Do most love their soul family members regardless of the packaging?

[BlueCat]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Hey there BlueCat
Rare indeed...and yes it does take its own sweet time to get there with anyone who is not one of your close soul family. I never mistake sexual stuff for an authentic partner love...because I do need to know someone first simply as they are, just as a person and then as a friend. But I hear you in that many do make that mistake. You see it all around you, LOL.

Pretty wise cat, aren't you? No, true love is not what most think. And it is what you say.

Agreed full stop, regarding partnerships.

Well the truth is sometimes the members of a soul family are not all in sync on what is most central to our existence, authentic love and support of one another...because we're all at different places on our journeys. Even for our very closest soul connections, these differences can exist...such that you feel an amazing, deep, and unbounded love for them, and yet frankly despite all the loved shared in spirit, they may be difficult as people or as friends, much less as partners. If I don't feel loved and affirmed manifestly, on the ground, day-to-day by some of my close soul fam -- or even my closest soul connections -- then whilst I love them freely and will not stop loving them, of course I look elsewhere for partnership on the ground. And sometimes, I cannot even look to some of them for friendship because it's too punishing. It is what it is.

Speaking to adultery and infidelity, you're absolutely correct in that ultimately it occurs because 1) lack of a mutual authentic love AND 2) general spiritual and emotional immaturity and varied misalignment.

Since #1 is nearly universal in male/female relationships to date in our history (sadly), but since of course not everyone cheats, it is the addition of #2 to #1 that leads to both promiscuity and immaturity.

However, to even begin to come to the place where he or she is capable of authentic love, there is a truly tremendous and sustained commitment one makes to oneself and to the authenticity of one's own journey, as well as to Source and to others. This commitment in itself is an act of great love, faith, and grace. Only past this point does it (the awakened heart, authentic loving in the face of adversity and not just in good times) all unfold seemingly naturally and continually.

Peace & blessings
7L

Thank you for your replies, i love them !
Unfortunately even TFs (one of them or both) can fall in the trap of immaturity and promiscuity, i had to stop this lately because i cannot stand to have this romantic and sexual TF energy while there is another person involved (eh, really difficult even if he is the one that acts "unfaithfully"). I know most runners want to not lose this connection, but it has to be toned down until the runner or both twins are ready. TF/SC connections work better in the romantic sense when both are not involved with anyone else, other people could try to sabotage TF connections in some cases due to negative ego thinking and acting.
I would still love TF or other soul connections despite all the delusions and disappointments, because not all these SC/TF are mature enough and need more learning. I know there is love, the problem is not acting out for this love and giving importance to ego thoughts and acts or to relationships that feel "safe". It seems also some runners try to convince themselves the other non twin (usually a karmic soulmate) is a best match for them while in reality they still think of their twin in a romantic and sexual way, as i said before this means what i said in the previous post. I love how some runners (and also chasers sometimes or both) contraddict themselves a lot , it happened to me as well not just to twin.

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by BlueCat

Thank you for your replies, i love them !

Ahhh thank you I'm so glad & I've enjoyed your responses too!
Let's get to all the meat of your little morsel here...

Unfortunately even TFs (one of them or both) can fall in the trap of immaturity and promiscuity, i had to stop this lately because i cannot stand to have this romantic and sexual TF energy while there is another person involved (eh, really difficult even if he is the one that acts "unfaithfully").

So your close soul connection is a bit of a cad and can't keep it in his pants eh? Poor character is always a bit of a disappointment when you care for someone and want to think well of them. And it tends to degrade the respect you have for them just as a person. Basically, the respect would be gone, but you'd still love them and accept them as a person (though perhaps not their actions), just because you do.

But my next question is, how do you turn it off? You can completely redirect your expectations, true, so that you have no expectations for "something", sometimes not even friendship. I highly recommend doing away with expectations in general but especially here. Because you have this very strong bond but that doesn't mean they will be kind or decent...or that they will be a good friend who treats you well. But I think if you try to suppress it -- which many do through a sheer act of will -- nonetheless it is damaging to the heart and soul. Love will out itself, in the end.

