'Happiness is a choice.'

[John Elessar]

The mistake you are making is thinking that happiness is something that happens to you, something external. Instead, you are happiness. Dissolve the duality and experience the joy which is your birthright.

Hello John,

The mistake you are making is thinking that happiness is something that happens to you, something external. Instead, you are happiness. Dissolve the duality and experience the joy which is your birthright.

I am following you, honest. My question stands though.

In living the joy, are we denying ourselves the adversity that builds us and feeds our soul. In choosing only joy are we limiting our experience, blinkering ourselves in some way to the whole of experience and feeling ?

P.S I do like Joy and happiness, but( Metaphor time again) a Savoury dish before the Dessert course , makes the Dessert that much sweeter and completes the meal.

Hello Prinie,

I feel the more we think about happiness, the less we feel it/ experience it.

A very astute observation The pursuit of happiness presupposes that we are not as yet happy.

[Miss Hepburn]

My old guru that I don't follow anymore said wisely once:
What is happiness? Confidence.


I relate to that now over the three decades since he said that.
I agree.

[Miss Hepburn]

[quote=Miss Hepburn]What a great subject, Starbuck.

It reminds me of a famous quote by Abraham-Hicks:
"We have so much power we can even make ourselves miserable."

I am, now, consistently content and happy.
But it certainly did not take overnight! Ha!

Once I recognized the 'culprit', I was able to 'be happy', never worry, have no
Fear, just flow and be content and confident in everything...
Culprit being thoughts and their patterns of taking me and my emotions into unproductive fears
And worries, low self esteem and such.

For me saying "No way" to thoughts that could take me down a path
Of pain was the ticket, as they say.

Also, I believe a person needs a core belief that we are meant to enjoy
This life....if one believes we should or it is normal to suffer...that belief
Can become self-fulfilling.


Whew,all typed on my Smart Phone. I'm getting better!

Hello Miss Hepburn,

[QUOTEI am, now, consistently content and happy.
But it certainly did not take overnight! Ha!][/quote]

Another astute observation is highlighted by your post, How indeed can you know what happiness is , if you don't know what Not being happy is like? there's no basis for comparison

Originally Posted by Starbuck

I'd be interested in views about this statement. Do you think happiness is always a choice no matter what happens? If so, how do we achieve it?

Many people say that no circumstances have the power to strip someone of their emotional or mental state that they choose. Is this true even in extremely difficult circumstances?

I feel there's a lot of truth in the above statements but I also feel concerned that some perspectives move away from the compassionate response towards the judgemental.

Some books I have read even state that human grief after a death is unnecessary and a sign of 'conditioning' because society loves misery. Others have said that 'negative emotions' mean we have moved away from spirit. If we're not full of joy all the time, something is wrong.

Can we choose to be happy, within reason?

I guess I really struggle to get my head around this.

We can choose to be happy when we allow ourselves to remain open and *FEEL* all emotions that may be blocking us from the natural state of joy and happiness...

[Papa Bear]

Originally Posted by Starbuck

I'd be interested in views about this statement. Do you think happiness is always a choice no matter what happens? If so, how do we achieve it?

Many people say that no circumstances have the power to strip someone of their emotional or mental state that they choose. Is this true even in extremely difficult circumstances?

I feel there's a lot of truth in the above statements but I also feel concerned that some perspectives move away from the compassionate response towards the judgemental.

Some books I have read even state that human grief after a death is unnecessary and a sign of 'conditioning' because society loves misery. Others have said that 'negative emotions' mean we have moved away from spirit. If we're not full of joy all the time, something is wrong.

Can we choose to be happy, within reason?

I guess I really struggle to get my head around this.

Hi Starbuck, when your question entered my thoughts a while ago, long before this thread, it resulted in a poem.

What makes you happy during any day can vary from someone arriving or simply going away. A welcome surprise or gain, or the ending of pain, something found when lost or even relief from strain. It’s never obvious trails of thought, which form an answer more related to something bought, neither ambitions attained nor riches gained, more likely a good washing powder that removed something stained. We live in common routines of life, filled with struggles and strife, creating self- comfort we dream, of what happiness may mean, is it perfect elation, feeling or joy or just the right girl or boy.

It’s the perfect look, form or face, matching a social illusion of beauties grace, or maybe financial security of a routine kind, so elusive for the majority to find. So many variations of choice, too often spoken by a wishing voice, who rarely recognizes simple routine prizes, that fill our hearts demand, to place happiness in our hand. Goodnight Mum, goodnight Dad makes a parents heart so glad, a day is ending and their child is sending, a recognition that is safe and clear, that they go to rest without any fear. In so many ways happiness shines its rays, lighting up our sadness changing it to gladness, in plain and simple sight then just as suddenly takes flight, because we think it’s more, while it sits inside our door.

Happiness forms from perception beyond deception; a clearer view of what is true, finding worth in trivial routine, which identifies our true experience of being. We need less than our ambition and wishes speculate, even when excitement rises before a first date, we may be just as happy to find a new mate. And if too much cost creates disappointment, a change of view can find greater enjoyment, because the worth of happiness in any measure is priceless as a human treasure, in reflections of how to share each other’s pleasure. Recognizing the true worth of self, is the source of good health, recognizing the true worth of others, makes us all sisters and brothers.

