Spiritual awakening and isolating from society

[PhoenixRosa]

Originally Posted by Deerheart

First of all, I'm sorry if this text will be long. I don't really have any question here, I just need to write this all down and share it with someone. I wish someone would comment about these thoughts of mine, maybe tell if you have similar experiences and how have you survived with them? Some advices?

And I'm also sorry for my possibly bad english, I'm from Finland.

So, I believe my spiritual awakening started in year 2012. I learned meditation for relaxing and then I found this whole spirituality thing and I was taught about it by one person who talks about these things. Everything was fantastic. I felt a connection with nature and its animals. I felt like I have a part to play in this life, in this world, and it will come clear to me. I managed to contact spirit guides and even had small messages from them in dreams.

But things have changed after that.

I have noticed that the world hasn't changed. I still have to find myself a job and run after money even though I wouldn't like to. I still have to live in a society and follow its rules. I still have my duties that someone else has put on me. I feel that I can choose hardly anything about my life. When I was younger people kept on repeating that I have all the options and time in the world and that I can create my life to be whatever I want it to be. But now I see it was a lie.

I've heard that spiritual awakening is something that happens inside us, that it doesn't change the outer world. This seems true to me now but it feels so bad. I don't understand why I ever awakened or is there something important that I have just missed? Today it's difficult to contact my spirit guides and I feel that they've stopped giving me answers. I sometimes feel them near me and they send calming energy but I still don't get any answers. I've heard that they don't tell us what to do with our lives but I have asked them to even give me some options, what they think that I could be good at, where could I go to. But no answer.

What I'm most worried now is if I'm going crazy. I feel like I've started to isolate from the society and this world. I just hate everything that is there outside my window. Well, the nature is fine because it doesn't expect anything from me. But I wouldn't like to "join the people" and go to work as working life is so hard here and people are often cruel. I can't decide anything about my job, someone else tells me what times should I work and everything. And I can't start my own business because I have no ideas what to do. I hate how everything in this world runs around money and how people brag about their perfect lives that are just like in schoolbooks. And they expect everyone to live in the same way than they do. I hate how superficial most of the people are. And I hate the fact that there are bad things in this world. I hate how unfair life is. I think everything comes back to money and I hate money. But of course I know the good sides of money and society, living would be hard also without them, maybe even harder than now...

My problem is: I can't accept this reality.

I'm becoming cynical and negative. And I'm tired of trying to be positive because it feels like pretending and lying.

I've been in different therapies for years until I finally stopped them this year. I felt like there was not a single therapist who would have understood me really. I've had diagnosis such as depression, social phobia and anxiety but none of these has ever made complete sense to me. I felt like the therapists saw problems in me where I didn't see. They thought it was weird that I enjoy mostly being alone but I have always been like that. I think I should have been diagnosed with something like "existential crisis" but it's probably not a scientific term of psychiatry. I always felt that the therapists just wanted to make me become a normal person of society. They didn't care about my inner conflicts with this world, they just explained that "it all will get better when you start living normally (have a job, get some friends, get a family...)" But I'm just not interested in this kind of normal life. I often wish there was some spiritual therapy out there instead of these schoolbook therapies.

I'm a dreamer and I often spend time in my head, in fantasy worlds. Somehow I wish I was allowed to sink in my fantasies and that someone would come and tell me that I don't need to participate in this real world, that I don't need to do anything that I don't want to. I often wish I could go to the angels, to finally meet my guides face to face, to live in limitless love where everything would be easy and safe (I believe this happens after death). But I don't want to die because I don't want to cause that pain for my family. And of course I'm uncertain: what if I'm believing in something that is not even real? If there is nothing after death?

Sometimes I think that I just let go of this spiritual stuff and focus on real life but it feels so bad and I always return to beg for answers from spirits.

I hope someone understands something of what I'm trying to explain. I know my thoughts don't always flow in a clear line. But at least writing this all down helped me a bit.

