I'm done with him

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by Occultist

The reason why it didnt come across is that you only took the parts you wanted to see not what was really being said.
Because of that I would if I was you be very aware and understand all I am saying is you deserve better!. I am on your side and please remember we control our own destinys nothing is carved in stone about our future that cannot be changed. I remember one time I did a palm reading and this young girls life line just stopped never jumped or skipped but just ended it was scary to me then she started tell me she was doing some prostitution to make ends meet and got pregnant and was on a path of distruction. I helped her get into rehab get her life back in order she actually got a job in a Gentlemans club as a dancer and didnt have to have sex with her clients. She came back to me a month later after getting her **** in order opened her palm and her life line actually grew across her palm the way it was supposed to be.. So she jumped path to a different path and created a new destiny.
From what you have wrote in this thread if you go back and read it. Many of us do believe its toxic. That doesnt mean that you will always look for Toxic relationships you seem very smart and I believe you will rise above.
Find true love leave this looser TF thing so far in the dust behind you that you will forget all about him. He will look like a spec in your coffee. LOL Just remember to read more carefully what people are trying to write and not what you believe they wrote. Same with what people verbally say to you also. Like a parent or someone who might be trying to help you.

ok ill take your advice re reading more specifically, re this, well im not saying i wont ever find someone else...never say never but i don;t think you can judge others situations without being in them, i'm well aware of what i'm doing and we come to this board like someone said to vent.
Whilst I agree with some of what you write here I also know that sometimes great rewards come with the effort you put in, I see good in this man, i don't sit around letting him play me for the fool for he knows i'm out there with 10 other men
the truth is my intution and guidance is leading me and it will also tell me when to quit.
I even have the support of a lot of my friends on this one who i didn't have at the beginning, friends normally can see these situations for what they are, they all think he is worth it and just scared but will come round.

My door is definitely open to new possibilities, it's just non have come along since meeting him, if they do then hey and it feels right of course i'll try it. I can't help not having a pull to other people, thats something internal, trying to force something with someone in some kind of 'hey i'm over this connection' is just fooling yourself and hurting others. If he comes back we will have to be open with one another and actually speak about htis running and see if he's prepared to work on it for me the key is we need to be open and talking about this and until we do this of course there can be no more chances and if i find i have a pull to someone else of course i'll give it a try.

[miss_believed]

having said this my pull just now got pretty low, i think im ready to experience life and it will be as it's meant to be but i don't think it's about being toxic, tf's bring with them lessons, I don't think it's even possible to get your brain back until you learn what your being taught, and thats not just move on, it's really not that simple with a tf/sc

i was guided clearly to open up and allow him to know how i felt a month ago and since then after a 0-70 period or happiness and crying, and then being sicker than ever in my life for a month, it's really died down for me, he's there but that insane pull right now is gone obviously i should not speak to soon!

[silke]

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

the difference I think is that you love your TF through you soul not your heart. I struggled for years to try and realize how I could love both my wife and my TF with all my heart if all my heart wasn't available to give to either one of them. I than realize I do love my wife will all my heart because I love my TF with all my soul which is why its such a struggle to decide on who to be with in a physical relationship because I'd be missing something in either case. I know it kinda sounds "convienent" to put it this way but it makes a lot more sense than loving someone with only a portion of your heart and my love for both of them seems to be originiating from a different location anyways.

I like this beautiful life....loving one through the heart and the other through the soul....(although I do think they still overlap which just adds to the confusion) In your case, I do think it is your wife that you are meant to be 'with' in the physical, simply because you are.

Originally Posted by miss_believed

ok ill take your advice re reading more specifically, re this, well im not saying i wont ever find someone else...never say never but i don;t think you can judge others situations without being in them, i'm well aware of what i'm doing and we come to this board like someone said to vent.
Whilst I agree with some of what you write here I also know that sometimes great rewards come with the effort you put in, I see good in this man, i don't sit around letting him play me for the fool for he knows i'm out there with 10 other men
the truth is my intution and guidance is leading me and it will also tell me when to quit.
I even have the support of a lot of my friends on this one who i didn't have at the beginning, friends normally can see these situations for what they are, they all think he is worth it and just scared but will come round.

