If u are the tf runner

Impulsv · #1 18-01-2016, 06:19 AM

Do u think how u could have possibly hurt ur tf n self hate. I ask because I had a strange experience. I awoke angry but while asleep not dreaming my mind was thinking on its own recalling what my tf did to me n felt like if my tf was self hating n I awoke angry at him. Really wierd because like I said subconsciously my mind was replaying this but not dreaming it.

RaysOfScarletDreams · #2 18-01-2016, 06:28 AM

No pain no gain.

Impulsv · #3 18-01-2016, 06:54 AM

My tf could have said he had a gf or. Ignored me if he wanted to get rid of me. Instead I was lured to open up to stroke his ego so that he could flat out reject me.
He Needed to get from me if I was still interested only so that when I opened up he cruelty rejected.
He could have rejected from the the start ignored my call , make up a gf or in the end say u got gf
Instead he giving false hope to feed his ego n crushing me in the most gut wrenching way. One time when he called he laughed when I asked if he called because he was hoping to rekindle. The next time he offered fwb ( if it was to push me away all he had to say is I got gf. But he had to have me reveal my feelings n when I did he said I just want Fwb
So I awoke angry thinking if all he wanted to do was get rid of me why did he do it so cruelly

Robot · #4 18-01-2016, 07:20 AM

Well I guess u can say I'm the runner even though tf and I weren't romantically involved. Yes I ran partly to hurt him bc I couldn't stand what I saw in the mirror. And yea he needs to learn to love himself. I'll gladly take fwb with my tf though knowing us it'll change to being together a lot more within a few hours. I think u need to ask ur higher self or meditate for answers or ask for some sort of healing for you both.

Impulsv · #5 18-01-2016, 07:39 AM

So u purposely hurt him what was it that u couldn't stand seeing . His lack of self love?
I couldn't. Accept that fwb n I did so out of self love. I do think that moment was for me to chose myself love or him. He was utterly surprised. He always saw love as losing ones power .
So I told him I loved him but did not need him n walked.

Robot · #6 18-01-2016, 08:11 PM

i meant ur twins lack of self love. In my case it was his doing things that I used to do that brought me a lot of pain. In the end it's the lack of self love that causes us to run. it's like I used to openly be like that but ended up just getting hurt and I don't want to see that repeated in anyone else and esp not a guy who reminds me of myself. As for to hurt him, I was also mad at him for not taking me on as a partner in a game. It's like if I'm not good enough for your team then you won't mind losing to me. I ended up writing a decent amt on that subject and I think my twin will find his way to all of it bt my thoughts that I stored on a google drive and skype records with friends once we really get together. Oh and at the time when that happened I had no clue what a tf was. By nature I'm a very logical person who doesn't really let herself feel stuff and it's really the whole running/tf/awakening process that changed that. Even then some of those feelings are only acknowledged in those diaries and maybe telepathic conversations with tf.

what happened with me was after I ran I ended up more angry and depressed and spent a decent amt of time lashing out and eventually ended up going thru some awakenings, I think partially triggered by tf, partially triggered from another event in my life.

Emm · #7 18-01-2016, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Impulsv

So u purposely hurt him what was it that u couldn't stand seeing . His lack of self love?
I couldn't. Accept that fwb n I did so out of self love. I do think that moment was for me to chose myself love or him. He was utterly surprised. He always saw love as losing ones power .
So I told him I loved him but did not need him n walked.

Sorry I'm a bt confused here....you told him you loved him but didnt need him and walked away....was this before he had a girlfriend?

And Im not sure what fwb means

Impulsv · #8 18-01-2016, 09:12 PM

Last I met him he never told me had a gf but I later found out he did. He married her later. He offers Freinds with benefits. Sex without commitment. He would have been cheating on his gf if I had accepted or knew me well enough I wouldn't. I walked away
Robot ironically that same day he said he could hurt any woman but never me.
I could not understand his fear of hurting me. But all he ever did was hurt me by his cruel rejections.

Impulsv · #9 18-01-2016, 09:18 PM

Robot what do u mean not taking u on as a partner in a game. Yes my tf liked game playing n I would not partake in his game playing n was straight no beating around the bush
That's when he'd run

Yes I felt anger but I feel like it could have been his because I was asleep n not thinking consciously n had a vision as I awoke of him being angry at himself. But it could have just been my mind thinking on its own.

Emm · #10 18-01-2016, 10:34 PM

Thanks Impulsv for clearing that up lol

Its possible that the true self brought up the memory for conscious releasing. It may be that this is the memory that you cant let go and is causing you the most pain so giving you perspective of both you and him. Dont give it any more food for thought, accept that it happened, it was an experience that you can now let go and move forward. This memory may have you stuck in the past, the emotion you feel is possibly the energy that is contained within that memory. See it as a message of love from higher self to help you release.