Thoughts on affairs in marriage

[Native spirit]

I Myself would have been married 23 years but my husband passed away. i know of ppl of both scenarios getting together again after an affair, for the marrage to be made stronger,
i have seen a marrage fail because of it, to me its a matter of trust if you dont have trust you have nothing,


Namaste

I have cheated, and I have been cheated on

What I have learned is that every body has the capacity to cheat. Bodies are tempting, thats all there is to it. We might swear up and down that we would never cheat but when it comes down to the situation and your body is telling you yes, it might just happen.

What we need to take from that is that what happens with our bodies is really not as important as we think it is. If you love someone, and use another person's body; does that mean you no longer love the one you're with. No, it just means you are being ruled by your desires.

Trust is trust, and most people will promise that they are to be trusted, and you would never know the difference because they hide what they are doing so well. The truth is cheating is a part of life in today's society, because from an early age and up we are being sexually stimulated. We are repeatedly shown sexual images. In fact, many of us equate love with sex.

Originally Posted by konrard

I have cheated, and I have been cheated on

What I have learned is that every body has the capacity to cheat. Bodies are tempting, thats all there is to it. We might swear up and down that we would never cheat but when it comes down to the situation and your body is telling you yes, it might just happen.

What we need to take from that is that what happens with our bodies is really not as important as we think it is. If you love someone, and use another person's body; does that mean you no longer love the one you're with. No, it just means you are being ruled by your desires.

Trust is trust, and most people will promise that they are to be trusted, and you would never know the difference because they hide what they are doing so well. The truth is cheating is a part of life in today's society, because from an early age and up we are being sexually stimulated. We are repeatedly shown sexual images. In fact, many of us equate love with sex.

There are some good points but just because its a part of life in todays society does not make it right. This makes it hard to trust anyone these days.

Originally Posted by Drewcious281

There are some good points but just because its a part of life in todays society does not make it right. This makes it hard to trust anyone these days.

I agree. Cheating is a very hurtful thing. But we should not condemn those that do it either.

If you love someone and I mean romantically love someone I don't feel it's possible to cheat. I just don't think people in love even have the thought cross their mind. I think the problem is if one partner does cheat and the other partner is still in love with them the action has monumental consequences and usually because of lack of trust the relationship ends. That being said not all marriages are based off romantic love so they can't really be viewed in the same way...some marriages are based off friendships, some off convenience etc so if one partner does stray the other partner usually isn't quite so invested in the relationship which makes things a bit easier to get over.

[earthwanderess]

My husband and I agreed that when we married that we would share every part of our selves with other's except for sex. Sex is the one thing we share only with each other.

I think a marriage is a living thing and it is healthiest when both partners can evolve and adapt to the needs of the other. Life happens. If spouses are completely unwilling to adjust expectations when difficult situations present themselves, they have not committed to love unconditionally. I think it is wrong to blame one person and call them a cheater, but I am aware that mine is a minority point of view on this subject.

I do, however, think the term "emotional affair" is the most hateful invention that mankind ever conceived. It is one thing to promise not to engage in sexual relations with another for the rest of your life, but to assume that your partner should never again experience ANY kind of love from any source outside your family is nothing more than a morality based hostage situation.

Love is free and beautiful and harmless. Expectations are what cause all the grief and suffering.

Originally Posted by konrard

I agree. Cheating is a very hurtful thing. But we should not condemn those that do it either.

I dont condem people who do it cause i have many friends that have at one point or another but i may give them **** for it if they had a good partner. people need a reality kick to the face sometimes. Ive never cheated cause i believe in loyalty but its a sad thing thats a hard thing to come by now days.

[athribiristan]

Originally Posted by lightworkerAu

I hope this dony upset anyone out there, but I am not at all a jealous person.
If I se someone touching my wife I think of it as she is bringing them happiness and vice versa. one of my best friends is a girl and she trusts me with here to go out and do stuff with. For me it wouldn't be detrimental. lol a couple of nights ago I hada dream I woke up with my wife's boyfriend next to us in bed ( the one that doesn't exist at all except in my dream). I told her about the dream the next day and told her I dont mind this arrangement ...long as I get to share him too lol. JK

I feel this way as well. I have actually given my wife permission to have relationships with other men. She doesn't because she believes in monogamy, and I respect that and remain faithful to her. Still not sure how an affair would affect the marriage but frankly I feel no desire to find out.

[Lightspirit]

Originally Posted by athribiristan

I feel this way as well. I have actually given my wife permission to have relationships with other men. She doesn't because she believes in monogamy, and I respect that and remain faithful to her. Still not sure how an affair would affect the marriage but frankly I feel no desire to find out.

What I meant by that is if one of my mates is wrestling with her or she sits on his lap for a laugh, I dont freak out and get all jealous. I think it is great that they are having fun even if it doesn't include me. Likewise of she chose to go out for lunch with a friend that is a guy I would encourage her. We often joke around about if she had sex with another guy I wouldnt mind as long as she didnt wear him out and left me some of him for after she's finished... and i prefer brunettes but not too muscly. All jokes I am not gay, but we aren't all hung up on it. She does the same back to me but usually tells me I can have all the peroxide blondes with black regrowth. Neither of us would cheat. we couldnt we are too in love.



If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours....