love, healthy separation, and the meaning of self-love

[happy soul]

Scott Peck said in The Road Less Traveled, 'Love is separateness.'

The philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said that the more one sees another as an extension of themselves, the further they get from love. He said that one's spouse should be seen primarily as their 'neighbor,' rather than as something that's THEIRS, as something that 'belongs to them.'

When we see others as extensions of ourselves, we often mistreat them. Romantic partners often disrespect and attack each other. Parents often mistreat their own children in ways they'd never mistreat a child who isn't 'theirs.'

Most people with mental illnesses have this problem. They see others as extensions of themselves rather than as separate individuals. This lack of a healthy sense of separation may originate from poor brain health (the brain can function in a way that creates a lack of healthy separation), never having separated from one's mother, traumatic abuse in childhood, or lack of love (when the person just doesn't have much love in their heart).

It ultimately probably comes from a projection of one's relationship with THEMSELVES, and from a failure to sufficiently love oneself. Many people feel free to abuse and disrespect themselves because THEY'RE the ones doing it. But that's not self-love.

If you love yourself, then respect yourself, honor yourself. Don't feel free to attack yourself just because YOU'RE the one doing the attacking.