I understand where you are coming from. My spiritual awakening started in my early childhood being neglected by my parents, never receiving hugs or positivity and never being taught anything except negativity. Being interested in spiritual things was an escape for me and I became an avid reader. I also slowly started to awaken and seeing the world we live in. I will be brutally honest with you: I don't like what the world has become at all, the destruction of the planet, the hurt we inflict on others or hurt that has been or is inflicted on us.But here is the thing, you can't change the world or people for that matter. Having said that, you CAN do what makes you feel good. I feel good when I meditate, do some yoga/tai chi, or read spiritual books or you tube video's. It all helps me in becoming more aware or myself and how to deal with the exact issue you wrote about. I have been on quests for spirit guides, dabbled with witchcraft, druidism, you name it I have spend a whopping amount trying to find myself, and here is what I found: I found that in my spiritual awakening, not to have expectations that the world will change or the people around me. I do my bit for the planet as best I can on a low income. What helped me in my journey was not to get involved with 'mainstream' spirituality. Books are full of contacting spirit guides, spells, exercises to 'change' your life, crystals with healing powers, tarot, oracles, everything you can think of to 'find answers'.

Due to my past I have been in therapy all my life and still am. Never once though did I expect to be fixed or healed. That is not up to therapists. For me they are people who give guidelines on how to deal with things. Exactly the same what the spiritual world does, with the difference that it is a look into 'another world'. I use both worlds for my well-being. This world puts labels on people because that is how the world works. I have been labeled with HSP/ADD and I am at times incapable of performing the most simple tasks because at the moment I do need to do them I panic, because I have not been 'taught, in childhood how to do certain things. I have accepted who I am and have embraced certain gifts I have in the spiritual field. Due to my sensitivity I don't have many friends, I struggle in large groups or a market because I absorb the energy from people around me. I don't feel their emotions, but their energy finds it's way into my system and knocks me off my feet. I spend 90% of my time alone in this world and it is a lonely path at times, but I need it to recharge. I am blessed to be honest. I am on a disability allowance so I don't really need to do anything I don't want, but before that, I worked 40/60 hours a week, got into relationships that were not good for me and it resulted in having such a burnout I spend two years in bed unable to function at all. Combined with Lupus/Fibromylagia ( with al all issues with inflicted trauma), I had no other choice then to go within. I am now after many years single, I have my own little house with a garden and good neighbours. I am dedicating my life to ME, and yes, the few friends I have, I will always be there for them, but I refuse to do anything that is not good for me. My quest in life is, and has to be loving myself, working on myself. The outside world will be what it is. Hang in there. Read, investigate what resonates with you. Focus and you and what is important to you.

Every morning I do a Abraham hicks morning meditation( I can't post links yet)
In the evening I do Cosmic love letter by Matt Khan. I also really love Deepak Chopra's 21 day challenge meditation

When I struggle I repeat this quote:

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Don't give up. You are stronger then you think you are

Originally Posted by Deerheart

First of all, I'm sorry if this text will be long. I don't really have any question here, I just need to write this all down and share it with someone. I wish someone would comment about these thoughts of mine, maybe tell if you have similar experiences and how have you survived with them? Some advices?

And I'm also sorry for my possibly bad english, I'm from Finland.

So, I believe my spiritual awakening started in year 2012. I learned meditation for relaxing and then I found this whole spirituality thing and I was taught about it by one person who talks about these things. Everything was fantastic. I felt a connection with nature and its animals. I felt like I have a part to play in this life, in this world, and it will come clear to me. I managed to contact spirit guides and even had small messages from them in dreams.

But things have changed after that.

I have noticed that the world hasn't changed. I still have to find myself a job and run after money even though I wouldn't like to. I still have to live in a society and follow its rules. I still have my duties that someone else has put on me. I feel that I can choose hardly anything about my life. When I was younger people kept on repeating that I have all the options and time in the world and that I can create my life to be whatever I want it to be. But now I see it was a lie.

I've heard that spiritual awakening is something that happens inside us, that it doesn't change the outer world. This seems true to me now but it feels so bad. I don't understand why I ever awakened or is there something important that I have just missed? Today it's difficult to contact my spirit guides and I feel that they've stopped giving me answers. I sometimes feel them near me and they send calming energy but I still don't get any answers. I've heard that they don't tell us what to do with our lives but I have asked them to even give me some options, what they think that I could be good at, where could I go to. But no answer.

