Beating myself up for looking at women - hinders spiritual progress...

[Lucyan28]

Hello there Q-Kev, there is nothing wrong with you.

It is a basic instinct of our biology, natural functions of the human body, the libido is an important part in the human experience. It's perfectly healthy and natural. Your libido as it is helps in your marriage, if you want to reject this natural process then you could really harm yourself and your marriage.

Just flow with it =)

Remember it is natural !

[QuantumKev]

Originally Posted by QT Pie

Perhaps the incorrectness is in the assumption you can kill such leanings. You can't. And probably would hate life if you could. I do not believe in rejecting human behavior. That doesn't mean do whatever you want but fundimentally you are in severe judgement of self. Our human imperfection is a frame to highlight the perfection of the soul. We cannot make our humaness perfect. We can only love ourselves despite them.

As I see it the trouble is in the assumption you should "be" other than what you already are. The trouble is in the perspective of the act, and not the act itself.

This is a GREAT observation and point for me to realize - I cannot kill such leanings, period. There is a level of acceptance and freedom in knowing, and ACCEPTING that - I think that's what I need to work on, is the acceptance of that fact.

Thanks for the valuable insight - very helpful


Many Blessings...

Qkev

[CrystalSong]

This reminded me of a story the gentleman whom I refer to as my 2nd Guru told me about his awakening.

He was already moving into higher states of consciousness and becoming aware of many things, when he was driving down the road to town one day.

As he drove he contemplated the state of his heart and mind, when suddenly what he described as the Puffed Marshmellow Man suddenly appeared on his shoulder and said something like "You have Awakened now"
(I forget exactly what the Marshmellow Man said)
My Mentor was immediately startled and asked 'where did you come from?" And a conversation unfolded as he drove about the states of consciousness, Love and transcending the illusion.

Towards the end he demanded of the Marshmellow Man "Well if I'm now an awakened person, prove it to me, prove I have risen above the base human state of existence and transcended into a higher state of consciousness!"
Marshmellow Man asked how that could be proved
and my Mentor said something like "If I can control my libido and sex drive then I will believe you that I have transcended the body and mind."
Marshmellow Man said "It is so".
To which my Mentor responded with something like "Hmmph! We'll see about that!"

In town he watched beautiful women in all manner of attire and ways of walking, moving and smiling and discovered he only saw the natural beauty in them and for the first time in his life observing a beautiful woman didn't lead to sexual thoughts. He was amazed!

He said since the Marshmellow Man day he has in fact never been afflicted by sexual thoughts in conjunction with seeing women and for the first time now can appreciate them without the haze of lust clouding his thoughts. And of course came to accept his Awakening of Consciousness as a fact.

Just a tale told to me by another who may well have had the same concerns as you have Q-Kev, as you can from his own demands for proof.
Thought you might appreciate it. :)

Haven't thought of that story in a long while.
It's amusing all the different types of awakenings we can have.

[QuantumKev]

Originally Posted by Lucyan28

Hello there Q-Kev, there is nothing wrong with you.

It is a basic instinct of our biology, natural functions of the human body, the libido is an important part in the human experience. It's perfectly healthy and natural. Your libido as it is helps in your marriage, if you want to reject this natural process then you could really harm yourself and your marriage.

Just flow with it =)

Remember it is natural !

Thanks Lucyan - I appreciate that! You make some great points too :)


Many Blessings,

Qkev

[QuantumKev]

Originally Posted by CrystalSong

This reminded me of a story the gentleman whom I refer to as my 2nd Guru told me about his awakening.

He was already moving into higher states of consciousness and becoming aware of many things, when he was driving down the road to town one day.

As he drove he contemplated the state of his heart and mind, when suddenly what he described as the Puffed Marshmellow Man suddenly appeared on his shoulder and said something like "You have Awakened now"
(I forget exactly what the Marshmellow Man said)
My Mentor was immediately startled and asked 'where did you come from?" And a conversation unfolded as he drove about the states of consciousness, Love and transcending the illusion.

Towards the end he demanded of the Marshmellow Man "Well if I'm now an awakened person, prove it to me, prove I have risen above the base human state of existence and transcended into a higher state of consciousness!"
Marshmellow Man asked how that could be proved
and my Mentor said something like "If I can control my libido and sex drive then I will believe you that I have transcended the body and mind."
Marshmellow Man said "It is so".
To which my Mentor responded with something like "Hmmph! We'll see about that!"

