My Past Life's Nightmare. Please help

Hey 1st time posting. I dont want to sound this dramatic but I need to vent myself.
I need insight into my lifes oddity. It has come to my attention that something is deeply disturbing and wrong with my family and I. I was abused as a kid by my parents. they accused me of very intense sins or very bad karmic set of events
I was something awful in a past live. im a pretty nice guy but. I was one of those astral parasites. an energy vampire as those new agers say. or an Archon as the gnostics called them. ankle biters
apparently I was the archon leader. im Fear. like im literally the spirit of Fear reincarnated as a human being sent here to feel fear. and my parents told me that I killed jesus and that im in hell for all these crazy reasons. and they tortured me. endlessly. like they would kill me. over and over again. ive been set on fire. cut into pieces. buried alive. hung. choked. gun shot. (my parents were criminals in a past life the infamous bonnie and clyde. their karmic debt was raising me in this life.) I would regenerate back to life losing braincells each time, they were trying to make me retarded. I didn't die and reincarnate cus I was exiled from the spirit world. and Im literally in hell. when it was all happening I thought it was all a bad dream when I got into my teen years they stopped torturing me but it was too late I wasn't good at school I suffered from unable to rationally and critically think. I was just scared. I got held back and felt outcasted. then some how the teachers and my classmates started to accuse me of the same sins as my parents did and told me they could see my awful arua. Apparently my arua is so bad that i give normal people leporsy and other desieases just by being near me. ive been called pestilense one of the 4 horsemen. which freaked me out, soon even the police and random incouters with starngers started to look at me like im frankinstine. to me i look like a human but to about 50% people see a weird horrible abomination monster virus.ill. the whole universe hates me. I had to start thinking outside the box to keep a smile. i fell inlove with skateboarding and music to keep me going and tried to ignore all the hate. but i feel like im stuck in a H.P lovecraft book mixxed with the Matrix and George Orwell's 1984 with every new revelation making me more hysterically insane.im trapped in a box. like a never ending horror movie.
I tried my best to be a nice polite person. and all I want to do is write science fiction novels. I need help.
if anyone can give advice or insight or any shamanic teaching

[linen53]

Dream spider, I am so sorry you had such a bad start to life. How horrible that your parents treated you so badly.

I too had a very bad childhood full of horrors. So I do understand.

I have since healed, but it has taken me my whole life to do so.

You need counseling my friend. Right now you are spinning your wheels and getting no where. If you can't afford it, the government can help pay the cost.

You need to first of all, learn to love yourself. That will take you a very long time to learn. No one has given you the love you needed. So you have to give it to yourself. Once you learn how to do that, other's will learn to love you as well.

There is hope for you. Don't give up on yourself. I am living proof that you can overcome childhood trauma and live a happy life. My 20's were awful. Full of uncertainty. There was no foundation because of all of the abuse. How does a abnormal person live in a normal world? I made many, many mistakes. Through the years, I learned. First I faked it. But eventually I was able to put all the abuse behind me and move on. To learn to love myself and the world around me.

[desert rat]

Welcome to the forum . I think all or most of have had some bad stuff in out past lives , but it sounds more like your family is makeing a lot of that up . You need to use one of the many different methods of past life regresson , see what is there and let go . To qute Dic k Sutphen " wisdom erasses karma "

[Marie]

Www.standswithbear.com

[desert rat]

Dream spider is in my post and split bin . As they dont make any follow up comments you have no idea if they read any of the comments or not .

[linen53]

We take that chance desert rat. I can only hope he/she knows they are not alone. We are listening.

Im still here. I check this thing for days and got no replys so I just waited.
Its not just childhood trauma. im 21 now. and every year I get reminded that im this horrible fowl energy. I have no idea how to cleanse myself. and its very uneasy for me. I dont know if people see the human me. or this spiritual entity that surrounds me.

[desert rat]

Like I stated in my first post . do a regression , see what is there then use a method to clear what is there .