Ever wondered if you were dating a Player?

[002 Cents]

Yeah...

I guess all we can do is choose not to ignore the red flags or hinder our own growth by holding on to things that won't help us move forward.

So here are some of the things I have noticed over the years...

Be wary of someone who:

1. Pushes too much too fast, they should be able to be interested without being aggressive. There is no harm in taking your time and properly getting to know someone unless they want you hooked before you properly know them. In which case, you should be very suspicious. They are either in it for the short game, "the score" or they want you to be committed before you know the "real" them. I have seen this trait frequently among abusive and possessive people who are extremely insecure themselves.

2. Compliments you constantly focusing on your appearance, "God, you are beautiful"... I have a hell of a lot more going for me than my appearance. I need to avoid shallow men. If they are in it for how I look they will never fully appreciate me and all that which actually makes me beautiful, Who I am, not what I am. Not that I don't want them to be attracted to me, I just want to know that they see deeper than the surface. Because my body and my face will age, so if that is what they fall in love with it is not a recipe for forever.

3. Lacks accountability, this is the hugest tip off to Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They are incapable of admitting they are wrong and if any of you have ever dated a Narcissist then you already know why this personality type is a recipe for disaster.

4. Likes to Boast, it is important to be able to identify the difference between a person who is successful and one who wants to be perceived as successful. There are a lot of people who think a woman will be impressed by a man with means so they try to talk like they have it or will have it and in reality they are very likely tremendously in debt. I personally find this insulting because not only are they assuming I am superficial but they also think I am dumb enough to believe whatever they tell me. More often than not, the ones that are out there succeeding do so because they aren't constantly stopping to pat themselves on the back. Furthermore, the sexiest thing about a man is his integrity. So, if he thinks "things" are what make him worthy of a woman... You should be asking yourself what he is lacking in all other areas of his character.

Number 5 is a tidbit for introspective growth...

5. Don't let unjustified negative associations keep you from the right person. Sometimes something as simple as their name or little personal habits can bring on negative associations that are not actually indicative of a bad character. In my case, my husband has the same name as a guy I dated in High School who died from a drug overdose. I had to overcome this in realizing, the name was not the issue, the drugs were. So, make sure you are remaining objective.

I am sure I will add to this later as I think of more things...

But that is good for a rough draft.

I have done a lot of living and learning.

One last bit of advice, Marry your best friend. Friendship is an amazing foundation for a romantic relationship. Which is why I believe people should strive for friendship before they get romantically involved with anyone. Ideally, they should become your best friend. Because if you can't even develop a stable friendship, what chance could you possibly have at forever?

My marriage may be failing. But I don't regret the 11 years we spent together. I absolutely made the right choice at the time in marrying my best friend. But people change and things change... I am sad that forever appears to be infinitely shorter than I had imagined.

But hopefully there will be brighter tomorrows.