantees w/everything especially when they immediately give their all ...
Life has no gurantees ...
I think its best to treat dating as it was meant to be - an exploration ...
Thinking in terms of it being a mission brings alot of dissapointment ...
Relationships are best when allowed to flow, grow & evolve; it is part of the adventure ...
Continue to trust, relax and not be needy or attention seeking ...

HAHA yes thanks Living Karma I think I'm far too demanding in a relationship, I expect and am used to partners that give a lot of love, always calling, checking in etc. He is definitely NOT what I am used to, it can be the end of the day when I finally get a call from him, he just goes about his life, yet when with me he is great, very kind, pleasing etc.

To me it feels hot and cold. I like it HOT all the time lol. So yes you are right I am used to drama. He doesn't provide drama. PATIENCE, AND TRUST is what I am learning. Its the two things I clearly havent got. In a way having an addict partner is easier.

i found it confusing, i thought obsession was love

[joyfirst]

Originally Posted by Seb__

i found it confusing, i thought obsession was love

Because movies tend to put that idea into our heads. Who would watch peaceful loving movies without super highs and super lows?
People are addicted to drama, because it creates adrenaline rush, but then come all the side effects...

I call it the Fly High than Crash and Burn relationship. Everything happens at lightening speed. Not that I've had one, although I have seen many, more so in the g/g world. This will sound stereotypical, but women are scary! Even though I am one.

In terms of men forming obsessions, I have yet to see an obsessed man (I don't doubt there are many). Obsession is an ugly trait in my eyes.

Love requires having faith in the other person. Two people maybe obsessed with each other which is also scary. If you feel there is a healthy balance of obsession and independence, then you've hit the jackpot.

Keep cool until everything turns to custard, because if might not get that far. Live happily within today, because tomorrow never comes.