dad has cancer....

bluelove23 · #1 13-03-2013, 12:14 AM

My dad has been in and out Of the emergency room the past Few months And iv been helping him with everything..im 25 And dont even Have my life togheter yet..and im trying To help..but yesterday he Was so Sad And called me And said To me That The doctor called And has bad news..and something about not having that much time left And i asked him what was going on..he said He was Gonna Call Me today to talk about it..but Then I asked my brother And he Told me my dad Has cancer...iv been through Alot of hard things in My life and belive what you Go through makes you stronger but this...like watching my dad die..i dont know how i Am gonna Do This...we just tarted aving a good Relationship this year..i Was rebellious And stupid..but i still love my dad...and today i couldnt even answer him..like i feel terrible but I Feel Like Need a few days to cope and put myself togheter and be strong for him..anyone Else go thru somethjbg like this before?

psychoslice · #2 13-03-2013, 12:51 AM

I'm sorry to hear the news about your dad bluelove23, I know what it is like, my mum had cancer twice, after the first one we all thought it was over but it came back. Yes its so hard when you cannot do anything for them, all we can do is just be there and try to spend as much quality time together. My dad died at the age of 48 from a blood clot while he was up in hospital, like you I only started to get closer to my dad not long before he died, but just that closeness was enough to let go of my dad without guilt arising from not being close to him. Try not to leave any unfinished business, let your dad know how you feel, if there is anything that you regretted, then let him know that also.

I had a lot of unfinished business with my mum, because of this it took me years of therapy to let it all go. I myself had cancer about three years ago, so I do have a some understanding how one feels. The worse thing I found is that friends treated me like I was going to die, even now after three years they have their suspicion, telling me "why am I so thin, you haven't got the cancer back have you".

just be yourself and try not to see the worse, you never know it could go the other way.

BlueSky · #3 13-03-2013, 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluelove23

My dad has been in and out Of the emergency room the past Few months And iv been helping him with everything..im 25 And dont even Have my life togheter yet..and im trying To help..but yesterday he Was so Sad And called me And said To me That The doctor called And has bad news..and something about not having that much time left And i asked him what was going on..he said He was Gonna Call Me today to talk about it..but Then I asked my brother And he Told me my dad Has cancer...iv been through Alot of hard things in My life and belive what you Go through makes you stronger but this...like watching my dad die..i dont know how i Am gonna Do This...we just tarted aving a good Relationship this year..i Was rebellious And stupid..but i still love my dad...and today i couldnt even answer him..like i feel terrible but I Feel Like Need a few days to cope and put myself togheter and be strong for him..anyone Else go thru somethjbg like this before?

As a Dad, the hardest thing for me if i was in the same condition, would be knowing the pain my children and loved ones would endure.
It's going to be hard for everyone, I'm so sorry.

#4 13-03-2013, 02:04 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I can't say I've lost a parent to disease, but what I can say is that no matter how hard it is, spend as much time as possible with him because life is short and time is precious.

jeremy67 · #5 13-03-2013, 11:48 AM

Hi bluelove23,

I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad and I totally understand your thoughts and fears. I lost my Dad to cancer 7 years ago. It was tough for everyone, there's no point in trying to hide that, but please let me pass on a couple of words of advice.

First, don't worry about how you will cope, because you will cope without even thinking about it when the time comes. Human beings have an in-built mechanism for these things. Don't ask me how it works, but it's like an auto-pilot kicks in and you just get on with things.

Second, keep building on that good relationship you're having with your Dad, let him know that you truly love him and don't be afraid to actually say those words: "I love you, Dad". I never said those words, and it's something I will always regret. The time never felt right, I was embarrassed about displaying emotion and scared that letting out that emotion might cause me to break down in front of my Dad. But now I realise that those excuses were all about me, and not about what my Dad needed to hear.

So, be strong, always keep your Dad's needs in mind but also acknowledge the fact that you need help and support too. I know that at times like this you feel alone and scared, but I took heart from the fact that millions of people around the world go through the same thing every day. Horrible though it is, it's a natural part of life, and as you said yourself, experiences like this make you stronger.

Good luck. Much love to you, your Dad, and the rest of your family.

Hugs,
Jeremy.

Belle · #6 13-03-2013, 12:00 PM

I'm so so sorry to hear your sad news. It's very very hard when someone you care about so much is so sick.

Love never dies, that's so true. Don't be afraid of how you might feel and not being strong for him. I think there can be a comfort to those who are passing to know they will be missed, and you have a time now to connect and let him know how you feel.

My thoughts are with you.

#7 15-03-2013, 01:08 AM

I just had a 32 year old friend die of cancer last year. It was definitely sad, and made a lot of people around me sad too. Life must go on and over time sad feelings will subside.

BTW, what "stage cancer" does he have? Or what type of cancer? You know cancer can be cured by diet/exercise/lifestyle? Many times doctors will say someone has so many more months to live, when really there still might be a cure.

#8 15-03-2013, 02:17 AM

i am so sorry to hear about your dad. that news is heartbreaking for all of you, i am sure. i don't know how you feel about reiki but i know it can help if nothing else, bring about balance and peace in this tough time. most of all, cherish the time you do have and know that you will always be loved by your father and that in these days when he needs you, i am sure that he will also know that you need him too. lots of love to all of you, and peace in this hard time for you and your family.

Kaere · #9 15-03-2013, 02:21 AM

I lost my mum within six days of her being admitted to hospital, four days after finding out she was terminal.

Talk to him, just talk... about anything and everything. Hold hands. All that stuff. It's going to hurt I'm sorry to say but giving him what you can will help it.

Tobi · #10 15-03-2013, 02:32 AM

Quite a few of my loved ones had cancer. My mother was so old by the time it developed and she didn't pass away from it, she went from advanced old age and late-stage dementia (which was affecting areas of her system needed for survival)
My husband passed away from an aggressive cancer 14 years ago....my Dad had a form of leukaemia, but got treatment and went into remission, he passed from pneumonia years later.

I think the best thing you can do is love your Dad. Don't just love him, but tell him you do, and say a big thanks to him for all the love he ever gave you. If he can be treated and it works -then great. If the cancer is too advanced, then support him through as best you can. It is strenuous, you will have to be brave and very disciplined. But love will help you through. Give him your hugs, your laughter, your kindness.

I am sorry for what you and he are going through.