Model Citizens.

[naturesflow]

The fear to become what you want to become can be consumed by the external world as it is, dictating how things should be, have to be, will be.

Breaking through the core face of the system in myself as my own face and system, I came to realize I had to let go of my model citizen outlook and lead myself into the space of not being a very good model at all. Really look at myself in all those hidden little corners where the dust and dirt had landed and stayed.

You know those dark murky corners in yourself you never want to look at, because your too scared if you unplug them you wont ever be able to deal with them.

I recall some of those times where by I saw and felt quite strongly, that no end result would ever come from these spaces in myself. So in this view I thought, "I am not going there". I am not even going to look at them. Not going to unplug them. They can sit and rot there while I pretend they don't exist.

But then one day out of the blue, when life shifted and things shifted in myself, they came to the surface, those murky dark corners started sneaking out one by one and I had no where to go but dive in and investigate them.

I remember one time I laid on my massage table, for four days and let them all come up one by one. I cried and beat myself up, wrestled with them and myself for days on end. Eventually, on about day five, I resigned myself to owning and accepting what they wanted to show me. I kept thinking (as my mind was made up) that there was nothing to gain from going into these corners because they cant be changed. Of course the struggle in this way, was that I had to find acceptance of them as that. It is what it is and no change will make it go away.

It was very difficult but a breakthrough where by I realized that if you want to be free from the system in yourself and let the external system work for you, not against you, there is only one place to find it. And the greater freedom comes through those darky murky, untouched "I don't want to look at myself in there" spaces because they will remain and will never disappear.

Life when it calls you to recognise what you hold of yourself in those places, really only wants to ignite more of life into you and your world, not the things you hold onto that no longer serve you.

I don't want to be a model citizen, its too much work.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by naturesflow

The fear to become what you want to become can be consumed by the external world as it is, dictating how things should be, have to be, will be. ...

I read your first phrase, and didn't get it. I think that you wanted to express something different than it seems (to me) to say. Maybe you wanted to say something like: caused, produced, or induced, instead of consumed (?)

Intrigued, I read on. In the end, I didn't really get the message you wanted to convey. Hopefully others will, and I'll benefit from it too.

It must be my fault, tonight, as I disagree even with your signature quotes ...

Lao Tzu seems (to me) way off with this: "The soul has no secret that the behavior does not reveal."

[ocean breeze]

Originally Posted by naturesflow

I don't want to be a model citizen, its too much work.

Then drop the citizen and just become a model. It may be easier. Just remember to strike a good pose and smile. But admittingly, it can be annoying going back and forth changing into different clothes. And its hard to smile when annoyed. Unless its one of those angry smiles where you are grinning through your teeth. lol

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by inavalan

I read your first phrase, and didn't get it. I think that you wanted to express something different than it seems (to me) to say. Maybe you wanted to say something like: caused, produced, or induced, instead of consumed (?)

Intrigued, I read on. In the end, I didn't really get the message you wanted to convey. Hopefully others will, and I'll benefit from it too.

It must be my fault, tonight, as I disagree even with your signature quotes ...

Lao Tzu seems (to me) way off with this: "The soul has no secret that the behavior does not reveal."

Your post made me smile.
It intrigues me that you feel I need to correct my words.
I let them fall out of me.

You can disagree with anything, there is no one at fault in my view.

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by ocean breeze

Then drop the citizen and just become a model. It may be easier. Just remember to strike a good pose and smile. But admittingly, it can be annoying going back and forth changing into different clothes. And its hard to smile when annoyed. Unless its one of those angry smiles where you are grinning through your teeth. lol

I found the header somewhere randomly and thought, lets just go with this and see what lands. And land it did.

Lol to just become a model..

Chameleons are beautiful but yeah, it is tiresome having to change your clothes all the time. Bit like models have to do? So no thanks.

What comes to mind reading about your grinning through teeth is grin and bare it. Eeek, no thanks..

[OEN34]

Great post, and one I completely resonate with at this time. For a month I've been the exact same; sitting or lying in bed and having no choice but to be with these dark, lingering, festered emotions that have been sat deep within for decades. With that, old, repressed memories came to the surface from when I was a child, teenager and as recent as two years ago.