What I'm most worried now is if I'm going crazy. I feel like I've started to isolate from the society and this world. I just hate everything that is there outside my window. Well, the nature is fine because it doesn't expect anything from me. But I wouldn't like to "join the people" and go to work as working life is so hard here and people are often cruel. I can't decide anything about my job, someone else tells me what times should I work and everything. And I can't start my own business because I have no ideas what to do. I hate how everything in this world runs around money and how people brag about their perfect lives that are just like in schoolbooks. And they expect everyone to live in the same way than they do. I hate how superficial most of the people are. And I hate the fact that there are bad things in this world. I hate how unfair life is. I think everything comes back to money and I hate money. But of course I know the good sides of money and society, living would be hard also without them, maybe even harder than now...

My problem is: I can't accept this reality.

I'm becoming cynical and negative. And I'm tired of trying to be positive because it feels like pretending and lying.

I've been in different therapies for years until I finally stopped them this year. I felt like there was not a single therapist who would have understood me really. I've had diagnosis such as depression, social phobia and anxiety but none of these has ever made complete sense to me. I felt like the therapists saw problems in me where I didn't see. They thought it was weird that I enjoy mostly being alone but I have always been like that. I think I should have been diagnosed with something like "existential crisis" but it's probably not a scientific term of psychiatry. I always felt that the therapists just wanted to make me become a normal person of society. They didn't care about my inner conflicts with this world, they just explained that "it all will get better when you start living normally (have a job, get some friends, get a family...)" But I'm just not interested in this kind of normal life. I often wish there was some spiritual therapy out there instead of these schoolbook therapies.

I'm a dreamer and I often spend time in my head, in fantasy worlds. Somehow I wish I was allowed to sink in my fantasies and that someone would come and tell me that I don't need to participate in this real world, that I don't need to do anything that I don't want to. I often wish I could go to the angels, to finally meet my guides face to face, to live in limitless love where everything would be easy and safe (I believe this happens after death). But I don't want to die because I don't want to cause that pain for my family. And of course I'm uncertain: what if I'm believing in something that is not even real? If there is nothing after death?

Sometimes I think that I just let go of this spiritual stuff and focus on real life but it feels so bad and I always return to beg for answers from spirits.

I hope someone understands something of what I'm trying to explain. I know my thoughts don't always flow in a clear line. But at least writing this all down helped me a bit.

deerheart,you don't have to do anything you don't want to.Also nobody knows truly what happens when we die, but believing there is something there gives us much comfort.
You have family that you feel for otherwise you wouldn't care about the pain they would feel.Life can be a burden for us all what with the monotony etc,but we have to just get on with it as best we can.
The spiritual stuff will always be there weather you think about it or not,circumstances will lead you onto the right path.
Just enjoy life itself,go out into the country and look around you and marvel.We are all on a path of survival but many of us don't appreciate what is there for free,life itself.
Your journey is full of ups and downs as it is for all of us,(Believe me,I know,lol.)My advice,just go with the flow,life has a funny wat of eventually making everything ok.

Originally Posted by Hilary

Greenslade -

So you do believe in some form of the law of attraction? Just not the way it's usually presented? How would you affect change in your world (how would you harmonize with your frequencies, as I think you were saying)?

Not at all, Hilary. I think it was Bashar who said you can't attract anything anyway, unless it's - as he put it "commensurate with your Higher Self." So what's happening is you've made these Life's Purpose/Karmic Agreements and your Higher Self keeps you on track. So while you're doing all the rituals to attract wealth your Higher Self knows that if you do win the lottery, you'd be tearing up your contract and you'd have to reincarnate. Yes LOA does work but that's if it doesn't interfere too much with the job - like your experience in the supermarket. That was really nice, it made you feel better but it's not a major diversion.

Where this goes squirly is in our perception of time being linear, but to your Higher Self you've already arrived at your destination. Bashar said that a successful LOA is you intuiting what was coming to you anyway, and in another perception of time you already have it.

The best way to harmonise with your own frequencies is to accept yourself as you are. I'm only using this as an example, but your affirmations to be Loved and desired tells me you don't accept yourself and you're at odds with yourself. That's not very harmonious and I dare say the Universe around you reflects that - you're at odds with the world around you. Consequently, in your perception the world doesn't like you very much - it doesn't Love you. When you made your affirmations you changed your frequencies slightly, the Universe responded in kind or came into harmony with you and you had your experience.

You are uniquely 'designed' to be you, to have the experiences you're having right now. Be at peace with yourself and accept yourself as you are, warts-and-all, because I think if you weren't you you'd Love you anyway.