My door is definitely open to new possibilities, it's just non have come along since meeting him, if they do then hey and it feels right of course i'll try it. I can't help not having a pull to other people, thats something internal, trying to force something with someone in some kind of 'hey i'm over this connection' is just fooling yourself and hurting others. If he comes back we will have to be open with one another and actually speak about htis running and see if he's prepared to work on it for me the key is we need to be open and talking about this and until we do this of course there can be no more chances and if i find i have a pull to someone else of course i'll give it a try.

I see Good in Charles Manson and much talent musician doesnt mean I want to date him or have him text me while I am in bed with my partner.. People judge we judge everyone one on a thread we are supposed to look at a situation examin it tell what we think from our own experiances.
you put stuff up you should be okay with people given there opinion . I am not saying anything in harm just stating my feelings sorry you misunderstand prolly cause we are in different age groups you seem alot younger maybe.
It my right to judge I am not ashaimed to judge someone.

[EricDraven]

Originally Posted by Occultist

I see Good in Charles Manson and much talent musician doesnt mean I want to date him or have him text me while I am in bed with my partner.. People judge we judge everyone one on a thread we are supposed to look at a situation examin it tell what we think from our own experiances.
you put stuff up you should be okay with people given there opinion . I am not saying anything in harm just stating my feelings sorry you misunderstand prolly cause we are in different age groups you seem alot younger maybe.
It my right to judge I am not ashaimed to judge someone.

"Judgment and love are opposites. From one comes all the sorrows of the world. From the other comes the peace of God. Judgment will bind my eyes and make me blind." (p. 470) A Course in Miracles

Without having read all of the posts, a couple of thoughts-

I can still acknowledge the good things that my tf (and I am not entirely convinced of that term), brought and the fun that we had. On the other side, he had many very negative aspects. In addition, I think at least part of the good times were a function of both of us trying to be what the other person wanted, but not really who we were. Once the masks started to drop and reality set in, I think we both had an aha moment that we were not really a match. Almost everyone is a composite of good and bad so it is a matter of finding the balance. Once the balance tips, then you need to make a decision. It is very important to not see someone in all or none categories. In addition, balances change over time. The person that might be a match at 20 may be a nightmare at 40. All of those negative qualitites that you were able to overlook early on, become the strongest and most negative features of the person when they are older. Also, life needs change. At 20 you are looking for fun. At 40, you are looking for stability and perhaps a person who is a good parent. A person who stays arrested at the fun stage will make for a very narcissistic and damaging parent.

Also, I have to say that all of my friends saw him as a lazy, impulsive, manipulative and rather nasty person. My best friend saw this, but felt that I wasn't ready to hear that he was/is a louse so did her best to support me. She was an amazing person. Nonetheless, she never thought he was so wonderful. Therefore, i would listen to your friends. At least realize they see these people without all the glitter and romance that you do. They see who the person may be at 40.

That said, I know the pull is incredibly strong and all of the sage wisdom in the world isn't going to stop that. Maybe there are even some for whom the person is a great match. It is always impossible to really tell until you are old enough to look at the relationship in retrospect. Just trust your instincts. I really liked the book called the Gift of Fear. He very much said to trust your gut. I have always done that and never regretted it.

Originally Posted by EricDraven

"Judgment and love are opposites. From one comes all the sorrows of the world. From the other comes the peace of God. Judgment will bind my eyes and make me blind." (p. 470) A Course in Miracles

I am sorry you feel that way but its simply not correct. We as humans are preconditioned to judge and evaluate a situation to keep us safe and learn from it.
With out these ability's we would be a dead species. I judge with honesty not hate not anger I guess it depends again on how we judge or what's in our hearts as we judge.
Dont go blindly into a relationship or dont stay in a abusive one because I dont want to judge the guy who punched me or raped me.<-speaking from experiance.
Learning from our mistakes keeps us from doing them over again judging situations help keep us from falling prey.