I know most runners want to not lose this connection, but it has to be toned down until the runner or both twins are ready. TF/SC connections work better in the romantic sense when both are not involved with anyone else, other people could try to sabotage TF connections in some cases due to negative ego thinking and acting.

Truthfully, BlueCat ...I honour your opinion but I can't really speak to this. In my opinion, I've not even managed a true friendship with close soul connections who were male where I felt loved and accepted AS I WAS...insted of only on their terms, their way or the highway. So I have no idea how this works, honestly. I reckon if they can't be your solid, dear, and beloved friend, then what else matters?

And even if both folks fancied a partnership - a big if, since so many are just not partnership material -- ill, I could hardly believe there could be an authentically loving partnership that would go the distance without a beloved friendship at the centre. Granted, I understand that a beloved friendship is what many seek with all their close soul family (whether friends, family, partner or whomever).

Though that's basically not what I see most times. Look at how many gents here said they'd love their close soul connections regardless of the packaging. One gent did for certain. Maybe a few. Almost none, even on SF. Isn't that sad? It's totally conditional for an awful lot of gents...but that sort of love is shallow and unsatisfying to the soul and therefore hardly worth a damn, TBH. If they offer an empty vessel, no one thirsting for true sustenance will be fooled for a moment.

I would still love TF or other soul connections despite all the delusions and disappointments, because not all these SC/TF are mature enough and need more learning. I know there is love, the problem is not acting out for this love and giving importance to ego thoughts and acts or to relationships that feel "safe". It seems also some runners try to convince themselves the other non twin (usually a karmic soulmate) is a best match for them while in reality they still think of their twin in a romantic and sexual way, as i said before this means what i said in the previous post. I love how some runners (and also chasers sometimes or both) contraddict themselves a lot , it happened to me as well not just to twin.

It definitely sounds like you're going through some stuff right now BlueCat and that you're still sorting things. And some of our soul family are very difficult to deal with...even our closest soul connections, with whom we feel so, well, close and familiar. My only advice is to let the love flow and release all judgment or expectation upon yourself as well as the other. TBH, if he's all over the map, he's no great catch right now, even if you love him dearly. And you have no idea what his path is...maybe this lifetime he is called to be a ratfink, a skunk, and a dirty rascal...and it may be he will continue be in everyone's pants for many years. Perhaps with a short time out for marriage at some point and then it's back to screwing around till he begins to age and wear out a bit. Till he can't get the young and dumb ones so easily I hope not, but you never know, is my point.

It doesn't sound that appealing, does it? I said the same to Delay because his close connection was using him as a crutch whilst she was all over the place. It doesn't mean you don't love them very dearly, but if they act disrespectfully and exploitatively toward others in this manner (or, for various other reasons)...you may find that they just don't have much to offer anyone in partnership. And it can help you put the situation in perspective. You may come to realise you love them very dearly but just as a friend in the waking world. And then you can get used to just letting that love flow however it does!

Peace & blessings,
and much love & light
7L

[BlueCat]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Ahhh thank you I'm so glad & I've enjoyed your responses too!
Let's get to all the meat of your little morsel here...



So your close soul connection is a bit of a cad and can't keep it in his pants eh? Poor character is always a bit of a disappointment when you care for someone and want to think well of them. And it tends to degrade the respect you have for them just as a person. Basically, the respect would be gone, but you'd still love them and accept them as a person (though perhaps not their actions), just because you do.

But my next question is, how do you turn it off? You can completely redirect your expectations, true, so that you have no expectations for "something", sometimes not even friendship. I highly recommend doing away with expectations in general but especially here. Because you have this very strong bond but that doesn't mean they will be kind or decent...or that they will be a good friend who treats you well. But I think if you try to suppress it -- which many do through a sheer act of will -- nonetheless it is damaging to the heart and soul. Love will out itself, in the end.


Truthfully, BlueCat ...I honour your opinion but I can't really speak to this. In my opinion, I've not even managed a true friendship with close soul connections who were male where I felt loved and accepted AS I WAS...insted of only on their terms, their way or the highway. So I have no idea how this works, honestly. I reckon if they can't be your solid, dear, and beloved friend, then what else matters?