Try this. Sit yourself down, do candles, music and anything else to put you in the zone. Now ask yourself one question - "If I had never existed, how different would this Universe be?" If that's too much, ask yourself what is happening within this conversation and remember that if you weren't you it wouldn't be happening. Nothing happens TO you, everything happens BECAUSE of you - if you weren't here nothing that happens to you would be happening.

[Hilary]

Originally Posted by Greenslade

Not at all, Hilary. I think it was Bashar who said you can't attract anything anyway, unless it's - as he put it "commensurate with your Higher Self." So what's happening is you've made these Life's Purpose/Karmic Agreements and your Higher Self keeps you on track. So while you're doing all the rituals to attract wealth your Higher Self knows that if you do win the lottery, you'd be tearing up your contract and you'd have to reincarnate. Yes LOA does work but that's if it doesn't interfere too much with the job - like your experience in the supermarket. That was really nice, it made you feel better but it's not a major diversion.

Where this goes squirly is in our perception of time being linear, but to your Higher Self you've already arrived at your destination. Bashar said that a successful LOA is you intuiting what was coming to you anyway, and in another perception of time you already have it.

The best way to harmonise with your own frequencies is to accept yourself as you are. I'm only using this as an example, but your affirmations to be Loved and desired tells me you don't accept yourself and you're at odds with yourself. That's not very harmonious and I dare say the Universe around you reflects that - you're at odds with the world around you. Consequently, in your perception the world doesn't like you very much - it doesn't Love you. When you made your affirmations you changed your frequencies slightly, the Universe responded in kind or came into harmony with you and you had your experience.

You are uniquely 'designed' to be you, to have the experiences you're having right now. Be at peace with yourself and accept yourself as you are, warts-and-all, because I think if you weren't you you'd Love you anyway.

Try this. Sit yourself down, do candles, music and anything else to put you in the zone. Now ask yourself one question - "If I had never existed, how different would this Universe be?" If that's too much, ask yourself what is happening within this conversation and remember that if you weren't you it wouldn't be happening. Nothing happens TO you, everything happens BECAUSE of you - if you weren't here nothing that happens to you would be happening.

Interesting concepts. I'm not sure if we're really limited like that. I believe that we are all deserving of chasing our dreams and finding our happiness - and no soul contract is going to tie me down.

What you say about time makes sense to me.

Absolutely agree with accepting as we are, I think this is key to LoA. Before we can really raise our frequency, we have to accept.

Yes, I felt a bit down lately. Went through a breakup and basically, trying to build myself back up. It's working. I have gotten myself to a healthy frame of mind/perspective regarding previous relationship, and honestly? I am feeling better and better about this every day. It has pushed me to work on myself, to get back into long distance running, eating healthy, etc. And also to clarify to myself what I really want. I feel good.

I like your exercise, may consider it.

Thanks for the response.

[Yunoschut]

I feel pretty much the same like you, Deerheart. I often contemplate rules of human life and how every theory about it is uncertain. Are we all an almighty God pranking ourselves and pretending that we are some little creature shaped by forces beyond our control? Is this life a school? Or Prison? Or food farm for some aliens feeding on our emotions? Anything could be true or false, because we have no idea how it goes in higher dimensions with our human understanding. Maybe after death we can get some satisfactory answer to all this. My only way of accepting this reality and dealing with my OCD is that I believe the first option is true (we are God playing with ourselves). I highly recommend you to listen to some Alan Watts speeches about this. It really helped me not to take life seriously (even though I still sometimes struggle with negative way of thinking), because to be completely honest, taking life seriously makes me want to kill myself. I also recommend you to read a book from Neale Donald Walsch - Conversations With God. Cheers mate!

Originally Posted by Hilary

Interesting concepts. I'm not sure if we're really limited like that. I believe that we are all deserving of chasing our dreams and finding our happiness - and no soul contract is going to tie me down.

What you say about time makes sense to me.

Absolutely agree with accepting as we are, I think this is key to LoA. Before we can really raise our frequency, we have to accept.

Yes, I felt a bit down lately. Went through a breakup and basically, trying to build myself back up. It's working. I have gotten myself to a healthy frame of mind/perspective regarding previous relationship, and honestly? I am feeling better and better about this every day. It has pushed me to work on myself, to get back into long distance running, eating healthy, etc. And also to clarify to myself what I really want. I feel good.

I like your exercise, may consider it.

Thanks for the response.

