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It's not always so clear-cut.
Let's say you are A and the other is B. The main thing is that you may feel you failed at something in a prior life, because you were not able to freely be with him or her...let's say you died young whilst trying to get free of a horrid marriage where you'd been abandoned by person C. In this lifetime, person B could give a fig about you or your feelings. He or she may simply feel furious, betrayed, and vindictive toward you on some deep, almost unconscious level (almost, but not quite) because he or she felt abandoned and betrayed by your untimely death. B may pointedly treat you poorly and may not have forgiven you yet...and so any interaction with B will cause you extreme pain because B cannot interact with you naturally in a personal and/or kind manner. Even if you consciously try to resolve karma from this prior sad situation, if B cannot befriend you honestly or treat you decently, then your attempts at friendship ultimately are fruitless. Sooner or later you must move on for your own well-being.
Also, even when yet another betrayed you in that same lifetime, you still may end up owing them (so to speak) and doing for them in this lifetime. Let's say he or she is person C...and let's say they were arrogant and uncaring and abandoned you in an arranged but binding marriage. Let's say you were trying to get legally and spiritually get shod of C to be with B, but you died first. Interestingly, let's say C suffered at your death, albeit mostly due to C's own private guilt at his or her repeated infidelity and cruelty. Then -- for whatever reason, per agreement -- you actually end up feeling obliged to help out C in this lifetime, as well as reaching out to B. And all of this may be at the expense of your own need for kindness and basic decency.
That is, you may consciously help them out in some way, to resolve some karma. They likewise have exactly the same sort of opportunities to do for you and to help you out, in order to resolve their own karma toward you. However, because the situation sooner or later reveals itself to be a predominantly one-sided friendship or help or kindness offered in the case of either B or C, you (A) must move on for your own well-being.
It didn't need to be one-sided, of course, and it wasn't intended to be so, ever, for anyone. It wasn't ever "agreed upon" to be a one-sided offering of friendship, love, and kindness -- in any lifetime, as there is never a reason any 2 ppl can't be friends and can't be kind to one another. It is likewise never the intention to perpetrate intentional suffering from one person to another due to prior lifetimes or for any other reason. It is always the intention to offer opportunities for mutual friendship, love, healing and reconciliation between souls. This is the truth I have received.
However person A may have experienced that the offering was one-sided in the current lifetime, because no true kindness and true friendship was offered in return to A by persons B or C. If they had offered true friendship, then all would have addressed their own karma, and mutual healing would occur as the result of a mutual and authentically loving friendship. Not via romantic or intimate relationships at all, necessarily, in this lifetime. It may be that these sticky situations seem like forbidden love in some sense because authentic love is there in spirit, and yet it is so conflicted in the waking world even if all parties are legally and emotionally available.
BUT to presume to a romantic or sexual relationship is a valid or meaningful start point for ANY authentically loving relationship (whether friend, neighbor, or partner) is fundamentally in error, IMO, and simply serves as misdirection in our lives and on our spiritual path. Romantic or sexual "love" is not the foundation or start point for ANY authentically loving relationship, regardless of person, place, or time.
Platonic love (agape) is the only foundation for authentic love of one another as persons, and platonic love is such a beautiful thing. Physical intimacy and passion can be integrated within the presence authentic love, but without authentic love, it's just shagging. Most importantly, agape and true friendship are the keys to healing, to engaging, to living authentically and fully, and to spiritual growth. It is likely to help most and do the least damage, IF sincerely offered. And it may well be that strictly platonic love is the only viable option between many, many parties whilst they are on planet earth healing and supporting one another from past trauma. Oddly, I find that it is far harder to find a truly loving friend than someone who fancies a shag with you, even long-term. And there is a vastly deeper truth to be had there.
However, in neither case described above were you, person A, truly loved or befriended in any manifest way in this lifetime by B or C, meaning with a personal and simple kindness in your day-to-day life. You did what you needed to do for them not because they deserved it but rather simply to address the call of your own conscience. If it was based on their kindness and their concern for you, then you'd not have lifted a finger. Now that you've moved mountains, your work there is done. Because for A to leave is a kindness to B and C. You prevent them accruing more karma due to your pain at their actions.
What I see thus far in my own life is that those soul connections closest to me who were not family or close same-sex friends primarily sought just to take from me, particularly emotionally and spiritually. The favour of true friendship and authentic love for me as a person and as a friend was ultimately not returned in kind in any way even remotely recogniseable to me.
For this reason, I have since come to view these connections with grave trepidation, suspicion and misgivings. They can and often will completely suck you dry if you allow it and if you do not set firm boundaries for your own well-being. I do still love them as people...as that bit seems to be automatic and built-in here...and I do still wish them all the best. But most of all, I am glad that I feel I have done my bit to help and to try to mend fences. And that I'm done with all of it under the current circumstances. If they were to say, I'm sorry I was such a right git and I'd like to be your friend, truly, and honour the person you are for a change...and just have a coffee sometime and talk...then that's a different story.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you cannot assume you did anything "wrong" or anything avoidable. Perhaps in a past lifetime, you were used by C and blamed by B for not continuing in the current situation. Perhaps everything about your situation was out of your control, until the point where you died in attempt to get some control and autonomy over your life. Or something similar...the details vary for everyone, but you get the point. Perhaps C felt guilty and B felt furious and hateful, then and now. And yet perhaps YOU are still the only one doing for them in this lifetime with any true engagement, authentic love, and sincerity -- whilst they refuse the opportunity to truly mend fences or establish a friendship of equals (based on spiritual and social parity for a change) and instead take opportunity to spit on you and grind your face in the muck, essentially.
Finish your work, wipe off your face, and then move on. And hold your head high.
Don't assume you did anything wrong, either in a past life or in this one. That's not the way it works.
What do I mean by that?
Everyone can choose react to any of these complicated life situations in ANY lifetime in one or two ways, broadly:
1) with love and forgiveness or
2) with not-love (fear, anger, hatred, cruelty, etc...) and not-forgiveness.
And everyone can choose to let go of bitterness, cruelty, and revenge from past hurts or past lifetimes, and come to a better place.
Everyone can choose an authentically loving friendship over something far more cruel, caustic, predatory, parasitic, and/or destructive.
Whether B or C ever said "I love you" or "I forgive you" to A at some time is not the main point. It's whether they have actually engaged with you, been there and treated you personally, face-to-face, with true kindness, friendship, and with authentic love on the ground in your day-to-day life. If not, do what you can, send love and blessings, and move on. Leave it with Source, with Spirit, with grace, and with all the guides.
Peace & blessings,
7L
__________________
Bound by conventions, people tend to reach for what is easy.
Here we must be unafraid of what is difficult.
For all living beings in nature must unfold in their particular way
and become themselves despite all opposition.
-- Rainer Maria Rilke
Last edited by 7luminaries : 12-09-2015 at 11:29 PM.
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