And even if both folks fancied a partnership - a big if, since so many are just not partnership material -- ill, I could hardly believe there could be an authentically loving partnership that would go the distance without a beloved friendship at the centre. Granted, I understand that a beloved friendship is what many seek with all their close soul family (whether friends, family, partner or whomever).

Though that's basically not what I see most times. Look at how many gents here said they'd love their close soul connections regardless of the packaging. One gent did for certain. Maybe a few. Almost none, even on SF. Isn't that sad? It's totally conditional for an awful lot of gents...but that sort of love is shallow and unsatisfying to the soul and therefore hardly worth a damn, TBH. If they offer an empty vessel, no one thirsting for true sustenance will be fooled for a moment.

It definitely sounds like you're going through some stuff right now BlueCat and that you're still sorting things. And some of our soul family are very difficult to deal with...even our closest soul connections, with whom we feel so, well, close and familiar. My only advice is to let the love flow and release all judgment or expectation upon yourself as well as the other. TBH, if he's all over the map, he's no great catch right now, even if you love him dearly. And you have no idea what his path is...maybe this lifetime he is called to be a ratfink, a skunk, and a dirty rascal...and it may be he will continue be in everyone's pants for many years. Perhaps with a short time out for marriage at some point and then it's back to screwing around till he begins to age and wear out a bit. Till he can't get the young and dumb ones so easily I hope not, but you never know, is my point.

It doesn't sound that appealing, does it? I said the same to Delay because his close connection was using him as a crutch whilst she was all over the place. It doesn't mean you don't love them very dearly, but if they act disrespectfully and exploitatively toward others in this manner (or, for various other reasons)...you may find that they just don't have much to offer anyone in partnership. And it can help you put the situation in perspective. You may come to realise you love them very dearly but just as a friend in the waking world. And then you can get used to just letting that love flow however it does!

Peace & blessings,
and much love & light
7L

Hello !

The problem is the feeling that is mutual, romantic and sexual and it's always a pain to regulate this because the connections when you try to move on, they become stronger . Hard to move on or in better terms, trying to get rid of expectations about a relationship and thinking too much of him. Unfortunately TF/SC are still human and do wrong things i admit, also not really regulating themselves about feelings or being into ego thought, the thing is in my connection it was always this way when he runner with that same person, for just a short time he denied everything. I really hope to be just a friend at least, i know when you still think about an "ex" there are still something, the problem is living a lie in a "safe" relationship just for confort reasons or other reasons like co-dependency.
SC/TF are really hard to manage, instead soulmates are easier...that doesn't mean it's a walk in the park! Usually i could totally cut ties and move on forgetting them, instead with SC/TF it's not possible and often the other twin would energetically try to not make you move on them. I knew this from some words of months ago when he was not jelaous stalker way, just telling me it was good i didn't get in a relatioship with someone lol despite in the past he said i should find another one.
I'm accepted by twin regardless of what i like, wear, appearance, personality, etc in my case i struggled a LOT on this, not related to appearance.
I'm not sure if i want a relationship right now, because i don't think we are both ready because there is a long road to walk (i hope not instead) until we are relationship material. When you get rid of ego, karmic ties with people, expectations, not caring if we reunite or not and more probably there would be a good ending. I don't think he is the type to get along with everyone that walks , unfortunately even people that isn't really into being promiscuous can pin into other people outside a 3D earthly relationship if they aren't really into it, not everyone of course. The so called "runner" is more "immature" in terms of spiritual and emotional advancing, while the "chaser" in a lesser way and he/she the first to get awake and getting rid of ego stuff.

[Delay_Reaction]

Hi Luminaries,

Thank you once again for your wonderful insight.

What is hard to accept is how we could be separated like this given that there aren't any huge obstacles between us... we are both unmarried without children. We live close by. We have every opportunity to be together, but we aren't.

