Should you Settle for Someone ?

Originally Posted by Ravenspirit

Yes, I think there can be. Being Mr Right, it doesn't mean he's perfect. But I believe that the person I am with should not only be someone I can talk to etc, but also turn me on. If they don't it's just not enough. I can do the rest of it with people who are just my friends. My man has to be a lot more than that. Him being a friend is important. Him having half a brain is too, if he want to keep up with me, grin, but he has to turn me on too. For the record my taste doesn't run to Adonis types. I like my men just a little tall, a little geeky, and well, a little quirky. My idea of gorgeous usually isn't the cover model types, though I don't discriminate if the guy also happens to be funny, smart, and turns me on. Usually if I like a guy he's an artist, a musician, an actor. I really tend to like creative, offbeat guys. I don't believe in settling for Mr Good Enough. Life is too short...

The trouble is that the Mr Right 100% on day 1 may turn out to be Mr Wrong 100% on day 366. You can spend a lifetime getting to know whether he is Mr Right or Mr Wrong.

People change all the time. They change in relation to each other as they acclimatise to each other's quirks, they change with age, with their circumstances and a hundred other things.

So I suppose if you base your Mr Right on physical appearance, sexual allure, you can expect things to change fairly quickly as you habituate to each other's sexual proclivities, inhibitions etc.

Mr Right is fine for short term things and it could just reach into the long term but unwise to expect that.

[girlsearching]

Originally Posted by Ravenspirit

This doesn't work for me, sorry. You're attracted to what you are attracted to and I have never found that I can force myself to be with someone I am not genuinely attracted to. "Nice" is a quality I respect, and actually I require that in a man. I'm not into "bad boys" as they say but that being said some of the nicest guys I've ever met just did not turn me on at all and time did not improve on that. I have a couple of male friends who will never be more than that. They don't want me. I don't want them, but we're still good friends and love each other very much as friends.

I agree that sometimes you can overlook someone's attractiveness at first, that a great personality can make a person beautiful. But in general if I'm just not attracted, I'm just not attracted and I will not settle for "Mr. Okay" rather than "Mr 100% Right." That's how you end up divorced. If a guy doesn't half make me forget my name when he kisses me? He's not the one for me. I deserve better and so does he. I don't believe in settling just be with someone. These days I can have everything sans a partner, including kids and financial success if I want them. Why would I settle for a guy who doesn't totally rock my world when I can have lovers, a family, success, whatever I want without commitment?

If I am going to commit I want it to be to a really great guy who I love and can't imagine living without. That's my only reason I'd ever marry. If just looking at him makes me want to jump him, if he totally turns me on mentally, physically, spiritually, if I just can't stand the idea of living without him, of doing all those things sans him being there? Then that's the man for me. The guy doesn't do that but is "nice" well, he totally deserves to go out there and find another woman who really does feel that way about him.

If it never happens, so be it. I'd honestly rather live my life alone than live a mediocre life. I don't want to be with someone I merely like. I want to be with someone I love, and yes, who turns me on. Otherwise I might as well get a vibe and a cat for company. There just to be more to it. That spark has to be there. I want him to be hot (to me) and nice or it's just no deal...

I whole heartily agree with you. I just haven't had the best of luck with guys I find attractive. I don't talk to them I'm shy and awaked around them. I have this fear of rejection that the guys I like won't be interested in me. Guys who I don't find necessarily attractive have always shown their interest in me. They actually have the courage to approach me first and strike up conversations with me. It's ironic that they see you as a catch/prize but you don't find them that way I guess that's the never ending cycle. I just figure my pickings are slim. Besides my problem is that I get Infatuated with people and I become Fixated on their physical facial features with guys I find attractive. In my opinion you can't have the total package, usually coincided guys have ugly personality's.