Start Again

[Shivani Devi]

Yes, lose our minds and find our hearts...peeing a lot of people off along the way. lol

This is evidenced by how difficult it is for a person of my nature, faith and beliefs to try and 'keep up appearances' of everything which I am not...of everything I have fought so hard to let go of.

Then having other people say "how can you be so cold, mean and cruel?" but they don't 'get it' because my path is not theirs and my way is not theirs. If people knew about our kind and what we did, they would have a fit, which would probably result in them either dying or going insane.

For some, insanity and 'losing one's mind' is a way of life, but we are only mad according to others who don't hold a degree in psychiatry, so we couldn't care less what others think...even those close to us.

It becomes "you accept me for who/what I am or you do not, but either way, I couldn't care less".

We generally end up isolated and lonely, only keeping to our own kind because we do not play by the rules and exist outside of any unwritten laws which govern the rest of society.

[Deepsoul]

Necro,,Im not sure on that but the insanity is def something that needs addressing all the time ,, im finding although im back able to see when im say being a victim or sabotager etc,,you know all the archetypes, my best chance is communion with God ,, because then i am alive ,,when im not focused enough on that as my main priorty ,,loving G and such spirit drys up in me ,,so it becomes a matter of making sure that im worshiping ,repenting ,meditation,serving and,,if God means Love than its about that highest love ,, its truly such a challenging thing at times ,,because God has to become all ,so vanity. self pleasure and self pain and worldly things must be left behind ,,because all that matters is God and acting in Highest Love...thats what im getting pretty loud and clear right now. i havent looked at the i am God link yet but soon i hope! Honestly Im just trying to get my head and entire being to understand it all ,, my ptsd is so full on but i know i must heal from it all ,,I simply must ,,and I must know myself as Love!

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Deepsoul

Necro,,Im not sure on that but the insanity is def something that needs addressing all the time ,, im finding although im back able to see when im say being a victim or sabotager etc,,you know all the archetypes, my best chance is communion with God ,, because then i am alive ,,when im not focused enough on that as my main priorty ,,loving G and such spirit drys up in me ,,so it becomes a matter of making sure that im worshiping ,repenting ,meditation,serving and,,if God means Love than its about that highest love ,, its truly such a challenging thing at times ,,because God has to become all ,so vanity. self pleasure and self pain and worldly things must be left behind ,,because all that matters is God and acting in Highest Love...thats what im getting pretty loud and clear right now. i havent looked at the i am God link yet but soon i hope! Honestly Im just trying to get my head and entire being to understand it all ,, my ptsd is so full on but i know i must heal from it all ,,I simply must ,,and I must know myself as Love!

Who is to say that one is insane? according to whose 'sanity' is this judged?

When I commune with God, I also feel the most alive and that unconditional love is something.....I wish I could finish the sentence, but cannot.

God doesn't have to become all, God is all - including vanity, self pleasure and pain. The ego is God, that which is beyond ego is also God...as long as that awareness exists.

That link there is going to take two and a half hours out of your time, but it explains it all through an anecdotal tale.

I'm sorry your PTSD is troubling you today. Lately, I decided I wasn't going to feed mine anymore, no matter who I managed to totally tick off in the process.

There are two types of people, those who live for Self and those who live for others. Some of us just cannot do both without drowning in hypocrisy at either end of it.

Yes, I live for God and God alone and many people have problems with that, so what do?

[Deepsoul]

Its all so confusing for me alot at times ,,before i got sick and such ,,i was so called normal to me i suppose,, i just wish everything didnt feel so stressful ,that i had the same resilence i once had ,,but maybe i am being made to be like this so i not so ego ,,so im softer ,, and can just be like that,,and see all the controlling ways i can be,my ptsd is constant, but i know it will go eventually ,,the love of self and god often gets me all confused too ,,all we can do is just keep trying to understand and keep going i guess,, i feel like there are lines with vanity etc because i get slammed regulary ,, i just want to be a nice person ,,that loves and cares and makes others a little happy ,,, i feel so fded up alot ,,like when my son is giving me love and he is so young innoccent and relaxed ,,and im dissociated ,,i gotta understand this ,, i just have to find and become love!