This reminds me of a situation in my teen years when I fell in love with my best friend. The only difference was that it was unrequited love. I ended up spending 7 or so years in love with her. I had to accept that we could only be good friends and we were for many years. She ended up getting married and having a child. But now when I think about her, I feel nothing. Although at the time it was the longest enduring bout of unrequited love I had ever experienced.

I guess I am trying to draw a parallel between that situation and the situation I am in now. However, the connection I have with my twin is much stronger than with my best friend (with whom I barely talk to anymore... )

It pains me to think that this will end up the same way where I simply don't care anymore about her. I'd rather endure a long lasting relationship and go through the bumps together than to separate and end up feeling nothing years down the road... That to me doesn't feel like a growing experience as I've already done that before.

I have another friend in a similar situation who is also separated from her twin. She is in a long-term relationship with her live-in boyfriend. Even though she loves her twin, it got to a point where her twin's ego went amuck and she simply couldn't be around him anymore. Then a few months ago she found out she was pregnant with (I assume) is her bf's baby. Totally unplanned. A part of me thinks it's revenge on her twin. (Since she told me that the only person she could picture herself with child is with her twin). Then she gets pregnant with someone else? It's just so wrong.

I am terrified that my twin will go and do the same thing. A part of me thinks that if she did get pregnant, I would hate her forever because I know it wouldn't be with someone who makes her truly happy (which I believe I can do). And my ego would just explode at that point and I would be filled with resentment. I can already picture how I would react to it and the things I would say to her (congratulations not being one of them..)

I really don't want to feel like this, but it's impossible not to.

This is the main reason I can't be around my twin right now, because anything that she does that doesn't include me will trigger my ego.

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Delay, hello there!
You're very welcome, my friend

I think you did a wonderful thing and you were honest. You were also both honest about loving one another as people -- I think that is really tremendous, as it's such a huge spiritual obstacle when we are not honest with one another about anger, resentment, or deception, and particularly about the love in our hearts.

I know it's hard for you now, but I really think the reason you're not together is because she's not solid relationship material right now, perhaps not for several years yet, and perhaps not even in this lifetime. And all the love in the world from you or whomever can't make her be something she's not. Any growth on her end is solely up to her and cannot ever be predicted or relied upon with certainty.

She accepted your honest words, even with great difficulty, and she welcomed your contact in future whenever it's right for you. I think you've both handled it wonderfully and you've left the door open to resume some contact in future when you can meet in simple love and friendship.

I know it's hard now, but I am so happy for you because you still have the potential to remain beloved friends in future...and you're leaving it on good terms, with words of love and kindness spoken in parting.

I am moved truly...and I think you've set the ideal standard for this sort of situation...so thank you

Peace & blessings,
7L

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by BlueCat

Hello !

The problem is the feeling that is mutual, romantic and sexual and it's always a pain to regulate this because the connections when you try to move on, they become stronger . Hard to move on or in better terms, trying to get rid of expectations about a relationship and thinking too much of him. Unfortunately TF/SC are still human and do wrong things i admit, also not really regulating themselves about feelings or being into ego thought, the thing is in my connection it was always this way when he runner with that same person, for just a short time he denied everything. I really hope to be just a friend at least, i know when you still think about an "ex" there are still something, the problem is living a lie in a "safe" relationship just for confort reasons or other reasons like co-dependency.

I agree...friendship is the greatest and deepest ideal, if authentically loving, no matter what else your relationship is (whether family, partner, whomever)...

I also know that if you do feel a deep soul love for someone, there is really nothing for it but to let it be as it is. Let the love flow between your souls whilst you extend a hand and try to figure out how to navigate this waking world in a way that accepts and supports all (both) and demeans or exploits none (neither one).

SC/TF are really hard to manage, instead soulmates are easier...that doesn't mean it's a walk in the park! Usually i could totally cut ties and move on forgetting them, instead with SC/TF it's not possible and often the other twin would energetically try to not make you move on them. I knew this from some words of months ago when he was not jelaous stalker way, just telling me it was good i didn't get in a relatioship with someone lol despite in the past he said i should find another one.

