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Old 04-09-2019, 01:13 AM
jro5139 jro5139 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 900
Originally Posted by clueless
Hey ssdm1 it is good seeing you too

I believe it is impossible to forget person you share soul connection. Forgetting about it would mean dementia or Alzheimer or something. People who expect that or advice that just haven't experienced soul connection.

I haven't forgot mine, it is clear since I'm writing about him right now

However, I stopped feeling anything for him and that is what is important to me, and that is mine proof that I have reset myself to the way I was before I met him.

I don't think I will ever "forget" him. But now I'm in a state when I know every factual detail about him, but I don't have any kind of feelings towards him. Not hate, nor love, nor warm and fuzzy feelings of friendship, nothing.... Its just blank...

If your friend advice you to forget about him means for you to be open to a new people, then that makes more sense.

For 20, from the day one when I heard his voice over the phone, I was closed for anybody else but him. I felt closed for new and people I used to know,
I felt like he is "enough", like he is everything for me, like he is the reason, cause.... I felt like he is my everything...

I used to wrote, I felt like the only important thing in life is being with him, and life felt like a labyrinth and other people are obstacles that are taking me away from him.

I was so closed for other people in every possible way, and I would get so annoyed not even triggered, just annoyed, when somebody would say "there are other people out there for me"....

Yuck, I know how how closed I was. I was wrong. It is obvious that I was placing all that should be placed on ME on him (attention, time, love, worth...)

I'm sure you are not making my mistakes, I'm just stating how I was.

And it took 20 years for me to see how wrong I was.

What did happen to make me realize this? It is hard to say, maybe it was just divine time for me to reset.
It was just that time when I (besides self-analyzing and inner-work) was kind fed up of Ester Hicks (who is wonderful and extremely helpful) talked about that there are lots of cooperative components for each of us, since she was 24/7 with her beloved Jerry for years till the day he died.
Then I just hopped to Teal Swan's teachings and it all clicked. Teal was the first person whose words that there are in fact lots of cooperative components for each of us sounded like a truth.

While doing "shadow work" digging deep down inside of me, I realized that I want to have a real relationships where I feel safe and loved. I didn't want to be little girl tiptoeing around my parents and grandparents trying to get them to notice and see real me, to acknowledge me.

I, before I met him, was a lonely, gloomy, moody, but also goofy, silly person, naive, full of hopes, dreamer, open to new possibilities.
I, before I met him, was living in the moment (even though I didn't know the meaning of that statement back then), I was unconditionally present in the moment back then, when studying I would study, when being around friends I would be with them with all my attention and my hearth.

I, after I met him, was all about him. I was about him. I used to define myself by my relationship (or lack of it) with him. Everything was about him. I was consumed by thoughts, emotions and feelings about him.

I, after I met him, was starting to see everything and everybody like a waste of my time since I'm not with him at that moment. My "reasoning" used to be "would this person or this event, or this thing I should do" lead me to be with him, or closer to him. And the answer was mostly, no. Then I would be slacking off the time I would spend with those people.

For example, spending time with my friends who didn't know him, felt like a chore, like a waste of my precious moments I wanted to spend with him.
However, time spent with my new friend who were his friend too, I saw like a investment into being closer to him, and turned everything to be about him, for them to talk about him and me to absorb and analyze it

Yuck, again.

I was closed for any kind of not just "romantic notion" or relationship, but for any kind of contact with men, since I didn't care of anybody besides him. I didn't believe that there could be a man for me, besides him. I couldn't think of anybody, I couldn't even play with the thought that there are interesting men out there for me...

I before I met him, was full of hopes and I saw the world as a place full of wonderful people I might be connected with.

I after met him, was seeing just him and world of obstacles that divides us, and nothing more...

It took lot of time, and work but eventually I started to wanting to remember who I was before I met him, started to ask for reset and then deciding upon the reset.

There are many cooperative components for everybody out there, I know that now
(even though I haven manifested anybody new yet since I'm not there yet) I don't need physical manifestation to prove that there are lots of cooperative components for everyone.

I know you are not making my mistakes, I wrote this just to share where I was and how I see things now.

Anne exactly.

Clueless... wow. Posts like yours are the reason I have questioned this tf stuff up and down and wonder sometimes if it is really a positive thing. It can take away years of your life. I definitely think that you are doing the right thing. After what he did to you, if you still had loving feelings toward him, I would think there was really something wrong with you

But it's also great that you have been able to let go of the negative emotions and not harbor any resentment or hate towards him. You are in the best possible place now I think you could be.

I agree with everyone that said it is unhealthy to wait around for someone. What I am doing now is getting to know my twin on a deeper level than I did before, now that he is more open and not holding back in ways that he did when he was married. But I try to stay detached to him and the outcome. And who knows if I'll continue to want a relationship with him as I get to know him deeper.

ssdm1, that is great that you are able to remain friends with your twin. I don't think I could handle remaining friends under certain circumstances but our "friendship" has also crossed all the boundaries a friendship should. So maybe keeping the friendship boundaries helps? Even still, I'm not sure I could be just friends with my twin. What do you do with an attraction that strong? I think I would just have to end it...
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Old 04-09-2019, 11:05 PM
clueless clueless is offline
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 135
thank you so much
Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I'm caught up
I don't know what to do
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Old 05-09-2019, 04:51 PM
Evangeline 77 Evangeline 77 is offline
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 31
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it means nobody else liked them. Set them free again.

This is my theory, worked well so far.
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Old 05-09-2019, 06:45 PM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,953
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I don't think it quite works the way described in the OP.
I think that scenario happens when neither party learnt from the earlier experience, evolved and grew, AND moved on.
If it is to work out the 2nd time around both will need to have learnt, grown, evolved, and have moved on while apart.
If one keeps waiting, even if only in the back of their mind, they're not evolving, they're standing still or going backwards even. If the other then comes back and both feel (initial) attraction it means the other didn't grow either. Meaning they are a perfect match in their mismatch, and likely nothing has changed and the same reason that broke them apart first time will do it again now.

I know one couple -dunno if they're TFs- who successfully got back together. But they both had changed, learnt from it all and after a year of separation, lots of talking and so on, they wholeheartedly chose to be together again. They got married for the 2nd time a few months back and are totally happy.
I talked to her about it as at the time she got back together with him my TF broke up with me. And she said "Neither of us was the same X and Y anymore, otherwise it wouldn't have worked."
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Old 07-09-2019, 04:44 PM
Ziusudra Ziusudra is offline
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 892
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Originally Posted by Evangeline 77
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it means nobody else liked them. Set them free again.

This is my theory, worked well so far.

This is hilarious !!!
Once the confusion, anger, sadness, fears, and negative feelings are dealt with, one has to find comical aspects of these connections.
And you just nailed it!!
"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore". - Andre Gide
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