My soulmate question/issue...

Deleted....

Originally Posted by QT Pie

Awesome analogy, and the button up is made of pure gold hahaha

Thank you. I caved and ordered some.

[starnight1]

Sam.I.Am, how long have u been with this soulmate? I feel from your words u r very mature in your spirit...I had a similar relationship with someone much elder but it failed....and u r right I actually still unclear what I really want, towards men and the whole world. I m on my way on my inner healing and growth and then on this growing steps I m meeting men for now, this is what is happening for now.

I had trauma from my own father and other relatives and different abuse(including sexual child abuse), so like u said, I v been closing my heart(actually heart chakra was blocked) , so now when I m getting more and more progress, the heart is starting to open by itself, third eye is also opening more.....but I still have some fear towards men.

same time, I m afraid to hurt others. I don't know how to turn away the pizza.
when I recall my past, my relationships mostly came from the pizza that I was afraid to refuse.
so, it seems, I only just accept the pizza coming to my table.
I was passive character, maybe still is.
or maybe my feminine soul not totally fixed yet ,she isn't really waken enough.....

but now I m adult, and I have an educated mind in many other ways. and well liked by people around me.I m very careful cos I m afraid I will not know what to do if attract back more male energies....because I don't know who is who and what to do the next still......

for this younger man, yes he made it clear for romance, and he will be able to do a friendship too for the beginning and then let it go from there, he is a spiritual smart man, very capable too,...but right now he is still in those kind of passion, and I don't know how to slow down him to the direction of friendship....

[Sam.I.Am]

Originally Posted by starnight1

Sam.I.Am, how long have u been with this soulmate? I feel from your words u r very mature in your spirit...I had a similar relationship with someone much elder but it failed....and u r right I actually still unclear what I really want, towards men and the whole world. I m on my way on my inner healing and growth and then on this growing steps I m meeting men for now, this is what is happening for now.

I had trauma from my own father and other relatives and different abuse(including sexual child abuse), so like u said, I v been closing my heart(actually heart chakra was blocked) , so now when I m getting more and more progress, the heart is starting to open by itself, third eye is also opening more.....but I still have some fear towards men.

same time, I m afraid to hurt others. I don't know how to turn away the pizza.
when I recall my past, my relationships mostly came from the pizza that I was afraid to refuse.

so, it seems, I only just accept the pizza coming to my table.
I was passive character, maybe still is.
or maybe my feminine soul not totally fixed yet ,she isn't really waken enough.....

but now I m adult, and I have an educated mind in many other ways. and well liked by people around me.I m very careful cos I m afraid I will not know what to do if attract back more male energies....because I don't know who is who and what to do the next still......

for this younger man, yes he made it clear for romance, and he will be able to do a friendship too for the beginning and then let it go from there, he is a spiritual smart man, very capable too,...but right now he is still in those kind of passion, and I don't know how to slow down him to the direction of friendship....

Oops, my bad. I thought I mentioned how long we've been friends. We met about 4 years ago and then reconnected in December 2016. To be honest, I was just starting my spiritual journey at that time, so I'm definitely not as mature with all of this as I sound

If you don't mind, can I ask what happened with that first relationship? With the older man? What caused it to end?

As far as relationships go, this is the first guy that I've really connected with. I don't have a lot of friends, male or female. My SM and I connected through yoga and continued to connect as we began to learn more about each other and our eery life paths and similarities.

I can definitely understand what you're coming from as far as not knowing what you want from men and from a relationship. I think having experienced past traumas, we are still in "fear mode." We're so used to fending off danger that that becomes our main focus, rather than acknowledging the positive qualities in a relationship and building off of those.

Is there anything different about this particular soul connection for you? Do you feel as though the love is stronger or that perhaps the lesson is deeper? Again, I'm just curious more so than anything else.

For me, my SM is basically me in male form. I could have never imagined him, but he's everything that I've ever wanted and ever needed. He's my biggest, motivator, supporter, cheerleader. He's loved me stronger than any man that I have ever known and just "gets me." As much as he drives me crazy, nobody compares to him. With all of my fear, I'm still drawn back to him. It's inexplicable.

My heart chakra has definitely opened through all of this, but I still find myself getting sucked back into fear. I have severe anxiety and depression to begin with and it's been hard for me to rationalize exactly what's happening. I almost wondering if your SC is feeling the same way. Somehow, categorizing a relationship and calling it romantic/platonic or whatever, makes it a little less scary in the grand scheme of thing. I know for me, my biggest fear (probably from past abandonment issues) has been "Where is this all going?"

Not sure if I quite understand the whole pizza analogy here. It's making me more hungry than anything else . Either way, I think you really have to take into consideration what you're really looking at here. I think you have a man in your life who you really admire, doesn't matter in what way, shape, or form. Let's be honest--you wouldn't be posting on a forum if you didn't care about him. But, I think you're trying to answer questions analytically, when really, the Universe is the only source that holds the answers you seek. That, and your heart

It sounds to me like your SC isn't putting any pressure on you to "make up your mind." Just seems like you're trying to play tug-of-war in your head, trying to figure out side will win, your heart or your mind.