I would completely agree if I could restate it like this...
For most of those who cross our paths, and by this I mean most exes and even ex-spouses, we can totally cut ties and move on in every meaningful sense. Even for some of our family and friends in this lifetime, this can and does happen, sometimes by explicit choice. That's because the soul bond is more distant and/or less resonant...making them more like all other souls in universe at a certain distance outside our closest circle(s) of belonging.

But for our closest soul family, our closest soul connections...the bond is far stronger and is not meant to be severed. That is huge. That is asking for things to be other than what they are now and in all other moments. Even if you walk a different path or your paths diverge in a given lifetime.

It doesn't mean tolerate abuse or unkindness. But it does mean to, as Gabriel say, to leave the channel open, even if it's just a small opening. So that the love and grace can flow amongst you over the span of eternity. I did this for myself with some close soul family member from India several years back, and then I did a lot of healing for him with the guides. I feel now that the karma between us is basically good now.

I don't want to be in contact with him because he and his family made me feel deeply ashamed for being who I am (a mum, so not a virgin)...which also offends me deeply on principle in the objective sense. But I followed Gabriel's advice and that's how I was able to tolerate his presence to get on with the healing that for various reasons I was uniquely able to diagnose and treat with the guides' energetic assistance and neutral presence. Where all their master healers could not BTW, for all their rules about who is acceptable and spiritually "kosher", LOL.

I'm accepted by twin regardless of what i like, wear, appearance, personality, etc in my case i struggled a LOT on this, not related to appearance.

Funny...I usually get attention like most women based on appearance, and I've always despised and mistrusted that. Yet when my other close soul friend belittled me for being blonde and pale (rather than dark and pale like last go-round), I felt ashamed of who I was. Not like I could do anything about it. Odd how the one who made me feel ashamed for not being a virgin still loved me as I was physically.

Whereas the other, the closer one, who never made me feel ashamed for being a single mum, belittled me for looking too pale and blonde...which for some reason he loathes. In both cases, I experienced deep and pervasive shame based on something I cannot ever change...I cannot be a virgin and I cannot right now be a dark-eyed, dark-haired woman as I was last time. My experience with other souls who are close to me (and particularly when they incarnate as men) is that some seek repeatedly to dominate and break me, or else to reject me, to judge me and find me lacking. I experienced this as a man and as a woman with my closest soul connections. Where is the simple acceptance and love that I feel for them and always have done, whether I was a man or a woman?

It's brutal and traumatic...just a terrible feeling when someone has seen your soul but doesn't accept you as you are. The shame of being judged and found "forever" lacking...simply for being who you ARE. I have come to realize that there are deep wounds that cross what we think of as lifetimes, involving an equally deep need for love and forgiveness. However, it still feels brutal and punishing to be [either dominated or rejected, your choice] by those who see you at the soul level...by those who are deep inside your circle of belonging.

I'm not sure if i want a relationship right now, because i don't think we are both ready because there is a long road to walk (i hope not instead) until we are relationship material. When you get rid of ego, karmic ties with people, expectations, not caring if we reunite or not and more probably there would be a good ending. I don't think he is the type to get along with everyone that walks , unfortunately even people that isn't really into being promiscuous can pin into other people outside a 3D earthly relationship if they aren't really into it, not everyone of course. The so called "runner" is more "immature" in terms of spiritual and emotional advancing, while the "chaser" in a lesser way and he/she the first to get awake and getting rid of ego stuff.

You seem very level-headed about all this, which is the main thing ;)
Waking up and getting rid of ego obstacles sounds good to me!
Peace & blessings
7L

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Delay_Reaction

Hi Luminaries,

Thank you once again for your wonderful insight.

What is hard to accept is how we could be separated like this given that there aren't any huge obstacles between us... we are both unmarried without children. We live close by. We have every opportunity to be together, but we aren't.

This reminds me of a situation in my teen years when I fell in love with my best friend. The only difference was that it was unrequited love. I ended up spending 7 or so years in love with her. I had to accept that we could only be good friends and we were for many years. She ended up getting married and having a child. But now when I think about her, I feel nothing. Although at the time it was the longest enduring bout of unrequited love I had ever experienced.

