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Welcome to Spiritual Forums!.
We created this community for people from all backgrounds to discuss Spiritual, Paranormal, Metaphysical, Philosophical, Supernatural, and Esoteric subjects. From Astral Projection to Zen, all topics are welcome. We hope you enjoy your visits.
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18-09-2018, 09:27 PM
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Guide
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 468
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not leaving him... just...
Hello SF community.
I had asked my previous post on the topic to be removed because my TF's behavior indicated that he had read it and the content had hurt him, but also, mainly, because it contained some thoughts I was not proud of. If my TF is reading this, now, I am happy, because this is the only thing I want to say. My intention is not to hurt him or place blame on him. It is just to share some thoughts that will motivate me to work harder towards the achievement of my goals and dreams -and these dreams simply do not include him anymore.
There is only one truth in this: my love for him was just awesome and for that, he is still my TF. It was not so the intensity as the sweetness of it that had really made me happy. It felt just peaceful, right. Not much needed to be said between us, because we simply knew each other so well. But even the greatest of love cannot be sustained without effort and mutuality. He said he loved me, but his words and actions indicated otherwise -he systematically neglected me, lied to me, sought me after only to put me back in a place of distance later. I loved him sweetly enough to not doubt him -and that was a feat on its own right. But no amount of love can justify this treatment.
Theoretically speaking, this could last forever, him pulling and pushing, me loving and staying -some will say that if he were TF, it would definitely last forever. But in this love, I first saw my own human and flawed perfection, and the real reason that this could not last forever is that I cannot see my perfection anymore -and I miss that. I actually miss that feeling more than I miss him, because well, it is pretty obvious right now that this is not the person who let me see into my soul. To be fair, I do not know if him being honest, more present, more supportive could have changed that outcome. I guess that I will never be able to answer this question.
This was the greatest growth period I have ever experienced but I think its cycle has ended. In its course, my work has found its calling, and I have reached standards of excellence that I never thought possible. My intellectual endeavors are finding their rightful place in my heart and mind and the world, and a great opportunity is rising in the future. Most importantly, I realized that I deserve just as much credit as I give others, I deserve respect, success, and happiness. I deserve a family, children, and a loving partner.
For a while -and I think this is the biggest lesson that I learned and one I want to share with the SF community -I thought that admitting that the relationship was not meant to last, would somehow 'degrade' the growth that took place within it. Now, I know that insisting it could last was the real danger to my spiritual development, and I realized the true meaning of TFs being just that, simply catalysts. He sparked something but he let go almost instantly. What I did with the spark was God's gift to me. Not TF's. And that thought was liberating.
Long story short, I am not leaving TF... I am just going after the better things in life and my own calling... Wish me luck!
PS: I will still read posts here, I will still try to help, when I can... but I will be frequenting more the other sections from now on
__________________
"Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar", Antonio Machado
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18-09-2018, 11:47 PM
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Ascender
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 978
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Quote:
Originally Posted by selene
....
This was the greatest growth period I have ever experienced but I think its cycle has ended. In its course, my work has found its calling, and I have reached standards of excellence that I never thought possible. My intellectual endeavors are finding their rightful place in my heart and mind and the world, and a great opportunity is rising in the future. Most importantly, I realized that I deserve just as much credit as I give others, I deserve respect, success, and happiness. I deserve a family, children, and a loving partner.
For a while -and I think this is the biggest lesson that I learned and one I want to share with the SF community -I thought that admitting that the relationship was not meant to last, would somehow 'degrade' the growth that took place within it. Now, I know that insisting it could last was the real danger to my spiritual development, and I realized the true meaning of TFs being just that, simply catalysts. He sparked something but he let go almost instantly. What I did with the spark was God's gift to me. Not TF's. And that thought was liberating.
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Great actualization, insight, and actions based on understanding of love both self and outward.
Best of wishes to both you and your TF.
You are always and already where you supposed to be..... in this connection. So never doubt, blame, nor regret.
__________________
"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore". - Andre Gide
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20-09-2018, 03:56 PM
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Guide
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 468
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ziusudra
Great actualization, insight, and actions based on understanding of love both self and outward.
Best of wishes to both you and your TF.
You are always and already where you supposed to be..... in this connection. So never doubt, blame, nor regret.
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thank you for these words Ziusudra, they mean a lot
__________________
"Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar", Antonio Machado
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