A Soul Contract only ties you down when you want to think it does, and if you're going down the freedom road you have less than you think you do. Your Soul Co0ntract is not a limit but your Path to greatness - which ties in with that little exercise I suggested. You are your Soul Contract and you - as Spirit - already decided it was going to benefit you in some way.

At least you've taken a wider perspective over your break-up so brownie points in your favour. If you're going to be a little more Spiritual this is karma in operation - karma being cause and effect. Now your frame of mind is getting better every day but that's an effect caused by your break-up, and it wouldn't surprise me top think that the person who broke up with you has a Soul Contract with you in order to make what's happening now happen. Quite a few realisations there if you want them.

Doing that little exercise is pretty powerful stuff, if you do it right. It puts so much into perspective.

[Hilary]

Originally Posted by Greenslade

A Soul Contract only ties you down when you want to think it does, and if you're going down the freedom road you have less than you think you do. Your Soul Co0ntract is not a limit but your Path to greatness - which ties in with that little exercise I suggested. You are your Soul Contract and you - as Spirit - already decided it was going to benefit you in some way.

At least you've taken a wider perspective over your break-up so brownie points in your favour. If you're going to be a little more Spiritual this is karma in operation - karma being cause and effect. Now your frame of mind is getting better every day but that's an effect caused by your break-up, and it wouldn't surprise me top think that the person who broke up with you has a Soul Contract with you in order to make what's happening now happen. Quite a few realisations there if you want them.

Doing that little exercise is pretty powerful stuff, if you do it right. It puts so much into perspective.

Like your post. I just want to say. If I do have a soul contract, it certainly doesn't cage me. I spent 12 years in a marriage (I got married at 18) that was toxic. I was isolated from my family and friends, from the world. Nothing could convince me to go back to a cage. It would be like putting shoes on again the next day, after the previous day they gave you blisters from being too small. I only do something if it flows with my spirit. Anything that feels like it's not in authenticity with myself, does not happen. And there aren't many carrots on a stick that would work on me, either.

I think I know what you're going to say. That this is all part of my soul contract. And if that's the case, so be it!

Deerheart

Now that you have changed your perspective (i.e. awakening)
and you find a perspective of hate, you can also look from
different perspectives (i.e. understanding, compassion, Love etc. etc.)
The learning goes on and on and on.Welcome the adventure.
Many things can be true at the same time.

[Miss Hepburn]

Originally Posted by ImthatIm

Deerheart
Now that you have changed your perspective (i.e. awakening)
and you find a perspective of hate....

I haven't been keeping up, but saw this.
I said, "Uh-oh, Saturn Cycle!" Went to the public info on Deerheart ...yup 27.

And it begins...leading right into the 28th year.
6 months before and 6 months after ---watch out, my friend!
"It's gonna be a bumpy ride."

Originally Posted by Hilary

Like your post. I just want to say. If I do have a soul contract, it certainly doesn't cage me. I spent 12 years in a marriage (I got married at 18) that was toxic. I was isolated from my family and friends, from the world. Nothing could convince me to go back to a cage. It would be like putting shoes on again the next day, after the previous day they gave you blisters from being too small. I only do something if it flows with my spirit. Anything that feels like it's not in authenticity with myself, does not happen. And there aren't many carrots on a stick that would work on me, either.

I think I know what you're going to say. That this is all part of my soul contract. And if that's the case, so be it!

Here's the thing that so many Spiritual people miss. Your reality is defined by your perceptions, your perceptions are defined by your beliefs and your beliefs are defined by your definitions. You defined your marriage as 'toxic' so in your reality, 'toxic' is just what it was to you. Welcome to the creation of your own reality. How does that fit in with "We are here to learn the lessons?" If you believe in that, of course. How you experience that particular aspect of your Life stems from that definition and everything is perceived from that context. And before you say anything, no I can't understand because I'm not a woman and I've never had that experience. What I have done, though, is spent a lot of time putting Mrs G back together after her previous 'toxic' marriage.

Change the word, change the paradigm. You touched on something similar earlier in the thread when you were talking about changing perceptions of what was happening. So instead of it being a 'toxic' marriage - which implies you have a lot of baggage there - how about asking what you can gain/have gained from it? What you're dealing with now is not the marriage itself but the memories of your perceptions, and with respect that's not a good basis for a discussion on Soul Contracts.

You are the answer looking for the question, you are your Soul Contract.