I guess I am trying to draw a parallel between that situation and the situation I am in now. However, the connection I have with my twin is much stronger than with my best friend (with whom I barely talk to anymore... )

It pains me to think that this will end up the same way where I simply don't care anymore about her. I'd rather endure a long lasting relationship and go through the bumps together than to separate and end up feeling nothing years down the road... That to me doesn't feel like a growing experience as I've already done that before.

I have another friend in a similar situation who is also separated from her twin. She is in a long-term relationship with her live-in boyfriend. Even though she loves her twin, it got to a point where her twin's ego went amuck and she simply couldn't be around him anymore. Then a few months ago she found out she was pregnant with (I assume) is her bf's baby. Totally unplanned. A part of me thinks it's revenge on her twin. (Since she told me that the only person she could picture herself with child is with her twin). Then she gets pregnant with someone else? It's just so wrong.

I am terrified that my twin will go and do the same thing. A part of me thinks that if she did get pregnant, I would hate her forever because I know it wouldn't be with someone who makes her truly happy (which I believe I can do). And my ego would just explode at that point and I would be filled with resentment. I can already picture how I would react to it and the things I would say to her (congratulations not being one of them..)

I really don't want to feel like this, but it's impossible not to.

This is the main reason I can't be around my twin right now, because anything that she does that doesn't include me will trigger my ego.

Delay...thank you for your heartfelt response too. Your honesty is really refreshing. Many could take a page from your book.

I hear you love this woman as a person and as a soul. This part is A-OK...
as long as you understand that you probably need to keep it confined to expression of friendship for now, for the near future, and very possibly forever in this lifetime.

She sounds really messed up and like many is looking for some sort of love and affirmation from a place of total dysfunction and insanity, almost. Having not got strong and clean and solid and centred on her own yet...and maybe not ever in this lifetime. And as a result, she probably knows full well she's been lucky to have your love & friendship, which is a solid and grounding counterbalance to her flakiness and her inappropriate display of her sexuality and her sexual energy with the public at large. She sounds like a baby with boobs and lady parts...unstable and immature, and nearly wholly focused on her own needs at this time.

Do you want to be the man she'll be screwing around on as a partner, and come to find she's out the door on a lark, or that the door is a revolving door and your job is to clean up her messes and raise other gents' kids when she can't be faithful (to you or whomever)?

I understand that you feel how you feel. Your soul feels love for her soul, even if as you say she gains 5 stone and even in 40 or 50 years when she's got a few wrinkles and her hair is grey. That's a true love of souls...and you have no idea how much I respect that. I do get that you are hurting...and I think you are wise to take the time you need to come to a better place first. It's totally human, honest, and understandable.

But you can't fix this. All the love in the universe can't fix that. It's called free will and walking your path. She's got to walk that path herself and she's got to realise she's responsible for everything she does and says...and that the way she lives now, using others, hurts them. Love won't teach her wisdom or compassion. Love won't make her appreciate love. She'll learn these lessons on her own or she won't, with or without friends and/or partners.

The choice is hers. Until she takes those choices...to own her stuff completely -- and to walk her own path (and carry her own load) -- there is nothing you can show her or give to her that will bring her forward on her path. You need to know that. You can still love her and be her friend and support her in recommending wise choices (if possible). But that doesn't mean she will move forward on her path just because you are there, giving love and support and pointing the way.

If she chooses instead to suck you dry whilst she continues to choose poorly and to suffer...then that's what she'll do. She's either the rock or the soil to your water of love and friendship, and she must choose to become the soil to your water NOW. Otherwise, all the water in the world will still take aeons to bring the rock to soil through attrition (erosion, LOL). With this understanding of reality, even friendship is very, very limited...but if you choose to give it and share it, it is an act of immeasurable grace and immeasurable love...and it allows you to be true to your heart and your nature. Meanwhile, however, a mutually loving partnership at this time would be basically impossible, EVEN IF she freely offered it. And if you penetrate her and then it almost assuredly ends, even your limited friendship is gone. Probably at least for this lifetime.

Just know that...know that deep in your heart...and choose wisely.
Peace & blessings
7L

[Delay_Reaction]

Hi Luminaries,

Again, there is a lot of wisdom in your words.

