Why I run

[Angel44]

Author Jeff Brown has the best explanation as to why people run:

"Sometimes people walk away from love because it is so beautiful that it terrifies them. Sometimes they leave because the connection shines a bright light on their dark places and they are not ready to work them through. Sometimes they run away because they are not developmentally prepared to merge with another—they have more individuation work to do
first. Sometimes they take off because love is not a priority in their lives —they have another path and purpose to walk first. Sometimes they end it because they prefer a relationship that is more practical than conscious, one that does not threaten the ways that they organize reality. Because so many of us carry shame, we have a tendency to personalize love’s leavings, triggered by the rejection and feelings of abandonment. But this is not always true. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us. Sometimes the one who leaves is just not ready to hold it safe. Sometimes they know something we don’t—they know their limits at that moment in time. Real love is no easy path: Readiness is everything. May we grieve loss without personalizing it. May we learn to love ourselves in the absence of the lover." (~an excerpt from Jeff Brown's book 'An Uncommon Bond')

It's how the twin flame system works - the chaser always blames the runner
who is terrified or not ready or can't cope with rejection or needs to work on themselves... whatever.

Never that he just isn't interested or the romance/sex has reached its limits
and he's moving on, or he's fed up with the pestering and demands - all for
what? To constrain him, to chain him down and he doesn't want it.

The same can be felt by women of course. If some bloke came up to me and
declared me his twin-flame I'd say, "On yer bike, matey." Eternal marriage?
Forget it. Easy for me, I have a complete soul so need no other half to make it
whole.

Just a blame-game reaction.
We own our emotions - useless to blame someone else for them.

♥

[Helix6]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

It's how the twin flame system works - the chaser always blames the runner
who is terrified or not ready or can't cope with rejection or needs to work on themselves... whatever.


♥

In my case it's my "runner" who blames me !! Blames me for having disturbed his "tranquillity" and ruined his conception of life.
He made fun of me ironizing about potential "chakras we could share" but that is very curious and funny irony unmasking him...meaning he started to search I only asked him about a particular bond he could have felt ...lol. When I read the word "chakra" my heart bumped as hell!! He let the cat out of the bag I was very surprised he used this term...anyway he told me something like "what does it mean , you are fan of astrology and we share some best friends chakras or more like you feel a connection which goes beyond friendship " what the heeeeelll
He said all I had in MIND. And I realized he Felt all this finally !! And even started seeking for what it means...

Then he added "Im confused". Well...I know that.

But please everyone consider one thing : the runner is not the runner you think. The runner is YOU (the chaser). Because by seeking an answer outside of YOU, blaming your supposed "runner" twin for running away from you, you just keep focusing on EXTERNAL stuff. The work must be done INSIDE. Then the other twin will naturally align with your evolution. The more you chase, the more you add time before the reunion.
The runner is the chaser, because he keeps seeking a solution from outside and he simply runs from himself.
Both are runners as they mirror each other issues.

[Delay_Reaction]

I'm not sure how long I can keep this up, but at the moment I feel quite at peace with my decision to block this person out of my life. By doing so, she knows to stay away. Maybe she thinks I hate her, but that would be far from the truth.

In truth, I love her, but this was just too overwhelming for me knowing how strong this connection is.

To those asking if she is shy: we have had romantic liaisons at two different periods in the last 3 years, so no, being shy is not an issue for her. I can not be "that" guy who she comes running back to every time her romantic life falls apart. It's not fair to me. I want stability and commitment and not flights of fancy.

Isn't it possible to send her a kindly message along those lines - sort of "I love you and I'd love to talk with you but you refuse to talk back, just keep sending me songs which is doing me/us no good. So I have to block you until you're ready to carry this forward more sensibly. If there's one thing twins do it's talk to each other. When you're ready to, pls txt me." or something similar geared more to the details of the impasse. Meanwhile, prepare to move on.

As you hint at saying, you know her a lot better than us here.

☼

[Delay_Reaction]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Isn't it possible to send her a kindly message along those lines - sort of "I love you and I'd love to talk with you but you refuse to talk back, just keep sending me songs which is doing me/us no good. So I have to block you until you're ready to carry this forward more sensibly. If there's one thing twins do it's talk to each other. When you're ready to, pls txt me." or something similar geared more to the details of the impasse. Meanwhile, prepare to move on.

As you hint at saying, you know her a lot better than us here.

☼

I actually had the same idea in mind. It's just that I am trying to get away from all of the instant messaging. Actually, the chances of running into her in person are high, and I would rather tell her then, when I'm ready of course.

[o0A0o]

My immediate thought on this, (not being familiar with you or other posts you have made), is that this person has trouble talking about this topic and the songs are meant to speak for them. Some people feel grossly inadequate speaking about the depth of life or love. They do not have the vocabulary and/or the feeling is too close to put into words. You will never get anywhere if you insist on the other person doing things your way. Seems like all of the TF descriptions suggest you would have something EXACTLY like this to deal with especially given this is something important to one of you......you can articulate deep feelings of importance while the other person has difficulty with it. Why don't you try communicating THEIR way for a change? Find a song that speaks for you. Maybe something inside them will shift and they will find a way to do more your way in the process having experienced receiving communication their way and seeing you make the effort.

[eliana israel]

You don't sound like a runner. You're very upfront with what you want out of the relationship. Very upfront with how you would like to communicate with her. It sounds like you block her out of annoyance or frustration.

[Delay_Reaction]

Originally Posted by o0A0o

Why don't you try communicating THEIR way for a change? Find a song that speaks for you. Maybe something inside them will shift and they will find a way to do more your way in the process having experienced receiving communication their way and seeing you make the effort.

To be fair we have done that already. Sending cryptic songs, quotes and pictures back and forth for years.

We've also gone through periods of deep contact, where we've shared our deepest secrets, dreams and fears.

It's just too much to have to go through peaks and valleys like that.

Maybe.. just maybe.. after some time, we will finally be able to get to a point where there are no more peaks and valleys.

I see potential for us, but I do not have the energy to keep this up. Nor can I keep forgiving her whenever she finds another to validate her worthiness. I need a break from it all. I can't keep waiting for a SHIFT to happen. Besides, when either of us want to make a change, it's not up to the other to make the effort. If I am a catalyst for her, then that's the best I can hope for.

Wishing someone the best is the only option, while removing myself form her life.

[Delay_Reaction]

Originally Posted by eliana israel

You don't sound like a runner. You're very upfront with what you want out of the relationship. Very upfront with how you would like to communicate with her. It sounds like you block her out of annoyance or frustration.

That's essentially what it is. After you've dealt with someone for a while and know their habits, you eventually tire of rehashing the same thing over and over.

I have done everything with the exception of forcing myself upon her.

If we are not in a relationship after all of this time, then why are we still talking?

Also, continuing this kind of relationship sets a dangerous precedent. It makes us believe that nobody is good enough and makes it even more difficult to get into a relationship with others.