I'm only now feeling okay after a month of it, yet there's still stuff that needs to come up, but it will do once it's ready to. But you're right, this intelligence that allows everything to work really gives you no choice but to heal at some point. You have to be ready, though.

I said it yesterday on another post that we build our lives around our fears, not by facing them, and I've learnt that is the worst possible thing we can do (IMO). Face them, uncover them, endure the agony and pain you have to be with and you'll start to feel liberated slowly but surely. I also didn't realise how much emotional damage I've accrued over those decades. It is startling!

Great post :)

[Shivani Devi]

Greetings.

The other day, I was watching a video by Igor Kufayev called "Trauma and Identity" in which a question was put to Igor about how to overcome past trauma and move on and the answer was simple; "stop being a 'victim' to it".

It was pretty brutal, but I could see the whole point. It wasn't about 'facing it' or 'uncovering it' or 'working through it' but more along the lines of 'accept it happened, accept the fact you can't change what did and just forget it! move on!'

Although this is/was a rather simplistic approach, a lot can be said for it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejslG2z7w0g

I've also given up on trying to be a 'model citizen' as everybody has a different opinion as to what that actually IS. lol

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by OEN34

Great post, and one I completely resonate with at this time. For a month I've been the exact same; sitting or lying in bed and having no choice but to be with these dark, lingering, festered emotions that have been sat deep within for decades. With that, old, repressed memories came to the surface from when I was a child, teenager and as recent as two years ago.

Sounds like you opened a real can of worms for yourself. Well done to you.

I'm only now feeling okay after a month of it, yet there's still stuff that needs to come up, but it will do once it's ready to. But you're right, this intelligence that allows everything to work really gives you no choice but to heal at some point. You have to be ready, though.

Yeah timing is part of it all as I see it. Our bodies are remarkable in that often they call the shots through our capacity as a mind/body/spirit being and often we find reflections if we need a little help along as well.

I said it yesterday on another post that we build our lives around our fears, not by facing them, and I've learnt that is the worst possible thing we can do (IMO). Face them, uncover them, endure the agony and pain you have to be with and you'll start to feel liberated slowly but surely. I also didn't realise how much emotional damage I've accrued over those decades. It is startling!

It is amazing how much damage comes through the healing process, its not until you walk it all through that you realize the extent of it all. Your right about feeling liberated slowly but surely, through each stage you face. It is a good way to build a more solid platform and grounding for the harder stuff deeper in the core of fear.

Great post :)

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Greetings.

The other day, I was watching a video by Igor Kufayev called "Trauma and Identity" in which a question was put to Igor about how to overcome past trauma and move on and the answer was simple; "stop being a 'victim' to it".

It was pretty brutal, but I could see the whole point. It wasn't about 'facing it' or 'uncovering it' or 'working through it' but more along the lines of 'accept it happened, accept the fact you can't change what did and just forget it! move on!'

Yes there are lots of ways people deal and let go of stuff. People process differently and sometimes shifting in this way works for some. Being the victim is something I remember letting go of, so I understand at some point myself moving through this space, but probably after I beat myself up and cried myself silly. (sometimes I take the long way, but it works)

Although this is/was a rather simplistic approach, a lot can be said for it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejslG2z7w0g

I've also given up on trying to be a 'model citizen' as everybody has a different opinion as to what that actually IS. lol

I haven't watched the youtube but I will.

[lemex]

Originally Posted by naturesflow

Your post made me smile.
It intrigues me that you feel I need to correct my words.
I let them fall out of me.

You can disagree with anything, there is no one at fault in my view.

Have reread the particular post closer and I see what you mean. Suddenly they say I disagree yet at the same time saying it is not understood??????? Apologizes, they claim not to understand that seems to be based on a mere word, this is what surprised me. How did the omission of the word change anything, but was wondering because I do feel it is ok to add the word. I hate to say this, I see and agree with both posts. Is there a hang up on adding the word.