It is strange since all of her dialogue to me is on the surface very positive. She doesn't get angry at me for anything i do. She can be open with me about her feelings towards other men. She shares her deepest passions with me more than with anyone else. She can be more honest with me than with others because i rarely judge her. She loves me and i know this without her having to say it. It is maybe the basis for the perfect friendship.

....but i want more. The life partnership. We simply should be.

I agree with you that all of the inner chaos in her life would surface if we got together physically. I had a glimpse of it already during our brief affair. But when things were going well, it was magical, as if time and space didn't matter. We simply were.

It saddens me that she doesn't want this as much as i do.

There is still that one thread that is keeping me from detaching. I still find myself thinking about her (feelings alternating between anger/frustration & love/understanding) and when i start thinking positive thoughts again (like now), that is when she reaches out to me.

Even when i say not to contact me, it is like that request doesn't register in her brain and she does so anyway when she feels the pull.

This connection is truly baffling.

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Delay...thank you for your heartfelt response too. Your honesty is really refreshing. Many could take a page from your book.

I hear you love this woman as a person and as a soul. This part is A-OK...
as long as you understand that you probably need to keep it confined to expression of friendship for now, for the near future, and very possibly forever in this lifetime.

She sounds really messed up and like many is looking for some sort of love and affirmation from a place of total dysfunction and insanity, almost. Having not got strong and clean and solid and centred on her own yet...and maybe not ever in this lifetime. And as a result, she probably knows full well she's been lucky to have your love & friendship, which is a solid and grounding counterbalance to her flakiness and her inappropriate display of her sexuality and her sexual energy with the public at large. She sounds like a baby with boobs and lady parts...unstable and immature, and nearly wholly focused on her own needs at this time.

Do you want to be the man she'll be screwing around on as a partner, and come to find she's out the door on a lark, or that the door is a revolving door and your job is to clean up her messes and raise other gents' kids when she can't be faithful (to you or whomever)?

I understand that you feel how you feel. Your soul feels love for her soul, even if as you say she gains 5 stone and even in 40 or 50 years when she's got a few wrinkles and her hair is grey. That's a true love of souls...and you have no idea how much I respect that. I do get that you are hurting...and I think you are wise to take the time you need to come to a better place first. It's totally human, honest, and understandable.

But you can't fix this. All the love in the universe can't fix that. It's called free will and walking your path. She's got to walk that path herself and she's got to realise she's responsible for everything she does and says...and that the way she lives now, using others, hurts them. Love won't teach her wisdom or compassion. Love won't make her appreciate love. She'll learn these lessons on her own or she won't, with or without friends and/or partners.

The choice is hers. Until she takes those choices...to own her stuff completely -- and to walk her own path (and carry her own load) -- there is nothing you can show her or give to her that will bring her forward on her path. You need to know that. You can still love her and be her friend and support her in recommending wise choices (if possible). But that doesn't mean she will move forward on her path just because you are there, giving love and support and pointing the way.

If she chooses instead to suck you dry whilst she continues to choose poorly and to suffer...then that's what she'll do. She's either the rock or the soil to your water of love and friendship, and she must choose to become the soil to your water NOW. Otherwise, all the water in the world will still take aeons to bring the rock to soil through attrition (erosion, LOL). With this understanding of reality, even friendship is very, very limited...but if you choose to give it and share it, it is an act of immeasurable grace and immeasurable love...and it allows you to be true to your heart and your nature. Meanwhile, however, a mutually loving partnership at this time would be basically impossible, EVEN IF she freely offered it. And if you penetrate her and then it almost assuredly ends, even your limited friendship is gone. Probably at least for this lifetime.

Just know that...know that deep in your heart...and choose wisely.
Peace & blessings
7L

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Delay_Reaction

Hi Luminaries,

Again, there is a lot of wisdom in your words.

It is strange since all of her dialogue to me is on the surface very positive. She doesn't get angry at me for anything i do. She can be open with me about her feelings towards other men. She shares her deepest passions with me more than with anyone else. She can be more honest with me than with others because i rarely judge her. She loves me and i know this without her having to say it. It is maybe the basis for the perfect friendship.

