Thoughts on affairs in marriage

[Silver]

When I was in a committed relationship years way long ago, we went to a couple of parties or visited his friends and I ended up being cornered by the hub while he's making smoochie faces at wifey on the couch, I squeezed between the wall and him to see this, and cleared my throat, he got up and that was the end of that...the party, omg, so funny. omg. nothing happened but I knew what was going down the next day. I'm as frisky as the next person, but when I love someone, it just feels right to be loyal. But I judge no one for cheating as there's 'wild horses' inside a person when it strikes and always lots more to the two sides of the story.

Originally Posted by Drewcious281

yeah i could never share my girlfriend or wife. She is mine and mine only. I do know a married couple that are swingers. One time they invited me to thier house for a party and it turned out to be a small swingers gathering. i flipped out. He later told me that him and his wife are madly in love but by them going and just having sex with others, no strings attached actually makes thier love stronger. i sorta understand because they are still able to explore knowing that they are still coming home to true love but i could not do this one bit!

Amen to that! I just can't fathom purposely sharing my woman with anyone. But hey, to each his own. I'm not downing anyones lifestyle.

Originally Posted by Drewcious281

There are some good points but just because its a part of life in todays society does not make it right. This makes it hard to trust anyone these days.

If you have trust in your own self, then nobody can ever betray you. By trust I mean that you trust you are able to survive when a loved one disappoints and proves to be imperfect. When a loved one acts in a way contrary to how we desperately need them to act for our own sense of security. It's only when we have that sort of trust in our own selves that we are truly capable of loving others, because it has a way of freeing things up so our partners can be who they truly are, and not who we need them to be.

Originally Posted by Drewcious281

yeah i could never share my girlfriend or wife.

Wait, you have both a girlfriend AND a wife?

This is a topic that you could argue back and forward on both sides indefinately! Cheating...it's just everywhere isn't it. Seems like everyday there is a new "scandal" on the news about some high profile person and their cheating lifestyles.

Do I want this type of lifestyle for me? No. Why? Because I value love and trust and intimacy in a relationship. Cheating is hiding something, and lying and excluding the person you are supposed to be closest too.

Do I think people can get over it? Yes. But it's going to take a long time, and be a hard road, and it depends on both parties to start communicating seriously and honestly, and this was obviously missing for it to have happened in the first place.
It also depends on the who, what, how.... who can blame Elin Woods for not forgiving Tiger?
But sometimes we make mistakes, should a dedicated husband and father at least try to be forgiven if one night in 15 years he accidently drinks a bit much and ends up somewhere he shouldn't be, feeling sick and remorseful the next day, he confesses all to his wife, as he knows he couldn't live with this awful secret. Does he deserve a chance?

Cheating takes place usually because a person isn't happy. If only we could all learn to communicate our unhappiness and issues to our partners, without feeling judged.
Nowadays it is just so easy to cheat if one really wants to. Computers, cellphones, etc etc. Someone once joked to me that years ago he had an affair on his first wife and had to make the excuse that he'd taken up running, so he could run down to the local phone box on the street corner, and call his girlfriend up. It wasn't as easy as nowadays.

Sex aside, it is the issues of trust and betrayal that have to be dealt with, and those issues can come up about others things in a relationship, money matters, etc.

So not really an answer to the question, but just more food for thought.

[Xan]

Originally Posted by Silvergirl

...while he's making smoochie faces at wifey on the couch, I squeezed between the wall and him to see this, and cleared my throat, he got up and that was the end of that...the party, omg, so funny. omg. nothing 'happened' but I knew what was going down the next day. I'm as frisky as the next person, but when I love someone, it just feels right to be loyal. But I judge no one for 'cheating' as there's 'wild horses' inside a person when 'it' strikes and always lots more to the two sides of the story (sorry for all the quotes, lol).

Silvergirl... I appreciate the humor in your view of life... in this and many other posts.


Xan

[Silver]

I think this is a good thread for this time of year, with lots of parties, get-togethers and probably the time of year when an awful lot of possibilities occur.

I just can't see what love has to do with confining anybody.
How on God's green Earth can you LOVE somebody with conditions such as monogamy?

If somebody told me that they'd love me on the condition that I'd spend the duration as their property, I don't think I'd be too impressed with their reasons to love me.

I've never cheated btw. But was that supposed to be a 'sacrifice', and for what?

Marriage is one thing... love is another. Personally I think that we put way too much pressure on ourselves being 'faithful' if love is not present. Know that by starting an affair it will impinge on your marriage. Quite frankly indulging in an affair whilst wanting to create your marriage is beyond me but if you don't want to create your marriage then go for it...we grab love where we can....

I suppose standards have to be talked about before stepping over to the marriage stage of the relationship. If you're fine about your wife having sex with other men and she is fine with you having sex with other woman than that is your deal.