How do you know when you love a man as a man or as a friend?

[Crwydryn]

How do you know?
How can you make differences between liking a man and loving a man?
How do you know if it is lust, infatuation or real love?

I'm just asking these questions as I'm confused. There are two men in my life.
The first one, I feel warm when I think of him, I want to help him to heal, it makes me happy when he is happy, I do think I love him, I love spending my time with him but strangely I never thought of him kissing me, let alone sex.

The other guy, another friend of mine, I love chatting with him, I'm excited even when he likes my facebook post I posted because I knew he would, he is intelligent, he works hard to make me laugh, to teach me things about life, and with him I felt those butterflies, and I do want him to get physical.

But then my mind say none of them would be my perfect match. But is there such a thing at all? This sucks a bit as I don't even know what I'm asking.
Am I in love? Or Do I love them both as friends only?
Sorry for the lot of questions but I'm still learning to realize different kind of loves.

I think you've answered the question yourself. To me, also a Leo, it's a matter of limits. How far would you go to support each other in times of adversity. How sincere do you think your interactions go, like how long have you known the person and how consistent is he in his moods, his appreciation of you. How much are you prepared to compromise in appreciation of what he brings to your life? (By which I mean are his "bad points" (in your view) outweighed by the good he brings to you? ...And being ruthlessly honest, do you think you could allow him his bad points?)

To which of these guys could you surrender completely. If neither then you probably don't love either.

When people start dating they learn to suppress their personalities and pretend to like the same things but when reality strikes its over after a couple of years for most couples. (This is lifted from a Christmas present I've just received: the Ladybird Book of Dating! Appearing as a joke it holds some hidden truths/realities nonetheless!)


.....

[Deidre]

It's a feeling that can't be described...you just 'know' when you're in love with someone romantically as opposed to loving them as a friend. Just my opinion. :)

[Visitor]

Originally Posted by Crwydryn

How do you know?
How can you make differences between liking a man and loving a man?
How do you know if it is lust, infatuation or real love?

I'm just asking these questions as I'm confused. There are two men in my life.
The first one, I feel warm when I think of him, I want to help him to heal, it makes me happy when he is happy, I do think I love him, I love spending my time with him but strangely I never thought of him kissing me, let alone sex.

The other guy, another friend of mine, I love chatting with him, I'm excited even when he likes my facebook post I posted because I knew he would, he is intelligent, he works hard to make me laugh, to teach me things about life, and with him I felt those butterflies, and I do want him to get physical.

But then my mind say none of them would be my perfect match. But is there such a thing at all? This sucks a bit as I don't even know what I'm asking.
Am I in love? Or Do I love them both as friends only?
Sorry for the lot of questions but I'm still learning to realize different kind of loves.

Both relationships contain strong co-dependencies (people pleasing) which is unhealthy. With the first one, it is you who wants to please and expect appreciation for it. In the second one, it is he who wants to please and will expect appreciation for it.

Inter-dependency is healthy. This is when there is a good exchange of independence with co-dependency. In either case, each allows the other to be that way without expecting anything from it.

[O]

I'm just going to give you my opinion on your two different situations stated above. Keep in mind I know nothing

Sounds to me that you like them both so far. I wouldn't call either love just yet, but it definitely seems like you are interested in the second one more than the first romantically.

To me, the first sounds more like you care for him as friend. Not to say that the first couldnt turn into more, you just seem to have an instant physical attraction to the second. And as humans we tend to lean in that direction when given the option.

Which would be the better option, if given the choice? Who knows?
Every case is different. No one can say for sure. The first could fizzle out quickly. The second could become more attraction over time as you get to know him better, just as the second could become less attractive.

[CrystalSong]

More time interacting with each will give you more clarity as to the nature of your feelings.

[Flexi-Girl]

When you sleep with him.

[CrystalSong]

Actually......when we have sex with someone it releases chemicals and pheromones into our system which feel like love and we perceive as love - so sleeping with someone actually doesn't give us clarity because it RELEASES CHEMICALS so we're 'on drugs' so to speak and can't trust our heart as our body is having an experience based on those temporary chemicals and pheromones.

Research oxytocin - it will alter how you think about sex and under what conditions and why you will engage in it if you want to be in clarity and honesty with yourself.

[Crwydryn]

I know both guys for about 4 years now. And I know their bad habits, their bad traits, I know them quite well, we've been friends since I met them. Separately. The relationships started shifting in the last couple of months due to a lot of personal change I made.
@Visitor-I don't understand how it is codependency if I want somebody to be happy or if I like spending time with them? Or they like teaching me stuff so that automatically means they are dependent? Where do you see that I expect appreciation?

[Visitor]

Hello Crwydryn.

Originally Posted by Crwydryn

..Where do you see that I expect appreciation?

Originally Posted by Crwydryn

... I want to help him to heal, it makes me happy when he is happy,...

The other guy,... I'm excited even when he likes my facebook post I posted because I knew he would, ... he works hard to make me laugh,...

Both expect to be noticed (appreciation) by their efforts. IMHO