....but i want more. The life partnership. We simply should be.

I agree with you that all of the inner chaos in her life would surface if we got together physically. I had a glimpse of it already during our brief affair. But when things were going well, it was magical, as if time and space didn't matter. We simply were.

It saddens me that she doesn't want this as much as i do.

There is still that one thread that is keeping me from detaching. I still find myself thinking about her (feelings alternating between anger/frustration & love/understanding) and when i start thinking positive thoughts again (like now), that is when she reaches out to me.

Even when i say not to contact me, it is like that request doesn't register in her brain and she does so anyway when she feels the pull.

This connection is truly baffling.

Delay...my friend...
If she truly is a close soul connection...and I believe you do love her at the soul level...

Then I'm sorry to say, but in this lifetime, you have one of the less desirable outcomes. She is in a rubbish place, she is probably incapable of long-term monogamy or of authentic love in partnership. For the foreseeable future, and very possibly for this lifetime.

So your realistic choices are 1) pursue partnership and get continually rejected whilst she screws around 2) pursue partnership and get the slash & burn treatment whilst she screws around and/or leaves you 3) pursue friendship ONLY, extend love & support as a friend, and try not to be too put off or affronted by the poor character and base behaviour of your friend.

Option #3 is the only one that makes sense. Most men would say (sadly) oh forget it, if I can't have sex with her or be her sexual partner, who gives a damn?
BUT since you have a deep soul connection with her, which is from Universe in all its mystery, then there is value to having her in your life as a person and as a friend...AS LONG AS she can treat you with decency and respect and values your friendship. If you don't want to hear too much about her feelings for or sexual activities with other men, then say so... A real friend will respect your feelings too...it's not all about her and what she wants.

The thing is, she is the female equivalent of the cad who can't keep it in his pants. If you were a woman who had a soul love for this man and considered him as a partner despite all that -- well, you know damn well how it would end if you got together physically. Badly. Really just terribly. You know he'd screw around forever and eventually you'd leave.

It's going to be the same thing here. It doesn't matter if there are always moments when you can feel or even see the love in her eyes. It doesn't matter if the sex is wonderful, because of the connection. Because a partnership for the long haul is not about moments of eye gazing or shagging. Even great shagging which gents fantasise about with glazed eyes. Because if she is a close soul connection and there is a deep love between your souls, yes, the love will always be there. And yes the sex would be amazing, until and unless her nasty behaviour began to drive a wedge into your heart and suck the joy out of what should have been a moment of sacred intimacy. That 5% will always be amazing. Always. Until perhaps one day it's not so much, due to all the pain in your heart.

But if 95% of your life is miserable because she is toxic and immature, all the love in the world can't save it. You can't fix all the rubbish and pain she's caused and will cause over months and years with 20 minute of great sex here and there. The misery, exploitation, and abuse are caustic. And she can't stop doing it and causing the harm. Being toxic and unfaithful...that's who she is. You love her regardless, but she will take all partnerships and boil them down to dust.

I know it's hard to accept but the world is full of toxic, nasty, cruel, and/or unfaithful, greedy, insatiable folks -- many of whom have deep soul connections with others who will always love them, no matter how **** poor they are as characters and as people. Those lucky [illigitimates].

You got one of those deals. You will always love her...because you love her soul. That's a beautiful thing and God is she lucky. But this woman is not partnership material. And YOU deserve better in a partnership. Particularly in a life partnership. It looks like your spiritual challenge IMO this lifetime is to learn to love a woman authentically in friendship. She may be a real user..and so she may not even be great friendship material. It's a real challenge, and it's yours to handle as best you can, being sure to love yourself equally to her. Taking time for you and being sure to let her know what you can and cannot tolerate in your friendship.

That's why I say...let the love flow and don't bottle it up or deny it, even if you need to take a break to sort it. But that's why I also say, keep it to friendship only, for YOUR sake, and take all the time you need to come back around to friendship only.

Peace & blessings mate
7L