Healing your roots, spiritual view?

[Mysticat-IID]

I dont know how to tell about it, so I'm just gonna write mkay? I'll be grateful for any advice that could help me on my road to healing!

Life's been confusing to me already, but during the past few years I've been even more immensely focused on finding the roots and wanting to fix myself. I always kinda knew something was wrong but couldn't tell aside from what's left after being bullied at school and losing an important friend in childhood - the only one I could, back then, truly trust and find supportive.
Attracting equally messed up people through my life (whether wanting to help them or "win" them) just slowly made me realize this is a result of being raised by a toxic abusive parent.

Sometimes it visualizes to me as this: walking in a haunted town ruined by war, radiation, and toxic waste. I never really see the threat but I feel the polluted air is going to kill me the longer I stay.
Ponds of water sometimes appear on the roads out of nowhere hiding vicious parasitic creatures waiting on the bottom, but it's always part of my daily duty to cross the waters anyway.. even if by swimming through. At home either nobody is there or the family I had was killed by some hostile group, if I scream for help, nobody comes.
If someone attacks me, I usually can't outmatch them so I run, but if I fall, I'll be overwhelmed. Sometimes in buildings the floors could just disappear and I'd fall into my death. Doors could also be blocked by some mysterious mass I can't break through, feeling imprisoned into one room with no doors or windows.
Sometimes it feels as if my mind is filled by seawater full of alga, around my heart partly melted mountain of ice, everytime it melts more, it hurts. But the water is needed so if anyone throws oil on me in order to set me on fire for their own satisfaction, I could clean myself before being burnt alive.

I've started educating myself about emotional abuse and how to deal with toxic people, I'm also receiving professional help. However I got a feeling that I also need to learn to cleanse my emotional wounds spiritually, to find the deepest roots that require healing before attempting to move forward. I don't need to live carrying the legacy of someone elses wounds, just my own undoing. I want to regain my power to live!

[Lucky]

Sounds like there is definitely some blocked energy trapped in you from carrying the weight of these emotions, as well as going back to your childhood. I've been there and personally am still working on some issues too. You said it perfectly, "I don't need to live carrying the legacy of someone else's wounds"...this and some other things you said here make me think perhaps you might be an Empath (I am). Before I get into great detail about it, look it up and see if if resonates with you. Anyhow, there are several ways to get to the roots but it takes a lot of work, and as I'm sure you'll soon see by others responses, there are a lot of methods. Without going overboard on some far out methods, start by meditating if you're not already. Try a reiki session. There are many ways you can work to clear your chakras and energy field. I don't want to overwhelm you with too many suggestions, but let me know your thoughts on the above.

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Mysticat-IID

I've started educating myself about emotional abuse and how to deal with toxic people, I'm also receiving professional help. However I got a feeling that I also need to learn to cleanse my emotional wounds spiritually, to find the deepest roots that require healing before attempting to move forward.

Congratulations on getting professional help! :-) I've learned it's very important to learn to feel and get in touch with our bodies. People often use spirituality to disassociate from their bodies and are told things like emotions and feeling are unspiritual. Nothing could be further from the truth. True spirituality is built on an emotionally healthy foundation that comes from healing through things like therapy, support groups, a support system, and daily self care.

A very powerful practice that I found to spiritually heal emotional wounds is kundalini yoga for psychiatric disorders. It is not the same as the popular 'kundalini awakening'. This is actual treatment for psychological disorders from a doctor at UCSD. There is the book Sacred Therapies and the website SacredTherapies.com. I recommend following the PTSD video even if you don't think you have PTSD. Good luck! :-)

[Mysticat-IID]

@ Lucky
I'm not sure if just highly sensitive or an empath, the latter is possible. I've learnt to cope by walking away from situations, taking my own space when required and reprogramming my thinking. For few years I've been trying to shield, meditate and cleanse my energies as I've wanted to know what's truly mine and what I've accidently taken in from others or been forced to carry for others: be it emotions, soul-memories or energies in general.
I wish to have freedom to exist for myself and have trust in what is possible for me, not always being forced to exist for others.

I would love hearing more as you have experience about dealing with toxic roots.

@ Seawolf
I've never heard of emotions and feelings being seen as unspiritual, pretty much the opposite. I agree on mind-body-spirit connection, too, and emotionally healthy foundation is why I seek to heal my roots.

I will look into the PTSD video with better internet connection.

[Joyce]

Originally Posted by Mysticat-IID

I dont know how to tell about it, so I'm just gonna write mkay? I'll be grateful for any advice that could help me on my road to healing!

Life's been confusing to me already, but during the past few years I've been even more immensely focused on finding the roots and wanting to fix myself. I always kinda knew something was wrong but couldn't tell aside from what's left after being bullied at school and losing an important friend in childhood - the only one I could, back then, truly trust and find supportive.
Attracting equally messed up people through my life (whether wanting to help them or "win" them) just slowly made me realize this is a result of being raised by a toxic abusive parent.

Sometimes it visualizes to me as this: walking in a haunted town ruined by war, radiation, and toxic waste. I never really see the threat but I feel the polluted air is going to kill me the longer I stay.
Ponds of water sometimes appear on the roads out of nowhere hiding vicious parasitic creatures waiting on the bottom, but it's always part of my daily duty to cross the waters anyway.. even if by swimming through. At home either nobody is there or the family I had was killed by some hostile group, if I scream for help, nobody comes.
If someone attacks me, I usually can't outmatch them so I run, but if I fall, I'll be overwhelmed. Sometimes in buildings the floors could just disappear and I'd fall into my death. Doors could also be blocked by some mysterious mass I can't break through, feeling into one room with no doors or windows.
Sometimes it feels as if my mind is filled by seawater full of alga, around my heart partly melted mountain of ice, everytime it melts more, it hurts. But the water is needed so if anyone throws oil on me in order to set me on fire for their own satisfaction, I could clean myself before being burnt alive.

I've started educating myself about emotional abuse and how to deal with toxic people, I'm also receiving professional help. However I got a feeling that I also need to learn to cleanse my emotional wounds spiritually, to find the deepest roots that require healing before attempting to move forward. I don't need to live carrying the legacy of someone else's wounds, just my own undoing. I want to regain my power to live!

Welcome to the forum.

Our healing begins within, as you know, and in my experience, we heal when we accept that which we cannot change because it just IS. And we focus our attention on every detail, we see at the moment of awareness, we can be truly grateful for.

We accept our part in our resentments ((small to large)), because what IS in our individual life experience is a manifestation of our inner~self. We do know this intuitively. THIS is what heals our present experience.

We can do this! We are created to do this. It isn't guaranteed to be easy, yet it IS doable.

[Seawolf]

Originally Posted by Mysticat-IID

I've never heard of emotions and feelings being seen as unspiritual, pretty much the opposite. I agree on mind-body-spirit connection, too, and emotionally healthy foundation is why I seek to heal my roots.

I will look into the PTSD video with better internet connection.

I don't know if it's just a recent thing, but in today's spirituality, emotions are part of what's called the 'ego' which many consider something to be eliminated.

It's based on disassociation from negative feelings, which is a very popular thing with humans in general lol. It's not just in spirituality, the resistance to feeling and understanding ourselves, namely things like past trauma and it's effects, is widespread in the world. That just gives me more motivation to focus on it for myself.

Focusing on becoming emotionally healthy is a wonderful thing to do! It's refreshing to hear someone talking about it here.

Doing just the first couple of excersices in thte PTSD video changed my life. Doing the whole set will put you in state of bliss. I highly recommend it to anyone. All of it is done sitting in a chair.