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Deepsoul

Its all so confusing for me alot at times ,,before i got sick and such ,,i was so called normal to me i suppose,, i just wish everything didnt feel so stressful ,that i had the same resilence i once had ,,but maybe i am being made to be like this so i not so ego ,,so im softer ,, and can just be like that,,and see all the controlling ways i can be,my ptsd is constant, but i know it will go eventually ,,the love of self and god often gets me all confused too ,,all we can do is just keep trying to understand and keep going i guess,, i feel like there are lines with vanity etc because i get slammed regulary ,, i just want to be a nice person ,,that loves and cares and makes others a little happy ,,, i feel so fded up alot ,,like when my son is giving me love and he is so young innoccent and relaxed ,,and im dissociated ,,i gotta understand this ,, i just have to find and become love!

One tip here....and it's something I haven't done myself fully yet, but I am reaching the point where I have no choice either...let God in and let God fully take over ALL the time! Let yourself or who you are take a 'back seat' to God.

I have quite a few bad habits that I cannot break. I smoke, I go to bed and get up when I feel like it, I eat junk food and tonight I am in mountains of pain again with my arthritis and fibro.

So I pray to God and He is like "If you can't control it, let me have a crack at your mind and body...you still insist on going it alone, don't you? How is that working for you?" and of course I know He is right.

But getting up at 5am to do Yoga and meditate is something I cannot see myself doing...and God goes; "of course not, because it's something that I would do, so let me in and let Me do it FOR you".

[organic born]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

I have quite a few bad habits that I cannot break. I smoke, I go to bed and get up when I feel like it, I eat junk food and tonight I am in mountains of pain again with my arthritis and fibro.

God is not going to help you with this. This is something that you need to resolve for yourself. Clean up your eating habits by eating whole foods.. smoking messes with your system on so many levels, both arthritis and fibro (not to mention body and emotional tension) will clean up on it's own if you embrace your bodies needs. God will leave you be, to suffer until you take the actions necessary to better align with your bodies basic needs. Negative physical outcomes are almost always something that we bring about ourselves (with a lot of help from the industrial food system).

This is why I'm so pushy on this subject. Before we appeal to a higher power we need to address what we can from the benefit of our own natural common sense observations.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by organic born

God is not going to help you with this. This is something that you need to resolve for yourself. Clean up your eating habits by eating whole foods.. smoking messes with your system on so many levels, both arthritis and fibro (not to mention body and emotional tension) will clean up on it's own if you embrace your bodies needs. God will leave you be, to suffer until you take the actions necessary to better align with your bodies basic needs. Negative physical outcomes are almost always something that we bring about ourselves (with a lot of help from the industrial food system).

This is why I'm so pushy on this subject. Before we appeal to a higher power we need to address what we can from the benefit of our own natural common sense observations.

Problem is, I've tried helping myself with this for years and that hasn't worked, I've tried counselling, hypnotherapy, CBT, NRT etc and that hasn't worked either, I have no willpower, so I don't know how to resolve this for myself...no idea, my dear....God only knows.

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by organic born

God is not going to help you with this. This is something that you need to resolve for yourself. Clean up your eating habits by eating whole foods.. smoking messes with your system on so many levels, both arthritis and fibro (not to mention body and emotional tension) will clean up on it's own if you embrace your bodies needs. God will leave you be, to suffer until you take the actions necessary to better align with your bodies basic needs. Negative physical outcomes are almost always something that we bring about ourselves (with a lot of help from the industrial food system).

This is why I'm so pushy on this subject. Before we appeal to a higher power we need to address what we can from the benefit of our own natural common sense observations.

what if we don't agree that we HAVE to improve the way everyone claims is so good?

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Problem is, I've tried helping myself with this for years and that hasn't worked, I've tried counselling, hypnotherapy, CBT, NRT etc and that hasn't worked either, I have no willpower, so I don't know how to resolve this for myself...no idea, my dear....God only knows.

there is always the story about the kid who wanted to smoke a cigar... so his father made him smoke and smoke and smoke until he got sick and wouldn't do it any more.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

there is always the story about the kid who wanted to smoke a cigar... so his father made him smoke and smoke and smoke until he got sick and wouldn't do it any more.

I tried that as well, the whole Tantric approach - smoked two packs of cigs in one night (a few times), ate fast food until I threw up a few times...made me quit for a few days, then I was straight back to it. *sigh*