In town he watched beautiful women in all manner of attire and ways of walking, moving and smiling and discovered he only saw the natural beauty in them and for the first time in his life observing a beautiful woman didn't lead to sexual thoughts. He was amazed!

He said since the Marshmellow Man day he has in fact never been afflicted by sexual thoughts in conjunction with seeing women and for the first time now can appreciate them without the haze of lust clouding his thoughts. And of course came to accept his Awakening of Consciousness as a fact.

Just a tale told to me by another who may well have had the same concerns as you have Q-Kev, as you can from his own demands for proof.
Thought you might appreciate it. :)

Haven't thought of that story in a long while.
It's amusing all the different types of awakenings we can have.

Wow, that's an awesome story CrystalSong - thank you for sharing! I definitely do appreciate that, and it's nice to know that as part of awakening, he was freed from the sexual thoughts. It kind of validates my belief too - that if one is awakened, those thoughts would either go away or one would be able to control them. Nice to know someone actually made it there! Gives me hope that I can too one day


Many Blessings CrystalSong...

Qkev

[knightofalbion]

You are human ... Better to go through something (i.e. been there, done that, got the t-shirt sort of thing) and get it out of your system, than have it persistently snapping at your ankles like a Jack Russell.

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by knightofalbion

You are human ... Better to go through something (i.e. been there, done that, got the t-shirt sort of thing) and get it out of your system, than have it persistently snapping at your ankles like a Jack Russell.

He is saying though that he has been doing this most of his adult life..so it doesn't sound to me like a *fling* as such where he has enjoyed that experience for a time, deepened through it and let it go into something new...if that other side seeking to change is seeking it may be time though :0

[Please Leave Me]

the eyes were made to behold beauty

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by QuantumKev

Wow, so many great replies here - thank you all! I greatly appreciate all the great advice.

I think what I have come away with after reading everyone's awesome replies is that it's not productive to be so hard on myself, that there are strong biological and genetic factors at work that predispose us to look at people of the opposite sex whom we find attractive, and that as long as I don't get into a habit of comparing my wife to other women or actually take any actions, there really is nothing "non-spiritual" about it.

It's just a matter of being a spiritual being having a human experience, and I really like what someone said about it not being so much about the act of noticing women as it is about the perception of the act. That really rings true to me.

I really appreciate all the great input from everyone here! I do have incredibly high standards for myself spiritually speaking - and I don't think that's always a bad thing - and as such, I need to be careful to not judge myself too harshly as someone else suggested. At the same time, I try to avoid the other side of that reasoning which would allow me to do certain things and then blame them on the fact that "I'm a man, what do you expect?" As with everything in life, it seems it's really all about balance, and I thank you all for pointing out some ways in which my thinking was out of balance, and for showing so much compassion and understanding

Many Blessings to all...

Qkev

There is a deepening process through it all as you show.

Resistance, judgment, need and desire, conditioned ideas about humans and needs, balance, respect and compassion for all sentient beings, balance of sexual energy and spiritual energy..and so on and like most things any choice we make in life in any experience we choose, will awaken these aspects to deepen and grow through in our own internal conflict ..:)

When the *focus* is surface reactions to sexual nature, there are always opportunities to go deeper in yourself, to build a new relationship with your sexual energy and nature. .

"You can search throughout the entire Universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe deserve your love and affection" ~ the Buddha'

[QuantumKev]

Originally Posted by naturesflow

There is a deepening process through it all as you show.

Resistance, judgment, need and desire, conditioned ideas about humans and needs, balance, respect and compassion for all sentient beings, balance of sexual energy and spiritual energy..and so on and like most things any choice we make in life in any experience we choose, will awaken these aspects to deepen and grow through in our own internal conflict ..:)

When the *focus* is surface reactions to sexual nature, there are always opportunities to go deeper in yourself, to build a new relationship with your sexual energy and nature. .

"You can search throughout the entire Universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire Universe deserve your love and affection" ~ the Buddha'

Thanks naturesflow - I appreciate that. I really like how you talked about growing through our "internal conflict"... so very true I think, at least for me.

Oh, and I especially like what you did there with that last line - looks vaguely familiar lol


Many Blessings...

Qkev