Will a mean-spirited person change through kindness?

[Tanemon]

Or does a nasty person who is inconsiderate, socially destructive, and jeering have to feel the effects of mean-spirited behaviour to comprehend his/her damaging habits & actions?

Must he or she feel harmed in order to “get the message” and become compassionate, then start to change? Can kind behaviour, by itself, toward a despicable individual bring about change?

How do you see it?

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by Tanemon

Or does a nasty person who is inconsiderate, socially destructive, and jeering have to feel the effects of mean-spirited behaviour to comprehend his/her damaging habits & actions?

Must he or she feel harmed in order to “get the message” and become compassionate, then start to change? Can kind behaviour, by itself, toward a despicable individual bring about change?

How do you see it?

More than likely, and this is just from my experiences with others, those who are mean-spirited have leaned it from their life, and have been through that pain. They are wounded themselves. This wounding most times stems from their parents/family. Involving a lack of feeling loved and cared for.

So for total change for them, needs to stem from total surrender into self love of themselves. Those who are mean spirited are probably lacking in the self esteem department, and are lashing out at others because of it. Trying to get them to feel the pain, and way that they do. Trying to take them down with them.

[Tomma]

Originally Posted by Tanemon

Or does a nasty person who is inconsiderate, socially destructive, and jeering have to feel the effects of mean-spirited behaviour to comprehend his/her damaging habits & actions?

Must he or she feel harmed in order to “get the message” and become compassionate, then start to change? Can kind behaviour, by itself, toward a despicable individual bring about change?

How do you see it?

I think change only comes through awareness and understanding. If kindness leads to more awareness then, yes kindness can lead to change. A mean-spirited person doesn't necessarily have to suffer harm themselves, becoming aware would be enough to change, but in practice some kind of "unfortunate" or painful event often leads to self questioning and deeper insight. Kindness can help in the process but the mean person has to be receptive and open for it to be effective. It's not a one way road.

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by Tanemon

Or does a nasty person who is inconsiderate, socially destructive, and jeering have to feel the effects of mean-spirited behaviour to comprehend his/her damaging habits & actions?

Must he or she feel harmed in order to “get the message” and become compassionate, then start to change? Can kind behaviour, by itself, toward a despicable individual bring about change?

How do you see it?

Tanemon - I believe people have the innate ability to change their outlook and get on a different type of life path. Sometimes, like what Innerlight said about family conditioning, cognitive therapy is helpful.

I've never been a nasty person, but coming out of my family I was defensive and negative. It took meeting my spouse and being exposed to a healthy, positive family that made me see the error of my ways. It took some time, but I changed for the most part. Just have to be cautious wen back around my family because it's easy to fall back into old ways.

[lazydullard]

I've seen mean people get treated meanly, and it only locks them in. I think kindness does help mean people become less mean. I haven't 'saved' anyone with kindness, though, so it probably doesn't get through to some mean people.

Some mean people can be helped with kindness, but most cannot. Most need to learn to respect boundaries, and this only comes through interaction with a powerful enough authority. If your mean person doesn't break the law when being mean, I doubt they'll change their ways because they'll never be shown the consequences of their actions.

I'd recommend being kind, because otherwise you make yourself a target.

[blackraven]

Originally Posted by lazydullard

I'd recommend being kind, because otherwise you make yourself a target.

So true, lazydullard, so true!

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by lazydullard

I've seen mean people get treated meanly, and it only locks them in. I think kindness does help mean people become less mean. I haven't 'saved' anyone with kindness, though, so it probably doesn't get through to some mean people.

Some mean people can be helped with kindness, but most cannot. Most need to learn to respect boundaries, and this only comes through interaction with a powerful enough authority. If your mean person doesn't break the law when being mean, I doubt they'll change their ways because they'll never be shown the consequences of their actions.

I'd recommend being kind, because otherwise you make yourself a target.

Sadly we can't save anyone. We can lead through example and show a better way, and perhaps they may follow suit and follow a different path.



But it's not always the case. There was a girl I dated, as far as I knew, she was in a bad way in life. Bad relationship. Etc. Always saying how she hated that this, and that was done to her. I came around and had that kindness and compassion for her. And she would just turn around and do everything she claimed she hated, to me. Some people just enjoy being the victim. And love the attention of it. No matter how bad it appears to be for them. Perhaps it's all they see, and that's all they choose to be.



Like Tomma said, it does take a certain level of awareness to make changes like that. Usually the result of a great loss of some kind. A sharp pain. But not always. Some enjoy their own misery and wallowing. Which begs the question on whether or not people truly can change. Or if they just pretend. Some, are excellent con artists.



Some.. A small percentage will truly change for the better. Once they reach a level to do so. Kindness can go far in helping them.. But at the same time. It can be taken for granted, and a kind person can be drug down to hell with a mean-spirited person.

[Native spirit]

What innerlight says resonates with me.i know through Experience that some people who have a destructive manner with others.is because of the experiences they have been through themselves. its a form of protection.the only way to help that person is to listen.and I mean listen not just hearing what they say. only when you have gained their trust and they are ready,can the Healing truly begin.once the Healing process has begun can you see a change in that person,

Namaste

[theophilus]

Some will respond positively to kindness, others will not. It all depends on the individual.

[jojo50]

Originally Posted by Tanemon

Or does a nasty person who is inconsiderate, socially destructive, and jeering have to feel the effects of mean-spirited behaviour to comprehend his/her damaging habits & actions?

Must he or she feel harmed in order to “get the message” and become compassionate, then start to change? Can kind behaviour, by itself, toward a despicable individual bring about change? How do you see it?

we're ALL imperfect humans, even a naturally kind-hearted person can show negative emotions or have a mean spirit. ANYONE can change, if we put ourselves in check. some refuse to see their bad faults, they take offence, instead of being humble and admitting their faults. but the ONLY way one can change is to read Jehovah God words, (2Tim. 3:16 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right). and then practice trying to follow Jesus steps ,(1Pet.2:21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps). peace