This could be totally irrelevant, but what's really helped me in calming my anxiety has been placing myself in my SM's shoes. Have you taken some time to consider what he's been through or what fears of his are surfacing because of the connection he has with you? Have you shared your fears with him? I know you said that you were trying to set boundaries with all of this...

I just feel like it's essentially to keep yourself grounded in all of this. Basically, stop looking at your SC as if he's a SC. Crazy, right?! But, I mean in the grand scheme of things, he's just another human being with flaws, imperfections and insecurities. You just so happen to have a stronger energetic connection with him than you do with other people on this planet.

Calm down, be yourself, continue to heal in whatever ways you can, and follow your heart. That's your job. Let the Universe take care of the rest.

[starnight1]

U r lucky and actually mature , u don't realize it maybe:)

the relationship I had with elder man ended cos I woke up that was a father-daughter love......I lacked fatherly love, but I didn't know it. I lost a real romance because of this man, cos in that time I was confused and only demanding fatherly love.
because my own confusion it hurt both of us finally, ended in a bad way....

and yes , i still have more fear than benefit about any future relationship...
it seems i m anallyzing too much here online, i m actually still stuck a bit of my brain, forum is helpful for me to know clearer.

now this younger friend doesn't put me pressure, u r right about this.....he just stays silent and keeps doing by himself, but he disappears from normal activities. maybe he will be back later when he calms down and will be a friend again.... its a struggle and hurt of my own inbalance of heart and mind, it triggers a lot things inside myself.
also I m worrying about him, he is making decision for his career and a few important things, but he is involving wrong groups and bad dangerous friends, that's why I m in anxiety.
this care is nothing related to romantic, though. I see him as my family .
I m not close to my own family, so I see those friends r my family.

[happyhaunts03]

I haven't read all of the responses, so forgive me, but I got caught up on the age difference thing. If you have that connection, it truly does not need to matter. My parents had a 30 year age difference. One of them tried to fight the connection, but sometimes, the connection is stronger than you. They were together 20 years before the older parent died. 20 happy years. Wouldn't you rather have 20 happy years than be alone because of an age difference?

[starnight1]

Originally Posted by happyhaunts03

I haven't read all of the responses, so forgive me, but I got caught up on the age difference thing. If you have that connection, it truly does not need to matter. My parents had a 30 year age difference. One of them tried to fight the connection, but sometimes, the connection is stronger than you. They were together 20 years before the older parent died. 20 happy years. Wouldn't you rather have 20 happy years than be alone because of an age difference?

wow....it's very rare ....
may I guess your father is 30 year elder?
usually if man is big difference it seems still works, but if woman....u know we women will have some female system change when we enter 40s or later, but the man can keep young for a very long time....
maybe I worry too much....

[Sam.I.Am]

Originally Posted by starnight1

U r lucky and actually mature , u don't realize it maybe:)

the relationship I had with elder man ended cos I woke up that was a father-daughter love......I lacked fatherly love, but I didn't know it. I lost a real romance because of this man, cos in that time I was confused and only demanding fatherly love.
because my own confusion it hurt both of us finally, ended in a bad way....

and yes , i still have more fear than benefit about any future relationship...
it seems i m anallyzing too much here online, i m actually still stuck a bit of my brain, forum is helpful for me to know clearer.

now this younger friend doesn't put me pressure, u r right about this.....he just stays silent and keeps doing by himself, but he disappears from normal activities. maybe he will be back later when he calms down and will be a friend again.... its a struggle and hurt of my own inbalance of heart and mind, it triggers a lot things inside myself.
also I m worrying about him, he is making decision for his career and a few important things, but he is involving wrong groups and bad dangerous friends, that's why I m in anxiety.
this care is nothing related to romantic, though. I see him as my family .
I m not close to my own family, so I see those friends r my family.

Thank you :). However, I actually really like how happyhaunts03 summed everything up. Really puts things into perspective and makes you stop and think

How long were you with this older man? Was there romance from the beginning or was that just the natural progression of things? I ask because I feel like the timing and dynamics can make a huge difference in these types of connections.

It almost sounds like you had a romantic interest for him since the get-go and found out that later on in the relationship, you didn't really feel that type of way for him. I can imagine that that must have thrown you for quite the loop. It seems like you were greatly traumatized from that experience.

I had a similar experience with a man right before I went off to college. I made the intention clear to him that I was looking for a teacher/mentor and/or father/daughter relationship. Well, of course, I developed strong feelings for him as time went on--romantic feelings that is. And, that sparked a huge disconnect between us and needless to say, things ended very badly.

Yes. For me, that situation was extremely traumatic. As a matter of fact, I let it destroy me for a long time. But, with that being said, everything that happened was a major blessing. I really feel like the Universe helped me dodge a bullet by taking him out of my life. And, thank God for that!

I don't know what I can say to you to make you feel better about all of this. We need trusting, loyal, and loving caretakers in our lives to be able to trust the process of love. And, when you don't have that, things get very challenging.

