i need an answer

hey guys.....i really need some help here...i want to know where did i go wrong in judging the person......for 2 yrs a guy was after me even if i refused him a lots of time.but he was persistent in proposing me.....saying that all garbage 'i love u'kinda things to me.eventually i fell for him.i started feeling for him.and when he had his way with me.....he abused me and said he never loved me.....now what was all that **** den?i was only wrong to trust him and that tooo after thinking for 2 yrs.what is my fault?i am not able to still figure it out.....help me plz...i probably don't know hw to judge people....


Edited by SF Staff

I went through the same thing at one point, when I trusted someone who simply used me as a means to get through a rut in his life and turned to violence to solve the incompatibilities that arose when he dropped his charade. Sometimes it's a problem with judgment, because even amongst the most wily there can be signs, and sometimes it's just the simple fact that there are nasty people in this world, and occasionally they excel at manipulation to a degree that's nothing short of frightening. Could be a little of both, but don't beat yourself up over it - it happens, to perfectly reasonable people who just overlook something. One of the worst things abusers can do is make the person they hurt believe they deserved it, or that they brought it on themselves. That is, however, utter garbage.


Edited by SF Staff

[Xan]

shyogal... It was bad, but I guess you learned something from it all.

We get a better sense of where people are at by being more in touch with our inner heart. That's where intuition lies.

Here's a way how to do that: Heart Meditations - http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=4106


Xan

thanx to u both...ur words have wisdom.....but that means we can't trust anyone in this world....i myself thought that 2 yrs is long enough time to trust someone.....but i guess i was wrong.....no matter how long it is.....one can never be able to see the true face of person unless and untill he suffers.....

It’s unfortunate but there are people who make a game out of ‘collecting people’ and they can be quite determined to make the conquest and add a notch to their belt.

Thankfully, the important lesson you might have learned here is to trust your instincts and intuition.

If you managed to hold him off for two years, something inside of you was trying to say “No way!”

Maybe next time you’ll want to listen to it.

Forget about it and move on. It’s his loss.

Don’t let it colour future relationships.

Just pay attention to that gut feeling. It won’t let you down, it’s a part of you. Listen to it and say safe.

[Xan]

Originally Posted by shgoyal

thanx to u both...ur words have wisdom.....but that means we can't trust anyone in this world....i myself thought that 2 yrs is long enough time to trust someone.....but i guess i was wrong.....no matter how long it is.....one can never be able to see the true face of person unless and untill he suffers.....

shgoyal... I was hoping that 'you can't trust anyone' was Not what you learned from your experience. Many people are sincere and trustworthy, just not that guy.

One can see the true face of a person when they see their own true face... their inner being. This is what you can trust no matter what others do.


Xan

Learning to turn within to your intuition and LISTEN to it, is how we learn to trust again. Your FIRST instinct was correct... but he kept pushing you. Next time you will listen to your gut and say, hmm no and this time stick WITH that gut feeling. :)

It's difficult but you did learn that your gut is and was correct in judging the character, you just got snowballed into not listening to it.

Originally Posted by shgoyal

thanx to u both...ur words have wisdom.....but that means we can't trust anyone in this world....i myself thought that 2 yrs is long enough time to trust someone.....but i guess i was wrong.....no matter how long it is.....one can never be able to see the true face of person unless and untill he suffers.....

We have to take the bad with the good. In loving people and enjoying the company of others, we'll occasionally get something other than what we bargained for, but it's a skill we continue to hone. If you don't feel like sticking your neck out again so soon, then there's really no need to push yourself, but don't make denying yourself human connection out of fear a way of life.

How is your relationship with your father or the male carer you grew up with?