We may find with open hearts and minds that we are more than we could wish to be, just sitting on the settee. Because the life we share at home, work or in the street, are only the places we meet, but what we can give because we care, can lay happiness bare, in our touch, word or smiling eyes, we can fill each other’s hearts with sunny skies. It is as plain as the nose on our face; we can create a happy place, expressed outside and within our inner space. In a moment’s pause for recognition, of expressed thoughts or feelings, we may realize that happiness exists in routine disguise, and if we dare we may find within ourselves happiness of every kind.

There was a discussion about happiness on one of our TV talk shows. A psychology lecturer from the local university stated that ones level of happiness is based on
50% genetics
20% environmental
and the rest personal, thoughts feelings and how we manage them

Did he sound like having fun while talking about statistics and figures? You bet he didn't, he actually sounded like a guy who has completely lost the plot, especially when contrasted with the 2nd panel member, a laughterologist. The psychologist look on his face whenever the jolly laughter guy spoke and explained what he does and how it works was amazing to see. My imaginary thought bubble read something like this "How can this guy who obviously knows nothing and talks rubbish steal my limelight?"

Strange thing though, they had an impromptu laughter session for the 2nd half of the show. Everybody's face was joyful, smiling and looking happy.
The psychologist was nowhere to be seen.

[Michelle11]

Originally Posted by Quinn the Eskimo

On the surface, it doesn't appear that we should be able to be happy no matter what happens

things happen that seem to cause us misery. death. loss. pain.

is there a way past that? yes. thats what spirituality is about. I'll share a quote of Eckhart Tolle

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”

spirituality aims at bringing us into a deeper experience of this. practicing comes into the picture because we are not used to watching our thoughts, and don't understand the effect they have on us.

this is often not brought into our awareness at all. and this is not to say that

-something bad happens
-you have specific thoughts
-and then the suffering comes

rather, its often due to our thought system, which is a result of our beliefs

to answer the question directly, yes, happiness is a choice
but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be compassionate towards those that are experiencing suffering

it wouldnt do much good to look at someone who is suffering and say something like, "you just dont get it. youre doing this to yourself."

this is not helpful at all, you have to speak the language of the person you're talking to, and most of the world is just not ready to hear that. there is no use in showing off your spiritual progress. to be compassionate is to communicate with them in the most loving way that they will understand.

I really like this answer. I have been personally struggling with this for the past year though I didn't label it happiness but rather the difference between walking in love and walking in fear and a couple of shifts that happened in my life to switch me from one frame of thought to the other. I came into this world more in fear than anything else. I was and am a loving person and have love in my life but the difference is where my spirit resided was more in fear. I responded to life in fear. I wasn't always fearful sad or depressed but I could fall into it very easy based on what was going on in my life. But I worked really hard at overcoming fear and had a break through that shifted me into love. My life made a total 360 and though I wasn't always happy, there were times when I was sad at the loss of a loved one or such but for the most part even during those times of sadness I felt at peace so the sadness didn't linger or color the rest of my world. Fast forward to last year and I had something happen in my life that really shook the foundation of where I was and low and behold I shifted back into living in a fear based mindset. So I am now back in a frame of mind that can fall easily into sadness, anger and depression. I am aware that I have a choice and yet my brain does not seem to want to cooperate and it is quite baffling to me how my brain did this and I am working especially hard trying to figure out how to shift it back. Yes, it is a choice but for some it isn't as easy as just saying I choose to be happy and walk in love instead of fear and sadness. At least in my case something needed to click and I am on a search to find out what that is so I can shift back into walking in love because walking in fear feels dreadful and infinitely hopeless.

Anyways, personally feeling like I have lived from both perspectives I will say walking in love leads to an overall sense of happiness that can't be, for the most part, shaken. A person may not always be happy but there is an underlying peace and acceptance of life that goes along with it giving one a sense that even in times of trouble all is going to be OK. Whereas on the other hand, when someone is walking in fear there is a tendency to fall into sadness anger and depression at the circumstances in our lives and there may also be a tendency to bring those negative emotions with us thus coloring and affecting all areas of our life. Of course I am sure there are degrees to all states of mind but there does seem to me to be a clear difference in how we react to the world when we are walking in one mindset over the other.

So is happiness a choice. Yes, I do believe it is but I don't think it is as simple as saying I choose to be happy. I think saying it will get us on the road to achieving it but at least for me some sort of shift had to happen that moved me out of living and responding to life from fear into love. My suspicion is that it is tied into letting go and accepting all life but sometimes we have subconscious things going on that we simply must work through before we can get to that state of being so that our thoughts don't drag us down into negative thinking and we are truly able to accept all that is.

I would like to add that I think there may be an underlying challenging thought pattern that we have each chosen to try and work on in this life and it will continue to undermine our peace of mind and ability to reach a state of living in love until we overcome/release the negative thinking. That said, this challenging thought pattern is different for each of us so that is why there isn't a single golden key that opens the door for all of us. And why you can't just say I choose to be happy. You can achieve a state of happiness from time to time but may not reach total peace of mind until your core issue is resolved.

[Emmalevine]

Great responses here and much food for thought. Thanks everyone for sharing those thoughts and feelings.