As women who did not grow up with a stable father-figure, we have to rely on our instincts more to point out the red-flags in a relationship. That in and of itself, is a challenge, because we didn't have a model (like a father) to exemplify desired and non-desired characteristics. We have to create our own model. And, that will only happen through a lot of trial and error.

You seem to have a pretty strong instinct, but sound like you have a very over-analytical nature. I'm the same way. The need to analyze is a result of fear and that our instinct is innately wrong, because we've had poor relationships in the past. This is where you need to retrain your brain. Not every relationship or energetic connection is the same--even if the dynamics look similar on paper.

Have you tried journaling? That's really helped me start the process of shifting through all of my emotions. If writing's not your thing, you can even start with a simple mindfulness exercise. Here's two that would probably help you the most:

1.) I tend to obsessively think and worry, especially irrational about situations that haven't yet manifested. I do this often, but more commonly when I'm bored or not intellectually stimulated. So the process is simply, when you have negative/undesirable, fear based thoughts, acknowledge them, and then quickly shift your attention to something else. It could be a craft project, a movie, going for a run---whatever you like to do. The idea is to not encase yourself inside of your thinking.

2.) The second is another mindfulness exercise. At the beginning of the day, place a bracelet on your wrist. Every time you have a anxious thought, switch the bracelet to the opposing wrist and tally on a sheet of paper. At the end of the day, using a journal to reflect, note when you had anxious thoughts and what brought those thoughts to the surface. Continue with a meditation practice to further awareness.

I think in a lot of ways, your friend can sense your energy and is distancing himself from you because of that. He can tell that your anxious and that perhaps, he's the cause. Therefore, he doesn't want to stress you out further. Is that not a form of love to you? I mean sure, it's not the airy-fairy love that we're all used to, but it sounds to me like he's giving you what you want. He's just not with the right friend group, and that to you is not love because he's not respecting your wishes by being around the "right types" of people.

I just don't understand what's so wrong with plain, old love. What's wrong with brotherly, sisterly, or even fatherly love? You worry about him because you love him. You just don't love him, at the moment, in a romantic way. I think instead of worrying about what type of love this is or isn't, maybe you should take some time to thank the Universe for your blessings. Pure love, no matter what form, is so rare. Why not just take it and enjoy it?

[starnight1]

Sam.I.Am, I do keep a journal but I feel it doesn't help me to solve deep issues, I need interaction , u mentioned my friend maybe sense my energy and is distancing himself, and it maybe really the situation, u see....if u don't tell me, I will keep blaming myself .

I have had PTSD, I feel I m okay now but maybe those things still there.

and u r right ,what's wrong with brotherly, sisterly or even fatherly love?
in fact, all of them can become romantic love, too.....
and ur intuition is correct that at the beginning I was romanticly with that elder man,but as time goes I feel he is so similar as my birth father, I started to take care of him financially mentally physically, he was alcoholic and went to nightclubs a lot, those lifestyle made me exhausted.

QT Pie mentioned if we live from soul level, every one is our soulmate.
I m pondering this, I feel from the soul level means connecting directly with source, right?

[Sam.I.Am]

Originally Posted by starnight1

Sam.I.Am, I do keep a journal but I feel it doesn't help me to solve deep issues, I need interaction , u mentioned my friend maybe sense my energy and is distancing himself, and it maybe really the situation, u see....if u don't tell me, I will keep blaming myself .

I have had PTSD, I feel I m okay now but maybe those things still there.

and u r right ,what's wrong with brotherly, sisterly or even fatherly love?
in fact, all of them can become romantic love, too.....
and ur intuition is correct that at the beginning I was romanticly with that elder man,but as time goes I feel he is so similar as my birth father, I started to take care of him financially mentally physically, he was alcoholic and went to nightclubs a lot, those lifestyle made me exhausted.

QT Pie mentioned if we live from soul level, every one is our soulmate.
I m pondering this, I feel from the soul level means connecting directly with source, right?

Ok. I can understand where you're coming from here. You desire connection and feel like you're not getting connection, right? Makes sense. But, why are you looking outside of yourself for fulfillment? You need to create your own inner peace, and you're the only person who can provide that for yourself.

Trust me, it's hard. But, eventually you come to the place where you think to yourself "How much more beautiful could this connection be if I just started to work on me and loving myself more?" Coming from someone who is notoriously horrible at getting out of the anxiety and just taking care of myself, it's not easy. But, you need to get yourself on the right energy vibration--not just for this situation, but for all connections.

You mentioned what QT pie had said about soul connections. Yes--everyone can in fact be your soulmate. Your soul operates off of truth, love, and authenticity by pursuing the life that you were meant to live. The idea is that once you begin to. operate from a place of love, not fear, and start to live your truth, you essentially become love.

To receive love, you need to embody love. If you're operating from your ego, a part of yourself consumed with fear, you will only receive fear in return. That's why people say that love and fear cannot operate on the same place. So yes, it's connecting to the Source, trusting your divine mission, and slowly working to replace fear with the faith that the Universe has your back and best interest at heart.